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today is the last day that i am going to sleep in Penang cause tomorrow i am going back to Melacca.. not that melacca is not good but here i can eat Penang food that i love!!! haix..

what i did today is go for breakdfast and guess what Hokkien Mee AGAIN!! haha.. then i don't follow my parents go to the club to excersice.. haha.. cause they are really crazy maniac.. dad play tennis mum jogging and swimming.. ZZZ.. i don't think i have THAT staminal.. haha.. so i choose to stay at home.. haix.. then i meet her.. JEzz.. i miss her so much.. haix.. but i can't meet her.. haix.. i really miss her.. haiz.. hope she is really fine..

Hokkien MEE!!

lunch? special "stone rice".. haha.. not really my favaorite cause i was thinking to take the yum rice as lunch but too many people.. so i choose to eat this.. not bad actually.. haha..

special rice style isn't?

i went to penang to service my laptop.. haha.. then go to buy something.. then of course... DINNER!!!! at EDEN!!! haha.. another my favourtie.. haha.. mum ate fish and chip.. dad eat salmon steak.. my sis and i ate beef steak.. haha.. yeah.. always my favourite.. haha.. i really like penang a lot..!!! haha.. food food food..!!! yay..!!!

Dad's Salmon Steak

Mum's Fish and Chip

My favourite Black Pepper Steak

Sister's steak - dunoe what's name..

ice cream

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nice day so far.. haha.. breakfast!! haha.. Hokkien mee!!! haha.. taste sooo goood.. feeling sooo goooodd... haha..




everything gone so well in the morning.. CY.. sorry.. i know you hope to see me but i can't.. i am really rreally sorry.. you say you don't mind but i can feel that you unhappy.. i am really really sorry..

went to super buy thing.. haha.. haix.. dad and mum is worried that i slept on the floor!! jess.. they hope i can take turn with my roomate but i dunoe how to say it.. cause my roomate are quite "children" i dunoe whether she can or not.. haicx.. friends and parents.. what you will do?

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Friday.. at home.. finally home.. reach home at 5am like usual but the bus is seriously COLD.. ZZ.. the air con can't turn it off.. Jezz.. Going back.. my piggy!!! i miss them a lot.. my bed.. my pillow.. everything.. haha.. finally home.. feel so relax without things in my brain for awhile..

the first thing when i go back home.. haha.. like usual.. REFRIGERATOR and DINING ROOM!!!!!!!!! wakakazzz... lots of thing inside.. haha.. got ice cream, chocolate, fruits, cakes.. haha.. dining table got keropok!!! wahahaha.. sooo happy to see those things!! finally can eat le!!! haha..

wake at 8am.. haha.. drive mum to market to buy vegetable.. then go eat fried mee at my favourite stall that i used to buy during secondary school... taste sooo nice.. haha.. lunch.. haha.. taste fantastic!! haha.. really.. mum's cook.. really good.. haha.. yeah.. den keropok and ice cream and fruits!! wow.. it is like heaven!! haha..

what a nice lunch!!

my favourite - prawn!!

taste PERFECT!!!!

i drove whole day.. haha.. quite stable.. my beloved kancil.. i miss it so much.. haha.. finally can drive it le.. haha..

not a bad day until i saw something.. stress again.. until at night.. i hurt another guy.. damn!!! i really think of killing myself...!!! urgh... hoping for better day for tomorrow..

Raining

Raining in Penang?! When i coming back home?! What is it has to mean? god!!! is this a sign? you must be kidding me.. haix..
the raining is like a sign to me to let him go.. whatever it is.. all i have to think is he is just my friend.. nothing more.. all he did is for fun.. what he said doesn't mean anything.. what i wrote meant for who? i don't know.. he never say anything.. he never make anything clear before.. that's why he is such an uncertain and unsure guy that i can't count on him with.. it still something in my heart that i really hope he can tell me everything.. everything.. i really hoping..
raining meant something to him so does me..

back home with sorry and a promise

I am so sorry by the Smiths
lyrics changed by actheng

Why do you come here again ?
And why do you hang around here again?
I'm so sorry

but don't you notice its hurting me?
I'm so sorry

but it is true

Why do you come here
When you know it makes things hard for me ?
When you know, oh
Why do you come ?
Why do you call ?
Why send me silly notes ?

