i'm tired

i am really tired.. haix.. i wonder why.. ZZZ.. i have nothing do at home.. but i am really mentally and physically tired.. tomorrow i am going back to school again.. haix.. early in the morning.. long jeans and t-shirt.. haix.. i am so lucky that i don't have to drive to school.. sister friend is coming to fetch us go.. haha.. that is nice and not so tired.. haha..

i can't wait to see most of my friends for the last last last time before we all go to matriculation.. and i wonder when are we going to see eaach other again.. so i really hope they will be there.. i really really really miss them.. i am.. haix..

i love you all.. mauxk..

I'm afraid

the closer the date to 11th the more i afraid.. i don't know why.. well.. i don't show it out in front of my family so that they won't get so worry while they already worry sick about the idea i being so far and without them around me.. haix.. i wonder since when they will realise that i can take care of myself.. haix.. i guess this is not going to happend.. so sad..

why am i so afraid of the unknown? i thought i am strong enough to know about the unknown cause i always go to the unknown place.. well.. sort of.. the difference is i always with my family when i went to unknown places.. which mean i am more secure.. and being there alone with friends wasn't reeally a bad idea though..

I don't want to deny that i am afraid of the unknown.. and the unknown is so mystery.. haha.. i am more afraid that i can't catch up the study more than the environment that i am going to cause i know i will going to be fine.. i am really really worry about my studies.. i wonder how my sister can manage it so well? what if i don't know a single thing the teacher is talking? what if i can't catch up and fell behind? what if.. haix.. and everyone (well, not everyone.. haha.. just 2 friends) said that i am completely ubsurd about it.. and promise that i will catch up.. and they don't doubt it at all that i am going to have any problems in study.. but to be honest, i AM worry.. my mum said she is worry about my studies too.. she said my english is really bad.. and she worry i can't catch up.. all of her words make me shaken worst than the day before i went to the JPA interview..

everyone have their own thing to worry.. while i am worry about the study things.. there are lots of bunch of friends are really really really nervous about it.. well.. i can't laugh at them cause they want to do everything right.. that's why they kept throwing lots of quetions to me.. haha.. i can't blame them and i always happy to help.. hhaa.. don't worry about offend me.. but somehow.. something i really don't know.. please don't question me like i am the god or the senior who had been there before.. i really don't know.. cause i never been there before and certainly don't know how is the studies run... even my sister is a senior, i don't ask many questions about matricualtion cause i don't really want to know.. i know i will be fine and that's why i don't ask... and please don't be mad at me while i don't want to ask my sister.. cause she has her own temper to manage.. and please please don't throw me to the sharks.. hehe.. i still want to live.. hehe..

afraid about something seems to be a good start.. haha.. and that's why i am so excited about the unknown.. i feel kinda chalange to be awway from my family and move on in the unknown future.. that's why i have the feeling that all of us is going to be alright.. and i confident to the unknown world.. and i am going to be tough for myself and be good enough for the unknown..
"i will be fine, don't worry" i always say to myself..

should i even bother?

why am i still bother about you?
why am i still care about you?

i hate myself.. i can't believe this is happening to me.. i know i shouldn't think that way.. and i thought i don't even think that way again.. and why is this still so annoying me?!!

haix.. i wonder when you will just tel me the truth.. since when you will just let me feel that you already let me go.. and since when am i going to think you are no longer in my life?

i wish if i go to study soon.. i can forget you.. and we can be a true friend again.. few more weeks is the day you and i starts to be friend last year.. did you still remember? i wonder always curious why did you act like that i talk to me.. haha.. it bother me sometime and i still din't have answear for that.. haha.. but one year.. you and me is a friend.. i think we can stil be.. if i try.. haha..

all i can say.. i don't deny the existence of you.. and i don't deny that i bother about you and cares about you.. but i am trying hard.. and so do you.. i know..
good luck and all the best for your study.. goodbye..

