Just because we don't talk doesn't mean I don't think about you.
I'm just trying to distance myself because I know I can't have you.

- Wiz Kahlifa

sometimes you drive me nuts

Seriously, sometimes I admit I neglected you
But really
You driving me nuts
There is a sudden that I willing to just cut off everything

You know what??
I am mad
You really driving me crazy

火！

他妈的王八蛋大白疵死白木！！！

Hand Injured

Mayday! Mayday!
T.T

First Job

Well, I think I just get my first job
Not really sure whether can I manage it
But hopefully I can

Conflict emotion now.. ^^

Boring

Just realize that this tutorial is very boring
People trying to give answer but I wonder can they give such an answer
Well, I know that girl
She is just........
I was wondering why does she thinking in her brain
Even her english communication is really...
It makes the class longer than it should be
Well, I am not lookimg down on her but it is really irritating
Damn!!!

Tired now...
Feel like sleeping now

Arena

Well, got up with 2nd time in Arena
Thanks to Justin

At first we didn't actually want to go
But he seems to see me in Facebook and happen to ask and want me to go
FIne
Get dressed in 10 minutes
But he reached in 5 minutes
Damn!
Just got a shirt and wear and go
Damn!

But I got She Rene with me
Thank god she is there
Else I am going to be dead

Everything seems to be boring at first cause Pipo brought an IS friend
Have some kind of communication error
But he is cute and a good dancer

We got beer and chit chat and dance for awhile
Then we knew is She Rene first time in Arena
Damn!
She become a target
Thank God

Due to this reason
They order a "wine fountain"
Wow! It's really pretty
But I didn't drink it
It was actually a wine/beer or whatever alcohol
Then they light it up
Then pour from a tall bottle
And everything gone into blue
Really nice
Then flow into a cup and everybody get a straw and drink
Never tasted it
But doesn't feel like tasty anyway

Then things started to heat up
And so here's came the story

An Indian and A malay
>.<"
Seriously
Never thought this will be happening to me

Notice an Indian guy always looking and smiling and me
Of course
Technique 1: Ignore

Then when I was dancing he was trying to "communicate" with me from his place
Technique 2: Smile and turn away

Then when I drank up the whole cup and beer
He claps and thumbs up for me
Well
Technique 3: Node and turn

Then when I walked up he called me
Well
This not hard to handle
Technique 4: Pretend nothing happen
And he got dissapointed
Well, who cares??

Then I went to washroom
When I went back
He gave us 2 bottles of beer
Well, I asked Jack why he did that
The answer is "He trying to "bribe" them so that they can come near to us"
Well, Who cares
But he did try to communicate with me
But me was surrounded by Jack and She Rene was surrounded by Justin
So both of us was protected
Until ........

When I go up to dance with She Rene
For awhile
He come nears me and I was actually ignoring him
Then after awhile I get bored and went down to find Jack
When I turns back
Seriously, I saw that guy standing behind from where I stood just now
Really, I was thinking
If I were there, is he going to dance with me?!
Thank god my six-sense are good
Making feel like it's time to go back where I am protected

Then these guys started to come near us and dance and bringing beers
It's irritating
And Jack and Justin were ignoring them
Seriously
They are REALLY ignoring them and surrounded 3 of us into a circle
We were actually castled by 3 of our guys friends - Protected
Things got worst when Justin got moles!
wahahahahahahaha

He never stop nearing us
And what Jack said is he was trying to talk with us and get our phone number
But seriously I didn't care
I just happen to be there and I don't want anybody to near me
That's all

Well, Guess it's 3am when we left
Justin is horrible unhappy
Really
And I am horrible tired
Reached home at 3.30am

Still wondering a question
"Did I look like I been to clubbing often?"
Well, according to my friend, she thought I always been there based on my clothes and dance
But Honestly
Seriously honestly
I just got that shirt in hurry and didn't even make up
So I didn't actually thinking what should I wear
So I guess I am not
Dance?????
hahaha..
Seriously, I was just having fun and all those crazy moves
I just happen to
So there is nothing to do with anything

But I really like being out with She Rene
She makes me relax
Than my own sister who trying to show off the world that she is attractive
Me and She Rene is like nature
We just match perfectly

Now, I will just need a bath and sleep
Good night world
Have a nice day !