And why saying those sweet things?!
I'm so sorry i don't want to go back that path again

Why do you come here
When you know it makes things hard for me ?
When you know, oh
Why do you come ?
You had to sneak into my heart

'just' to hear me
"It was just to see, just to see"
(All the things you knew I'd written about you...)
Oh, so many illustrations
so many unsure and uncertain

Oh, but
I'm so very sickened
Oh, I am so sickened now

I'm going home this time with the mess i making here.. I really hope everything is going to be fine soon.. I really hope.. I going back home with a promise that i made for you.. I promise you i will going to take care myself and go back there safe and sound.. I made my word and you have my word.. But.. I will never going back.. no way.. you really like a wind that I can't even count on you.. Its keep hurting me when i let myself hoping that you will coming back but i know i won't and now.. i learnt my lesson.. no more.. just regret in my heart that never solve..

truely sorry to make you so hurt

Sorry by Daughtry
lyrics changed by actheng
Will you listen to my story?
It'll just be a minute
How can I explain?

What ever happened here
Never meant to hurt you
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont want to listen
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there as a friend
Will you believe
Will you believe me?

All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse
No explaination
Believe me
I don't mean anything
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong
I'd give away all that I own

When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to what said?
Say you wont listen
When I say I'm sorry
cause it hurts
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there as a friend
Will you believe
Will you believe me?

If I told you
I've been cleaning my soul
And if I promised you
I'll regain control
Will you open your door
And let me in as a friend?
Take me for who I am
And not for who I've been?

i am soooo sorry...

and you know i mean this for you...

nothing

haix.. i try.. but you never turn up whenever i need you.. why?
then why you want to light the hope? luckily i am not going back to the pass.. even it still some regrets in my heart... but at least i know what i should do.. lock my heart save in the locker.. at least i am not going to get hurt again.. it is too painfull to let it go and to forget it.. i should protect myself.. nothing big deal. really .. i know i can survive.. even though i am not tough enough.. i am still learning..
all i can say.. painful is enough and it will be nothing soon.. just let it go.. forget the pass...

helpless

helpless when things keep coming again and again.. you.. i noe myself.. i am so afraid about you.. but you kept come and go like wind.. i can't catch what are you thinking.. i can't even guess it.. i am really afraid of you.. sometime i hope time can passby so we can start over again.. yet i am afraid.. haix.. what to do? i always helpless when you come and go like that.. why don't you make things clear once and for all...? this is for you.. i'm going home and i don't know what will be going on later.. haix.. so afraid of my heart will get hurt again...

today i done something bad again.. i shouldn't do it.. my fault.. haix.. i shouldn't lighten anybody hope.. no matter what.. what is done is done.. i shouldn't feel sorry and make things worst and getting confuse... i should say it out.. but i am such a losser.. haix.. why am i kept hurting their feelings? haix.. i am so tired about the girls and boys thing.. haix.. helpless and breathless...

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my friends

Michelle and Xin Yi

today we go out to eat Japanese food.. haha.. that's nice.. finally can eat something different.. haha.. it suppose to be happy but first we don't count one of our friend.. haix.. sorry ya.. car not having space..

the food not bad.. we ate in one hour time.. haha.. at the end.. full!!! haha..

nice cake

look nice but.. urgh..!!!

shusi

chicken chop

nice cake

good chief

taste good the lamb!!!!

after that we go for a walk.. haha.. i saw beear bear!!!! T.T.. no money ... can't buy... haix... T.T

i miss my harmonica and organ (electric piano)

i really miss my harmonica and electric piano!!!!! damm miss them.. maybe these days quite stress and no musical instrument are here to entertain and ease my pressure.. haix.. i sooo miss them.. i wish i can have a piano here.. but.. haix.. it won't happend.. haix..
why everything has to go like this? now i really want to go home and leave all this mess i made here.. i am soo tired involve with the relationship thing.. and of course studies.. but academic never be my problems.. all i have to do is read, understand, apply. but relationship? i am really suck at this..
now i getting more and more headache and dizzy some more (physically).. haix.. why can't everything be as simply as they should be?!!!!!!!!!
i hate myself.. that's why i need my musical instrument!!!!!!!!!

i am so sorry

today i have done something really bad.. something really bad.. i think i already hurt his feelings.. i am so sorry.. i really don't mean to do this but.. i have to..

