i really don't want to online anymore

i really don't feel like going to online anymore.. every single time, i online sure got problems.. maybe i should just pay attention to my study and book enough.. i really don't know what to do..
i really helpless and breathless..
sorry brother, i know you are tired waiting me.. hoping me coming back to you.. but i really working on it.. not that i don't want to pay attention to you, it just.... i really don't know what to say.. i cares about you, but i can't make it through my action i don't know why.. i know you want us to be close again.. but i really working on it.. trust me..
i know i been busy all the time.. my friends in hometown all coming back.. i never see so many online list in my 5C1/2008 lists since i left jshs!! i really miss them.. i want to talk to them.. too bad i only have 2 hands with limited times cause i really need to study.. i really am sorry..
i know you are tired.. what you said just now make me really wordless and really sorry.. i don't know my action make you so tired.. now i know.. sorry..
i don't want to online anymore.. every time it make things worst and worst.. i really tired of it.. i just want a normal and peaceful day! is that so hard to have?! maybe i should just leave the laptop locked.. i don't feel like have the mood to online again.. sorry friends..
i need some break or i really will burst.. i need to think over with what i want.. or what am i really thinking in my heart.. which i am never going to figure out.. since i shut it so tight and ignore everything that i shouldn't know..
i really tired.. haix..

160909

today is seem like the last day of the first semester in MMU.. of course it should be a nice thing but it also mean the final exam is coming soon and all i have to do is study and study.. i make myself a promise i am not going to anywhere during the next week just to study.. of course.. for the last day.. PHOTO TIME!!! haha.. we took a lots of photoes.. haha.. with lecturers, friends, hanging out.. haha.. lots.. hahah..

yeah.. ~~

part of PM10 and PM9

boy's gang

Math Lecturer and my "gang"

of course.. we did go for Mac Donald.. just for fun of course not for celebrate.. haha.. with some friends.. haha.. chating.. eating.. hanging out.. haha.. quite fun actually.. haha..

Edwin~

Yong Qing and Jun Min

Me and Wen Shen

040809

yesterday we went to Jongker Street and ate burger.. haha.. it is really a fun day after a tired morning.. i was having a speaking test which really make me really really mad.. haix.. really frustrated about it.. damm it!!! haix..

we went to Jongker Street for a walk.. well.. it is friday.. so.. it don't have many people in the street like Saturday and Sunday.. whatever it is.. we having a really good time together.. nothing much to say.. haha.. really lazy to type all the details.. why don't you guys just see the photoes.. haha..

the name key chain we bought..

really want to have one of these

hahah...

cute isn't? anybody interested?





pretty girl.. but not available.. sorry guys..

Bleeding day

haix.. why am i said that today is a bleeding day? haix.. i don't know what am i doing these days.. i don't know why am i so easily get mad myself.. i wonder why.. well... i know myself that i have a bad temper but i don't really used to show my feelings out cause i know i still can manage it.. but these days.. i really can't.. i finally get mad.. but i am such a loser that i don't dare to scold them.. like what he said... i am such a dumb girl.. always care about other people feeling.. i always suffer because of the unnecessary consideration.. sometime you can't take care of everybody feelings.. i know this fact but i still have to try.. but at the end.. i myself unhappy.. that's not really a thing that i should be proud of.. haix.. i really try very hard to make them happy.. try to control my temper.. haix.. i really hope i can manage it soon.. haix... but.. i am so worry that i can't.. i really don't have the strength to do what i hope to do so.. too many things happen these days.. i have to take care too many people either their problems and their feelings.. my sister.. she has problems that i really have to help her be there with her.. i know she needs me.. haix.. my friends.. old.. new.. but.. stupid girl always do stupid.. i cares about other and never once think that who am i going to rely on when i got problems.. when i really need someone to care about me.. haix.. what a such an idiot girl.. i always know that if i really have problems they will help me.. but the truth.. i never said anything out.. haix.. so nobody will actually know what i really thinking about.. except her.. i really miss my best friend.. i have new friends here.,. good friends.. but i still miss her.. haix.. i am lucky that now.. i have someone that really cares about me.. really.. i really think that i am so lucky to have him around when i really need him to be.. he is such a good companion...

okay.. stop talking the nonsense part.. why am i saying that today is a bleeding day? i bleed three time within one day.. Jezz.. i don't know since when i am so careless.. i cut my own hand with don't know what is that.. and then i hurt my own nose.. bleeding of course.. god.. then my leg caught into the wires and trip and bleed.. haix.. what is really in my brain now.. is it really so many thing for me to think? maybe.. but i don't really know.. all i know that i really tired to care about his feeling.. i really take him as a friend.. but i really tired to try.. i can't cry over him again cause i promise him that i am not going to hurt myself over him.. i promise.. and i will keep like i usually do.. it is really no point to be sad over to the person that will going to hurt me no matter how hard i tried.. really no point.. sometime.. i really think i should just let him go.. but i can't because he is my friend.. he suffer enough because of me.. haix.. but i am not going to cry over him again and make myself so tired... no point.. and just make myself miserable out of no where...

today really not a good day.. cause i really tired to pretend to be what people want me to be.. i almost cry due to madness.. i don't know why.. or since when i am such an emotional to all these things.. i really don't know how to scold people.. that's why i used to keep in my heart.. at the end.. if i can't really bare it.. i will just burst out.. but.. burst out in front of my roommate really will freak her out.. needless to mention my housemates... i really don't know why am i such a freak in this house.. they think like i am such a "weird" girl.. if they see me cry.. they will really shocked cause i never be emotional in front of them.. at least is before these days.. haix.. whatever.. i really feel like crying now.. haix.. i don't have my musical instrument around me.. my piano!! my harmonica!!!! i really miss you guys.. friends!!! haix.. all i can do is like always - sport.. tennis? no partner.. gym? not such a good idea.. all i can do is swimming.. but the swimming pool is.. haha.. such small.. haha.. but still the only way to frustrated it out.. let it out.. hahaha.. that's why i am going to swim later.. haix.. let the tears and anger flow into the water...

besides, i really hope my appetite will come back.. i can't really eat these days.. don't know why.. haix.. everything went wrong these days.. i really hope all these things can just go back to normal.. really..