Tired

Sometime I guess you can't push people too hard
No matter how hard you try
If the person is not that outgoing you can't push her too hard

Well, sometime I am really tired going out
Especially with people
Seriously
Think about so many entertainment
Don't you think it's abit tiring?
I don't know why
Everything seems to be wrong
When I want to study everything will be outing outing outing
When I want to go out everything turns out to be busy busy and you can't accompany me to
Really
I am tired

I under low-budget and I just want to hang out for a walk
Not like this
And yet I got at least 2 to 3 outings on hand
Don't you feel tireD?
Well, I am
Maybe I am not that out going person as you think

5/11/2011 (Saturday)

Good evening!
Well, it's 3 minutes to 10pm right now
Finally got everything settle
Washed clothes and washroom, got bath, and finish hanging around outside
Feeling fresh yet tired by now

--------------------- Story Begins ---------------------------
Last night sleep very late
I think it's almost 1am something while waiting
Until around 8am something I wake up
Very tired but still can wake up somehow ^^

After having lunch I still haven't decide whether to go out or not
But at the end I still get changed and went out
haha ^^

Firstly, here's the list to-buy item Before going there
1. handphone
2. ear-rings
3. handgrip (kinda accessories)
But end up the handphone no longer in production
Very SAD!!! T.T
Well, I did went to Padini and saw the ear-rings but I still didn't buy it cause I still don't really have the budget
And I saw the necklace
Damn! It is really attracting! Still didn't buy
But deeply in heart I know I will never get it after that cause it's going to be finished when I can really buy it
Well, there always another nice one aren't they ?

Then, went to eat Durian Ice Kacang!
Well, I must be crazy
First time in my life eating ice when I am cough and cold
I think I will be dying tonight coughing
But just don't care about it

Walking around MP + DP looking for some bear bear and cute things
But I end up buying nothing there
That's a good thing
Then we end up at MacDonald playing games
Finally! After so many times we finally played over 100 rounds!!!!

Then I saw something
A jacket
Lovely!! Very nice indeed and I love it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But due to free size and it fit just nice which a jacket shouldn't be just fit
So I didn't buy it
Of course another reason is -- no money
T.T
Well, I really love that jacket !!! T.T

Then I asked for Lamee as dinner
Well, I forget that it's not nice and I ordered it
So it was a bit disappointing but I still can get over it ^^

Then we heading to Jongker Road
Really crowded
Actually by then my leg is killing me cause I wearing the high heels
The main reasons I went there is to buy ear-rings
And I got it
But I nearly got my ears cut cause of the stupid ear-rings
Tomorrow have to go and have a change
At the end of the walk I nearly break my leg
So now my leg is resting just like a queen
Enjoying resting ^^

But But...
Guess what
I go and see the bag and saw one bag REALLY NICE!!!
RM45! Didn't buy..
Well, it was actually same level of prettiness just like the what I saw in KL
But I still won't buy a bag for RM45
Damn expensive man!
Then a hair clip RM12 each
OMG~!
So I hold my breath and walk away
Sob.. Sob.. Sob...

Today I left without buying something I like
I should be happy but I still missed it especially the bag and jacket
haiz..
Dear goods,
1. Bag
2. Jacket
3. Hair clip
4. Necklace
Hopefully to see you soon If can

That's my day
Tiring yet fun ^^

Privacy

Well, you were wondering why am I so mad / unhappy for the whole afternoon
Privacy

I knew what you were doing all these time
But sometimes when I didn't say it out doesn't mean I don't know or I don't care
It just I know why you are doing this doesn't mean I will like it or agree with it

I told you I need time
Things not as easy as you think
You want me to settle things
I have my ways
Do you know how much effort I put on it?
Thinking of hurting BOTH at once?
Not to mention my effort of "eliminating" the conflict inside

Look, I'm not asking for forgiveness as I didn't really deserve one
But I seeing you trying hard
The more you tried, the tired you are
Why making yourself so suffer?
If that's solely because of me
I don't think I am worth
Cause I might not wholly for you
I think you realize this

I need time
I need some own privacy
I will share things that I want to
I never lie to you or hide anything to you
Did I?

So I just need time
I told you I need more time that you thought
I didn't expect for your patient but if We really want to work this out
You gotta give me sometime
To solve things out
To solve myself out
That's the main thing and that's kinda hard
And I am trying to

So will you maybe some respect?
Some privacy?

If I say that I can 100% let go within 1 month
Then I was lying cause I can't
So slowly we settle things can we?

Just a little help perhaps?

Consider A Bad Day

Well, Not only being sick
Not only eating with a rusted fork
It's also a busy day
10am start class until 1pm then booth and class until 6pm
6pm meeting till 9pm
Damn tired by now

Something happened during that meeting make me really unhappy
Well I don't mind when people expressing their opinion
But can't they just stop "fighting" our opinion as well
I thought you were having the same thought with me?!
Out of sudden you are not?!
Seriously ?!
Out of sudden I don't know how to continue the conversation I started
What do you expect me to do?
Agree with what you think?
Well you have your opinion
But I told you before and you didn't seems to have any other opinion and out of sudden you disagree with me?!

Sometime I just feel like I would prefer to just talk with my friends that's all
Just to bullshit things
That's all
I don't need all the "advices" and "suggestions"
Really

Not that you don't have the right to speak
But can you see the timing and the purpose I heading to???
I heading to SOMETHING!
I want to pass message INDIRECTLY and you almost to bull it of
Thank you so much

That's the reason why I always keep quiet when I with your friends
Cause I don't want to say something that I shouldn't say and make you awkward
That's why

Everything suppose to be wonderful TODAY
JPA finally bank in our allowances
I finally can lose abit from my debt
But we nearly end up fighting
Well we keep on fighting lately
What do you want actually?
A behaviour girl who listen everything you said?
To do everything you asked me to do?