I don't even do what my friends ask me to do.. i think that's is more than enough and i guess you are being annoying and irritating too.. i am so sorry that our friendship have to be like this.. but i really can't take this anymore.. i thought i already make everything clear but it seems to be not enough.. it either makes me suffer and make you unhappy.. what for being like this? let's make things clear.. we are just friends.. i know being care by someone are something really good.. but that is more than enough.. i already have so many stress around me.. it is not about the assignment pressure or homework pressure.. but it is friends care pressure..my parents already tied me up really strict.. i have my own friendship problems and you? who do you think you are? i know you cares about me but it is getting more irritating than it should be if you really notice that.. how am i suppose to talk to you? you just never listen cause i never try to talk to you about THIS.. i don't like being tied and strict.. you are not my boyfriend, my sister or even my parents.. even my parents can't control me.. so does you!!!

i don't want to talk to you today and run away from you mean i really annoying and frustrated with you.. i really am.. i don't like being respensible to someone else YET.. i like to be free.. that's why i come to malacca and never once really miss home.. so.. i really hope we can be friends.. if we are friends.. everythign will be as simple as friends.. i really hope that way.. that's all.. i know i hurting you.. but i don't know how to show my angriness don't mean i don't care.. i don't show my annoying attitude doesn't mean i don't mind... eveything connected!!!!!!

i sorry i being rude but .... just sorry..

should i go home at Independence Day

haix.. i am so tired to think about anything again..
whether i should go home at Independence Day?
i really tired but i want to met my friend.. haix..
Friends.. give me some advice.. i really need it..

pressure

result already coming out.. to be honest.. i got a little bit dissapointed.. so did my parents.. haix.. mum scold me.. haix.. what the hell.. all i can say is i am so suck..

exam just finish but another exam is coming.. means.. work hard.. then.. assignment.. presentation.. roomate.. haix.. i am so tired.. T.T
to be honest.. i am getting tired to pretend who i am not.. i never once be myself here.. haix.. what am i think i am doing..?

from the begining.. maybe i am not suppose to accpet JPA offer.. haix.. headache now..

one week holidays suppose to be happy

one week holiday suppose to be happy.. but instead of being a pampered princess at home.. it turn out to be a sick week.. now i realised that i already taken almost one week medicine.. uuuuaaaaccckkkk... please for god sake just let that stupid illness go away and let those horible terible and vegetable medicine run away.. i am going to throw out whenever i see it!!! urgh...

haix.. i suppose to say that i should be pampered ONLY when talking about FOOD.. mum want to cook lots of thing for me.. but none of them i ate.. urgh.. so frustrating.. my favaourite menu mum already prepare all i haave to do is prepare an empty stamach and a mouth.. but now? haix.. everytime i almost want to tears when i thought of this.. my food!!!!!

dad always laugh at me when he see my face now.. talking about food but i can't eat it.. he know since i was a child.. i only cry for one thing.. guess what? food.. ZZZZZ... that's why i have this size of body.. haha.. you gain you loss... what to do.. haha..

i going back to malacca soon.. i din meet my teachers like i promise.. din do my assignment.. jsut lay down in bed.. haix.. waste of time.. urgh.. major thing is MY FOOD!!!! huhuhuhuhu~~~~~~~ haix... don't when i am going back to penang like this so long.. haix.. haix.. haix..