preparation to leave soon

i am going to study in negeri sembilan at 11th May... and after i been there.. i am not going to come back in this short time.. which mean i had to bring many things there and i am going to miss everyone.. hahaa..
since many of my friends is going to the same matriculation.. so i am not worry that i don't have any partners.. haha.. and i am still worry about the transportation to there.. however.. the very important thing is i need to buy lots of things.. clothes bla bla bla.. things to use.. haix.. and it is going to be a long list.. haix..
so.. guys.. i am going to leave soon.. and i hope we can hang out agian for the last time before i go.. and take care all the time.. all the best... ^^

it is not that bad as i thought

haha.. driving alone wasn't that bad like i was thinking.. yet.. sometime it is tired but it is worth it, i guess for me.. haha.. i don't know about anybody.. but i guess i am happy for now.. haha..

dad kept let me drive to make sure i am steady enough to drive.. haha.. he is sort of "training" me.. hhaa.. but i don't mind... hhaa.. and today.. he let me drive alone to the shop for "improvement" of the car.. haha.. and he drive me back.. haha.. it is some kind of excited i can say that.. but i am sure it is just for now.. haha.. i will get tired soon like the others.. but at the meanwhile i will just going to let myself enjoy this momment.. haha..

happy now!! :-D

wahahaha... i have a car.. haha.. a second-handed kancil.. haha.. even though it is a cheap and second-handed but i don't mind.. haha.. as long as it can move and it is nice.. haha.. it is really in a good condition.. haha.. want to have a look of my car? haha..






not bad d ba.. ^^ haha.. i love it.. haha.. it is really nice.. haha.. i love it.. all i have to do now is drive as carefull i can.. haha.. i can't wait my dad let me drive alone.. haha.. i think i can pass soon.. haha.. i really can't wait till that day.. wahahaa.. i am so deadfull want to go out.. haha. with friends.. haha.. beside, i can't wait my sister coming back cause we are going to decorate this car.!! haha.. dad had done his part.. haha.. so we had to do our part.. haha.. yeah!! i am sooo happy.. haha..

Loneliness and boring

these few days is completly lonely and boring.. beside doing house chores, helping dad, reading, watch tv and online, i did nothing.. nobody to talk to and chat to.. since everyone is busy (not the first time) haha.. and obviously that my sister is going to sit for exam and need to study.. our chating time had shorten a lot.. urgh.. i hate it.. i am so boring.. boring enough to drown me anyway.. but who cares.. nobody even care about how my day is going.. ( i am talking about my parents) haha.. whenever i talk about my day.. they show lack intersted and started to "teach" me about many many thing... it is really frustrated.. urgh.. like i can't have normal mum and daughter conversation or dad and daughter conversation.. it is wrong.. and all i had to is keep all in my heart..

these few days is like some emptiness in my heart.. urgh.. i think i need an urgent hang out with friends before i go mad or insane.. haha.. i am serious.. haha.. since my parents are still looking for a car for me or rather is say us.. my sister and i to practice our driving.. then i can go out whenever i can.. haha.. i can't wait it.. but it seems like my parents din want to buy it so quickly until they are really sastisfiate.. haix.. whatever that is.. that is their money and is their decision to make.. not mine.. so.. all i have to do is keep my mouth shut and enjoy whatever they give me.. haha.. like a stone..

seriouly.. i don't think my driving is that bad though.. better than my sister.. but i wonder why mum is soooo... urgh.. dad is so relieve when i was the one who driving while mum is like an insane people behind and kept on complaining.. urgh.. no wonder sister don't like to drive her.. she is really crazy (in some matter) haha.. maybe she should give me more credit like my dad.. i am going to be fine.. haha.. at least better than my sister.. i won't let us crash if i can.. haha.. nobody wanted accident.. haha.. so... why don't she just relax and enjoy the ride.. haha.. but that is not going to happen.. hahah.. i knew that.. haha...









whenever someone getting boring and lonely and empty.. weird life style started to craw in.. urgh.. weird lifestyle and dreams.. it is sooo.. frustrated.. i started to eat chocolate andice-cream.. jezz.. i am going to become a pig.. fat pig.. i really need to run.. haha.. as far as i can.. i just wish that the school started as fast as they can.. and of course my matriculation.. i really hope i can get it..haha..