Fine
Guess what?
Next time I wouldn't ask anything from you
If can, I will do it myself
I will rely on myself
So we are all even
We are all FAIR
Happy ?

Just don't know why today can end up so tiring and so ..............
ARGH
Whatever

Bad Luck?

Congratulation ! I will be dead soon

Well, not really joking about it
Guess what?
Just now go for lunch at the new shop at EP
The fork had rusted
OMG~!
Never thought I can be so Lucky

Looking Back

After looking back few posts of this blog
I think a lot

I think I hurt a lot of people
At least 3 peoples when I reached MMU
All love me very much that time

Out of sudden make me think of HIM
How is he right now?
Well I know that time we are not end up very good
We keep quarrelling all the time
I also say something bad to him as well
Well, he did say something that I mad of
That's why
But I wish that we can still be friends
But it seems to be hard
Cause everything is still different
Still keeping his present
Don't know what to do with it
What did you do with it anyway?
I still remember you said it is very waste of space and not meaningful anymore to you
Cause of my impatient and desperate
I still remember that

Looking back everything
I don't know why things end up like that
Everything started perfectly but end up badly

I miss all my friends
I do
Sometimes I miss my old life
But I guess we can't turn back the clock aren't we?

I heard people said that they wish that they can start from beginning
I have the feeling right now
I want to start over
Being protected and loved by parents
Being friendly with friends
And so on

But I can't
cause I can't turn back the clock
T.T

Finally Got Sick

Damn!
Flu + Cough + Headache + Fever
It's not a really good combination
But can I do?

Really tired and sick
Haiz

Thunder

Lighting over lighting
White light over and over
Kinda scary

IN fact
IT IS SCARY!

I was sleeping in that moment
Then suddenly got blackout
The whole house got black and suddenly
"ging go long"!!!!
Damn!!!!
I was jumping up fast and shouting then tears coming out
While Tony laughing when he heard
Damn!

Then I went to bath
When I get changed at room
Blackout again
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know how fast I run out of the room???!!!
Damn it!!
Thunder gong gong
Please don't thundering again
You will give me heart attack soon

My heart pumping damn fast
Then the blackout again and again for like 4 times
Each followed by "ging go long"
Great!!!

I don't want to take any photograph
So I don't need white flash
T.T

By the way
The thunder make me feel like not going out
Cause it's kinda embarrassing to be afraid during gathering
Some more you have to be calm even you scare
Adrian ~~ Sorry ya.. ^^

And here's another problem
Dinner
No dinner
Great!
I am starving T.T

Thunder you make me feel bad and scare
Now you make me hungry
T.T

Chivas

Great~!
I am going to be dead

I Think I will be Dead SOON

Going-to-be-sick person go for OverTime!
I think I will be slaughter soon
*Sweat*

Sleepy

Everybody is sleepy except me
Everybody is busy except me
I want to go out as well!!

But where to go
No money
JPA please bank in money faster!!

I want sing K at least 1 hour
Please
I am going to bore to death !

Sushi

Well, been to Sushi King just now
Not a very long queue
We waited for like less than half an hour
Thank god
Eaten 21 plates

But seriously
I love Salmon!!!
and Prawn of course!!
and baby Octopus!!
They are so lovely!!!
A little bit happy
But we spend for over RM48 for this meal
Worth it?
Well, abit maybe

But I won't go to eat there again
I prefer eat in a peace mood
At least I can enjoy the food slowly without people actually staring at me
Some more I won't have to keep my eyes hunting for sushi

Let make it this way
I would prefer to spend a little higher of price to get a better quality of environment when I eat
Well, you can say that I am particular with food
Yes, I am
I just don't like being rush and urge when I eat cause I eat very SLOW
I always make people wait me no matter how fast I tried
So why not I just enjoy the food ?

By the way
I think I am going to be sick

But I still want to sing K
No time to go cause night time is really expensive for me alone to sing
T.T

Still
Tomorrow have class
Gotta work and stop online and movie!
Start to work you lazy bone!!

Sick?

Am I sick already ?
Feel like sore trough + a little bit of cough
Too many fried food?

Feeling cold with feet and hands
Sleeping all day
But still feel that head is very heavy
But didn't have fever
Sick?

Well, didn't feel hungry either
Didn't eat for my lunch and dinner
Tea time - maggie
Dinner - red bean soup
Will I die?
I must be joking
Hahaha

I don't want to be sick!
I want to eat sushi tomorrow!!
Must get well!!
Sushi!!!