one week holiday suppose to be happy but it end up to be dissapointed and sort of torturing.. haix... what a bad holiday.. haix.. haix.. haix... ~~~~

two days of illness

i don't know what to say.. people come back hometown is to enjoy food and do whatever they like.. but me.. haix.. i seriously have nothing to say... i was the special cases!! i fall sick!!!!!! urgh...!!!! it is not normal illness... i got fever!!! i hate fever the most cause of the medicine.!! dad bought the pink colour medicine which i am seriously allergic with that.. yet.. to save my dad some problem... i just take it.. it makes my day like hell that day.. OMG!! i was so sick and not comfortable.. only sleep i do nothing worst than pig.. duh.. then my appatieate start to.. ahem.. u know.. i can't eat.. but i still force myself to eat it and take the medicine.. and straight go to sleep.. i fight the nausiation whole night.. another 4 hours.. mum wake me again to take the medicine.. another 4 hours again.. i nearly cry when i saw the medicine but i hold it.. i know dad see through me even though i holding the tears.. but my face.. haix.. my face always the traitor.. sorry dad.. haix.. make you worry.. haix.. i was mentally worn out that night just to fight the nauseation.. jezzzzz... den i cough... all i can say is :" what the hell!" whenever i cough.. wow.. my back is hurting.. damm it!!! mum don't understand keep on asking me to cough harder... but dad know it hurt me say nothging.. haix.. dear mum.. since when can you stand ON MY SIDE and listen? haix..
After one day of non-stop fever.. it finally get well.. but another problems comes in.. i vomit.. jezzzzz... it never stop issit?! duh.. den normally.. i can't eat AGAIN!! dad say nothing.. he know i will eat it whenever i am ready to eat SLOWlY but mum.. nagging all way long.. normally for her, anger for me.. everthing went OK until night.. the nauseation start.. i wonder why... i force myself to finist the mee but i can't den mum keep on nagging about i am so picking bla bla bla.. i was trying my best here!!! i nearly shout at her but i know i have no energy to do so.. fine.. patient... den my back hurt the worst whenever i cough.. i really want to shut my mouth off.. i din complain anything but dad know everything.. he is mentally suffer like me.. pity.. he know he can't help anything.. if i was child he can buy toys or something that can make me happy.. but now.. nothing.. really nothing.. haix.. poor daddy.. what about my useless sister? haha.. yeah.. she is always the useless one in the house whenever problems come up.. haix.. i always wonder since when she will start to grow up and solve her problems without my help?! she know one of the reason i am sick is her.. cause i was too near with that "dearest" patient.. together with my sleepness and tiredness for moving the house.. everythign boom toghet in one shot.. haix.. all i can i am lucky to be at home.. that's all.. cause in MMU melaca nobody is going to take care of me eccept myself.. she bought me a necklase.. blue colour dophin.. haha.. inside got rice that have my name on it.. haha.. i know she feel guilty to make me sick even though her fault is just 20%.. kakazzz... but nevermind.. i will take whatever thing she want to give me.. haha.. haix.. that's it for now.. i have to offline.. haix.. don't know when i am going to online again.. haix.. take care ya.. MMU ffriends, JSHS friends and also N9 friends.. all the best!! ^^

Falling sick

31/07/2009 is the last day i getting my mid-term exam.. to be honest i am so happy.. i guess is the happiest day among 4 days of exam.. why? like usual.. my english turn out to be disastrous.. mum is going to kill me SOON when she find out.. cause 100% i am not going to get A or B.. haix.. then my Math.. haha.. needless to say.. totally disastrous.. careless.. lazy.. haiz.. what to say.. nerves.. haix.. maybe i am not as good as i think for my Math.. ZZZ.. the other subject is getting better.. haha.. Account!! my favourtie.. always be my best subject.. yet the stressfull subject cause i always espect the best.. haix.. crazy.. then ecconomic.. haha.. not as hard as we all think it is.. haha.. so.. no need to say.. 2 confident 2 hell.. suddenly think that 3.3 pointer is really far.. haiz.. that day everyone is going out for fun escept me and Leh Ming cause we havent pack our things yet and of course my stupid waist and back.. haix.. i remember i hurt myself again when i pack my thing that night.. it go back to the worst pain.. haix.. i hate it.. i really am.. everyone is scaring me that my bone is not in the right position bla bla bla bla.. scare the hell of me that night..