KL One Day Trip

Tired!
Wake up at 6am something then come back around 9pm something!
Walk all day
LRT/Monerel and Bus all the way
Just realize even without car it wasn't that hard to shopping in Time Square

Guess what I did whole day?!
Sakae Sushi!!!
Yummy ~!
We have one in Penang but I never been there
All I know is my sister always go there
Go finally Time Square got one
So...!!
haha..
3 persons eat almost RM124!!
Damn!!
I love Sashimi!!
Love it love it!!!

Actually I suppose to accompany him to buy clothes for his brother's wedding
Didn't plan to buy anything AT ALL
But something make me almost no mood for the whole day
I bought a formal skirt for RM99!!
Just because the salegirls push me to try over 10 skirts
And I am shy to reject!!!!
Damn1!!
I am so mad with myself!!
I already in a broke condition and I had spend RM100 for a skirt!!!
I wish I didn't spend that money!!!

Then Michelle were there after the thing happen
Thank god!
I just realize I miss her so much
I miss the time where I always hang out in EP and stay over her house with my Small J and her catty
I miss the time where we fight for our exam
I miss the time where I used to talk with her EVERYTHING
I miss her so much!!

When I saw her
I feel like trying to update everything she missed but I was really hungry and tired
So ...
But I just glad she drop by
I miss you

Damn tired right now
But still have things to do
T.T

ANyway
It's kinda pleasant trip anyway!

Peace Speaker

Damn!
Suddenly feel that I am a peace speaker
I speak on the behalf of another person
Hoping that both of them will be fine

Really
Justin got love problem
Suddenly I become their speaker
I become the middle man
Jezz
Don't know what should I do

All I know I am tired talking and talking
Wondering what will happen to both of them

Just know that everytime I see Justin
Sure involve some comfort and alcohol
>.<"

I don't know whether I am helping them or making them worst
Cause I myself is suck in love life

God help them

I am Not Worth

I seriously not worth for people to wait or like or love
I don't have the look
I don't have good temper
I am pampered
I am a bad girl
I makes stupid mistakes

The only thing that I am proud of is my ability
But no guys will like girl that over them
So
Why Why Why ?

Hiazz
I really not worth
I am just an ordinary girl
I just want to be a normal girl

Wow~! Never see that Coming

Well, I really didn't see that coming
Everybody know this?
Why didn't I feel that?
I think I am so stupid

Everybody know that Arthur likes me??
And I am the only person who don't know??
Really ?
You kidding?
I thought what Billy said is just his assumption
But its turns out to be true???!!!

Damn!!

Patient

I tell myself to be patient
I don't want to argue with people
But sometimes
I wish that I am a good-tempered person

Well
Sometime we tried to be considerable
But sometime I have my own temper

I don't mind if you download movie or what so ever
Cause I also did it
But I hope that sometime please see the time
Well
That's what I did
I tried to download during my sleep
But sometimes you are awake the whole night
So I didn't on it
I on it when nobody at home

Your internet is directly connect to your computer
That's why when you online especially when you open some website that takes a lot of speed
All of us can't online
Nobody want to tell you cause you said that you seldom at home
But even day time it is hard to online when you awake
Haiz

Not that I want to complaint or what
Just
It starts to affects us
Like right now
I can't go in Facebook to check the committee's data
How am I suppose to do the SAPS ?
I can't access into it
How am I suppose to do all those thing?

Jezzzzz
Sometime I wish that I will be patient enough
Patient
Patient

Drunk

Last night was the first time I drank Chivas
I always saw my dad drinking but never tried myself
Well, it's pretty hard to drink
Harder than Vodka
At first it wasn't really nice to drink
But I still drink it after all

Me and Justin was drinking alone
Like both of us have problems and both of us want to case that problem away

Actually this is the first time I saw Justin so emo
I barely able to comfort him
I just let him cry
Nothing much I can do
Just wish that I can actually help him
Hope he can be better soon

Honestly I started to one-time finished after the 2nd glass
I think I also wish that I can be drunk
Soon I realized that I started to pour chivas > cola
And started to drink while comforting Justin
Too bad
Just feel some dizziness and headache
Doesn't really drunk
6 glasses
Damn!
I really wish that I can just be drunk and when I wake up everything is done

After comfort Justin sleep
I went back with Jack
Still feeling well
But after awhile I have no idea what I did
Maybe the alcohol started to work
Too bad I can't sleep the whole night until 4am or 5am
I makes me really tired

When I wake up this morning
The stomach wasn't that good somehow
Great!

Being drunk
Is it good?
Or it's just make thing worst?
Seriously
Sometime I want to be drunk
But I know I can't
Haizzzzz

PASSED PASSED PASSED !!!!!

Well, you know what??!
I passed!!!
I passed FAR!!!
Thank god
But the result wasn't good
But I think that's good enough
At least I passed

I am satisfied
Cause I consider I am lucky
I know how much effort I put in it
So I won't blame if I get these type of result

All I can say
I don't want the same thing happen this semester
I must get all A this semester
I WILL get all A
If not my CGPA can't go up
Really

Thanks for letting me passed
Really
Thanks for everybody that encourage me
Siok Ching especially who taught me
2 special people that encourage me
And others
*pray*

Thank you!

Is My English Bad?!

I am so confident with myself that my English is good enough
Well, not as good as a pro but at least is average level AT LEAST
Never thought she actually said that
I know I never good enough if compared with my sister
I never good enough
I never smart enough
I never sporting enough
I am never as good as my sister
Even my friends thinks I never as good as my sister
Both social and appearance
Fine

I know I never good enough
But at least
Can't you at least
recognize your own daughter's ability?
What I did never good enough for you

4 flat to you is my responsibility
Below than that
you will say
"Just try your best is enough"
But under your tone you were saying
"How can this be happened?"
You were mad at me obviously at that FAR exam
You were mad
You accuse me
"How can you don't know?"
Then you heard me cried only you say "if everybody don't know then there is nothing you can do"

When I got 1st place in studies
You think that's normal
You never praise me
All you did is
"Don't think this is good.. there will be a tougher road.. Don't you think you are good"
When people ask about me
You said "She is not good. Her english so bad, never improve. Result also that that good'
Cause I didn't get 4 Flat!
That's why

I never good enough for YOU!

Obviously You Don't Know ME

I might be a stubborn girl
I might be a bad temper girl
But I am not a person that need to be controlled of
Seriously

I have been following orders for like my entire life
And I am free to do whatever I like outside that range of area
So I don't need another person to actually tell me what to do
Or to get permission to do anything
I am a free person

I lived so long not to follow peoples orders
I will do whatever I like
So don't even think about me listen to everything you said
Or get permission from anybody

Arguments

I woke up at 7am this morning just to help my mum prepare all the things needed for my grandpa's 100th death ceremony
Well, it's really lots of things that my mum prepared
God kuih, cake, 4 dishes, desserts, fruits etc
Even the whole table not enough to put the dishes
Imagine how much she prepared

When it's 8am I went to buy Hokkien mee
But you know what??
I accidentally poured the soup
I act very fast to wipe it off so that my mum didn't see it
I got "heat" by the soup
Suddenly don't have the mood to eat it anymore
But still
I need to take my breakfast

Then relatives start to arrive
I am fine
Until I saw HER
I can see evil coming
The small evil arrived
I pretend to ignore them as well

The ceremony starts
During the ceremony I feel like I want to slap the small evil
So noisy and really no manner
If I am the parents this child won't survive without get slap
Always want to play ipad and noisy during the pray
Seriously??

Then after the things done
Electricity gone
Everybody was complaining about the heat
Well, it's not something that we can help
Then they started to eat the food that my mum prepared
Seriously
Everybody is eating a bit and a bit while my mum is busy cooking at the back
Seriously
I don't know whether they know about how tired my mum prepared these??
Fine
Then there is the evil family
My char shao bao!!!
You already bought yours why ate mine?!!!!!
So calculative ???
Then whatever food that you can find in my house you eat!
Seriously you are damn cheap
You ate whatever is expensive
You know I nearly chase you out of the house?!
I really really want to shout at your wife for being such a bitch
I really really really really don't know why she can do like this

Today was a very very very tired yet mad day
I am mad with them
For not being considerable
Not all of them
Just CERTAIN people

It's like my mum busy prepared all those thing for you
Even my pork leg and chicken leg
You guys eat and eat
Even the pork meat you guys finished it
I don't even eat it
You don't think that everything is paid by grandma
Some of them are my mum paid
And specially for me!
Thanks for being so nice for finishing it!

I pitied my mum
I want to help my mum
But
She doesn't seems to care

No comment
I just hope that everybody can stand on her perspective
To appreciate her hardwork in preparing everything and maintaining every relationship
Don't spoil it

100th

Dear Grandpa,

It had been your 100th day of your death, I guess grandma still very upset about it. She cried when we all praying. I think she thought about you somehow. It's really weird that I have not much thing to think about you. All I can remember is the way you talked and the way you walked when I meet you.

It's really been a long time that I didn't see you after that day. I am so sorry that I couldn't make it to see you for the last time that day. I am so sorry. I might miss you, a little bit, perhaps. But when I think back everything, I only have your memories for these few years.

You barely care about us since we were child. All you care is all the male cousin.You don't even know our names until you actually asked me when I was Form 3. Still you can't remember it. The only reason why you start to care is because all the male cousin are not good in their studies and not behaving well. That's why, I think. It's really tragic to think about it that we are the spare tire. But at least, you remember that you still have us. At least you get the chance to know about us for these few years. I won't want to blame anybody. I don't even blame you as you are originally from China but maybe sometime I wish we have more time to get to know each other. But here you are, 100th days.