01/08/2009 is the moving day.. everyone is especting UV to be better than Watercity.. yet.. haha.. it is way too much "better".. know what i mean? mean it is toooooo small but really comfortable.. haha.. what to say.. you give and take.. that day i was thinking myself so useless cause i can't move anything escept pulling my bags.. the others is LEh Ming helped me.. haix.. i can't carry things!!! so hard to see people help me carry things while i can't do anything.. i tried to carry.. but.. everyone scolding me and say me sturborn.. haha.. like i never know i am a sturborn girl.. haha.. at the end i got hurt little agan with my back but i din tell anyone.. what's the point to let everyone know? making everyone worry? haix.. that day the only problem i am so worry is daddy and mummy.. they will find out soon.. haix.. whatever..

that night i was going back penang by bus.. haix.. 4-seater.. sooo "comfortable".. the bus driver driving like bullet.. 6 hours reach juru toll.. my god.. we wear mask all way long cause of H1N1.. quite weird.. cause my spec always get blur due to the air i breath out.. ZZZ.. i reach Juru Toll at 5 sth.. during the trip i was so tired and boring.. everyone is sleeping deeply but i am not.. i wonder why.. i kept on woke up by nothing.. haix.. at the end.. i end up sms-ing friends.. 3 friends actually.. until my hand got busy.. haha.. 2jshs friends and 1 MMU friend.. but they din sms long.. then suddenly a friend which already long time din contact called me.. i get into shocked.. i wonder what happend to him.. but he din mention anything.. haix.. i told myself i am not going to care.. no more.. one time is enough.. not the twice.. i am not going to let myself gone through that feeling again.. no more.. i am so sorry.. but once you get bitten you will be carefull after that.. "no more Mr. nice guys.. not you.." yet you gave me the answer i want for a very long time.. even though i don't know it is true or you lied but i take it as true.. thks for that.. at the end i din sleep in the bus..

5am or more than that, i saw mum and dad.. they are happy.. haix.. like i don't know.. dad rushing over me to carry my things.. urgh.. i hate that.. why can't i take my things?! fine.. just once.. no more after i get my back normal.. hg.. i talk with mum then went to sleep about one hour i guess..
breakfast time!!! Hokkien Mee!!!!!!!!!! wakakakakazzz.. i love it!!!! then dad is going to play tennis and mum going for a swim.. and me?! i can't do any of that.. urgh.. fine.. luckily i got other plan.. dad let me drove to jshs myself to met my friends there.. yaaaaahooooo!!!! but i was scare cause i din drive my car for about 3 months.. but not bad it end up.. kakakazz.. my friends.. they heading back N9 after 2 weeks break.. MF cried cause she don't want to go back there.. haha.. finally can see my friends.. so happy.. take care ya guys..

i was busy like crazy maniac yesterday.. clean things unpack things shopping.. i start headache at noon in the mall but i say nothing cause i know it is because of my sleepness last night.. then sis had cause me sick.. haiz.. maybe i am too close with that brainless patient.. haha.. my fault.. at night.. i feel like i am going to faint so i went to sleep very early.. mid night about 3am.. i woke up.. all my body is hot like oven.. i know i have no choice but to woke mum and take some medicince.. mum worry.. and dad this morning.. is worry.. they are so worry my fever is because of either H1N1 or my back.. they din say it out but i can feel it.. i am not stupid.. but i say nothing.. it is not a good time to say a thing.. haix.. but now i am better.. haix.. still got little not feeling well but i guess it is ok.. i am still wondering is daddy going to bring me to x-ray today? or he is going to let me rest.. cause i am worry sick about my stupid back.. i was not really scared at first but after my friends start bla everything about their relative cases..i getting my worst nigthmare and think maybe i should go to have a check.. haix.. stupid back and stupid fever.. urgh..