Mum works so hard for today, preparing lots of thing. Your favourite cake, kuih, food, dishes just for you. She remembered everything about you. Seriously, even you and grandma treat her not really good (of course, not that bad but just being unfair) she still cares about both of you actually. But I know the reason why you and grandma behave this way. But everything should comes to an end shouldn't it? All I can say that grandma can actually changed. Please don't mess up everything that my parents works for. If she did, she might be bullied by HER. At the end, my dad will be sad and you will be upset in heaven.

It's really weird that I feel that you came back just now. Or at least you were there. I can actually feel that you were there. (Maybe I am a bit sensitive, but I strongly feels that you were there) It suppose to got electricity stop at 9am. But, there is still electricity in my house by then. After all these ceremony done at 11am, the electricity got cut! Damn! It's pretty weird and shocked! It's like you trying to make us comfortable during the ceremony and the electricity gone after things done. It's really exact second when the thing finished the electricity gone!

What's happen is happened, I will miss you and remember you by heart. May you rest in peace! I love you!

Love

Jiney

I Hate Being Home

Stress
Orders over orders
Scolds over scolds
Blames after blames
When can it stops?
Very tired and stress
Sometime being home is really tiring

Anger

I am mad
Mad until I don't know how to measure or describe it
You know why
I don't want to say much
I am just mad

Today is NOT My Day

Part 1
I am not allow to contact somebody
Well, I might break abit
But I am trying hard to follow
Trying very hard
Not sure what decision to make
But at least for now
This is the decision

Part 2
No breakfast!
It took me almost 1 hour to find my breakfast
Driving around Bukit Mertajam for like 1 hour to buy my breakfast
But none of them Open!!
Seriously
Today is not my day!

Part 3
No pen!
I want to buy pen
But all out of stock!!
Seriously!

Part 4
Got shout when I was sleeping by my mum
Got scold without reason by my mum
Totally in a very bad mood

Part 5
Got scold by a person who think he so pro
He is a friend of him
Said me like a bitch
And said like everybody know what I did to him
FINE
It makes me have the sudden to break up everything
I really mad!
As if I am not good to their friend!
FINE
Want me to break up with him?!!
It's that what you guys meant??
泼妇骂街，50步敢敢笑100步，自己的''丰功伟绩''都已名扬四海，恶名昭彰，路人皆知，还有闲情雅致来当起海洋管理员，管的那么宽。谢谢你的＂呵护备至＂，鸡婆8卦，当然，我会＂虚心学习＂，看你如何班门弄斧。言尽于此，希望你能自我反省。请勿对号入座。
I hate you!!!

Part 6
You told me that your hp broke NOW
Seriously
It was fine when I gave you
Then today to tell everybody that your hp is spoilt
Then you tell me that your hp is spoilt
Seriously?!!
After 1 week your hp broken is my responsibility?!!!!!
Then when I asked you you said that day afternoon when I passed to you already spoilt
Damn you
Shouldn't you tell me by then??!!
If you tell me or Jack
At least we can bring to hometown to repair
Then you said that you want to bring the hp to me when semester start
Seriously since when is my fault!?:!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XX
my hp cant open le ==

Teng Ang
swt... that day bkn ok le meh?

XX
can open a while only lol
then afternoon dead le
so sem start i pass to u or jack ok?


Fucked up!!
Today is not my day!!
Don't messed up with me!!
I am not in a very good mood!!

Break A Leg

Ohaiyo!
I think I going to break my right leg
Congratulation!

Damn!
My leg start to pain ABIT
Not sure whether will it be fine
Hopefully it won't swollen

I guess I still didn't get use with letting my parents to know EVERYTHING
When I got hurt
She asked me:"Did you sprain your leg when you jump?"
Without any thinking
I said:"NO"
Then only I know what she asked
See?
See how it gets to habit after almost 20 years of "training"?
I already get used with this
Suddenly can't change back
Just get used to be my own
To settle things my own
To know everything my own
Letting myself alone in the world
Sometime I wish I can be like this
Nobody to rely on
Just be myself
But 2 years of relying TOO MUCH on him makes me can't independent
Suddenly scare of changing
But do I still want to stay?
No confirm answer
No confirm reason for me to do so
*Tired*

Guess I need to go see a doctor after I back Malacca
Hopefully my right leg will be fine

♥

感情久了、
就不是爱了、
而是依赖 .
然后当失去时、
那并不是痛、
而是不舍

Mentally VERY Tired

Decision after decision
Answer after answer
Actions after action

I know this is life
But I really don't know what decision to make
What answer to give
Or what action should I do

Damn tired
Mentally tired is seriously more tired than physically tired

Maybe I am not that strong
Maybe I need protection
Maybe I need somebody to take care of me

Maybe
Cause I am so Tired

Concert

Well, not a bad concert somehow
Kinda like it
The way they present their songs and arts is very creative and funny
Love it a lot

When I actually saw the performer
Damn admire them
I wish I have the opportunity to dance and sing up there
But guess as times pass
There won't be much opportunity left
I know what's my ability in these type of thing
But A girl can always dream
Aren't they?

There are guy singer
Damn smart when they sing
Especially when they sing love song with guitar or piano
Just imagine how romantic they are if they wrote the song and sing for their girl
Damn
Suddenly become very emo when think of it
I think the lyrics really makes me emo a lot
It makes me think a lot

Nice songs with nice lyrics
But I think it will be better if they can find a better singer

田
心
作词：吴欣潘
作曲：高志翔
田心今心 心无思绪
今夕也无夕 心了了无痕
快乐清楚地 又分不清了
是雨要停了 还是泪快了

天云作云 云成旋律
昨情也无情 云散散无影
说放得了的 有放不了的
是走开走远了 还是你近了

想分清楚的 却分不开了
是笑就能快乐 还是谁懂得
快雨停的了 风过吹颜色
话都说不清了 还有谁懂呢

能不能 就让田心今心
飘落在湖底沉韵
能不能 就等天云昨云
襂透进心底成酸

能不能 就让田心今心
隐藏在平清湖底
能不能 就等天云昨云
深埋在湿透手心



雨天
作词/作曲：周家镓
Hey 下雨了
好凉爽的天气
在那里的你在做什么呢
是否一样看着窗外的雨滴

Hey 下雨了
你我都爱的天气
在这里的我开始想你了
是否还是所在回忆里

还记得一起看雨天
还记得 你将我手牵
还有 你抱着我的感觉
想起来都甜

还记得一起看雨天
还记得 你说的诺言
可是你却不在我的身边
想起来 全都是 谎言

乌云把我的思念化成雨滴
我的天空 何时放晴

Favourite Girl
By 王保为
Boston never seemed to be
So lovely in the fall to me
Florida's not so cold
But distance just gets cold

Hey maybe we can stay
Maybe we can lay like this forever
Don't you know she is my favourite girl
I want to run away for days with her
And if you promise not to say a thing
I'm gonna buy that girl a diamond ring

I　said oh~
I think I love you
Oh~
I think I love you, I love you
My favourite girl

It's funny how love takes you by surprise
And I just didn't know what I was missing till you opened my eyes

Hey maybe we can stay
Maybe we can lay like this forever
Don't you know she is my favourite girl
I want to run away for days with her
And if you promise not to say a thing
I'm gonna buy that girl a diamond ring

I　said oh~
I think I love you
Oh~
I think I love you, I love you
My favourite girl


Jezz
I wish....

Sleepy + Tired But Don't Feel Like Sleeping

Really Tired
But Don't know why didn't feel like sleeping
Mummy and Daddy slept on sofa
But I can't sleep even I am so sleepy
Why?

What actually is bothering me ?
*unknown*

Home Sweet Home

Finally home after almost 3 months

Things seem to change a lot in Bukit Mertajam

First feeling that saw my dad was "Wow, It really been a very long time I didn't see him"

Then back home everything seems to be familiar yet so long didn't see it

But it's nice to be home

Mum cooked fish plus a egg steam prawn which she bought after she knew I am on the way back home

It really makes me really really full

And dessert!!

*happy*

Ice cream

"Excited"

In short, Happy !

But mum suddenly asked me to choose mattress that I wanted

Either soft or hard

Well, I wasn't that happy cause I don't feel like changing my current bed

I slept for like almost 10 years and I don't like changing it!

Why I should change?

I accept the reason that my backbone and waist is not good so need to change mine instead of my sister

But I don't like making decision

I hate changing things!

ARGH!

But I didn't choose anything YET

And mum is urging me to make decision

Well, No comment!

Now everything is calm

Writing blog in air-corn living room

Very nice!

Home is always sweet

But home is always pressure as well

Sungai Lembing + Kuantan Photography Trip

3/10/2011 Heading to Lembing

That day was actually a horrible day where I slept only 3 hours

Why?

Pretty much because of the bus issue and the alarms keep on ringing at the wrong time

We changed the gathering time from 7am to 9am

And we are suppose to be there at 5am

As the time change but the alarm still ring at 4am

And the driver called me at 6.30am

Seriously, how am I suppose to sleep?

Some more We having house cleaning the day before and We are ALL tired

I was like zombie that morning

Trying to do something under the hot sun

And trying to remain smile in front of the members

Jezz

Not sure how I did that somehow

Slept whole day during the bus journey

I am kinda a pig

Wake up and sleep

Sleep and eat

It's holiday what!

When we reached Sungai Lembing

It was almost evening

Then we go for a dinner

And the dinner is damn horrible!

1 mihun / mee / fried rice + curry chicken (with lots of potato) + orange juice

It costs us RM12 per person!!

Seriously I can eat better food for that!

And she first promise us with a Hakka food

BUt now is this

This is cheating

So we are officially out of budget!

We bargain with aunty and get a price of RM10

But how about the next lunch?!

I am not going to be there!

We had a plan

We switch schedule

With that we can have an excuses that we don't want to have lunch at aunty place

But Si Hong was unable to actually talked to her

And he ended up with "Erm, I think you talked to my secretary!"

And you know what he did?!

He gave it to me!!

*Sweat*

I was like "What the hell!!"

So, I just keraskan kepala talked to her

And things got settled!

Everybody was happy and I am so glad that I don't have to see aunty anymore

That night was tired tired and tired

Need to wake up at 5am some more

Jezz

4/10/2011 Rainbow Waterfall

Woke up at 5am in the morning and bath

Freezing as the aircorn is at 16 degree the whole damn cold night!

I was almost sick

But Jack, Arthur and Humour was worst than me

That morning, aunty called again mentioning that she already bought the chicken

Well, again, he passed the phone to me to talked

*Sweat*

Don't really like it

But everybody was happy and mention that this is a good choice to ask me to speak on their behalf

Then we got up jip or small lorry to the mountain for the rainbow waterfall

We sat at the behind of the jip / lorry for like almost 1 hour

Damn long and cold sitting there

But it's adventurous

But during the journey

Everybody was saying me talkative or

"Your chatty is awesome!"

not sure whether is it a compliment or not

But just WEIRD~!

We reached there and need to cross a river

Scared of liches

There are a lots of small rocks and big rocks that you need to climb

Then a jungle trekking

Wow!

It's more tired that you can imagine

Much harder than to climb the Sarawak mountain

This, I need to climb up a huge rock one by one with the rope beside!

Just imagine what will happen if you actually fall down

*OUCH!*

But I got up safely eventually

There are 3 people got suck by liches

THey bleed A LOT

Scary

Then the Rainbow Waterfall is nice!!

NICE NICE NICE!

Everybody was so tired and worried how the hell are we going down

But everybody was trying to enjoy the current moment and ignore the problem

We ate maggie up there

Very different feeling

As the waterfall is so calm and cold

With a hot maggie and milo

Kinda nice somehow!

This got even worst during the climb down journey

Damn

I pray so hard not to fall down

I almost fall down few times

Really

I guess I am really another version of Bella

I barely walked stablely

Then we reach the bottom

And we need to cross that river

I was bluffing about not getting wet

Who know I straight fall into the river and get wet

I guess it's not funny when comes to the jungle "spirit"

Arthur's handphone and Jack's camera got wet

HOLLY SHIT!

Tired like hell

Sit inside the jip and sleep for the whole journey again

That afternoon we heading to Kuantan

We didn't take lunch

We only take some keropok, kuih pisang and pisang goreng

Everything is cheap and nice

Really Like it SO MUCH!

Again, sleeping the whole journey of the bus journey

When we reached Teluk Cempedak

We discuss and settle the dinner problem

Then we took a lot of pictures in that beach

Well, couple pictures as if we going to marry somehow

Very weird and funny
But it's fun!

Then we head to dinner

We got lost!

Stupid GPS

But we end up there eventually

Every committee is really really hungry as we all didn't take lunch and were really busy whole day

We ate the food like hungry ghost

Everything runs clean within 5 minutes

Everybody look at us in a very funny look

But nobody cares and continue eating and eating

Things got worst when I started to know some "ghost" stories

It really scare me

*don't feel like talking it*

In short, Tired + Scary

5/10/2011 Lembing Mountain + Museum + Hanging Bridge + Mee Factory + Laozi Temple

We woke up at 4am

Nobody wake up

Seriously, Everybody is like hell

I mean me, Jack, Yao Yi and Ai Ling

We didn't manage to climb up the mountain as I really can't

Then other places as well

Really tired

But we went to the temple

Nice temple

But I end up got scared by a snake

Then we went to Eye City in KL

Not bad actually

Overall the trip is TIRING

FUN?

Guess abit

Still very Tired!

Faint

Tourism Club matters

Amy's matters

Mine matters?!

I hate having talk with sister's boyfriend whose is also Jack's friend!

Damn it!

Just got myself relax abit

Now got up stress again

Faint

Really feel like fainting

Pains

Hurts

Stress

Tired

I wish there is an ambulance

Just fetch me to hospital get me an injection and let me faint whole day

Jezzz

Damn tired NOW

Wake Up in the Middle of the Night

Before I slept only I remind that nobody actually mention about the bus

Then I asked Yao Yi

No answer for it

So, I went for my sleep

2.30am the phone rang

"DId you know the driver's number?" -- Of course NOT

"Did you still keep the copy of paper?" -- Oh Hell! where did I put it??!!

Great~!

Wake up and find the stupid paper!

found it

But the time written there is 10am

So now WHAT?

Delay our departure time??

Guess so

Really sorry to hear that

Now

Damn tired

Thinking of the bus issue

Really sorry

Guess this is my fault

I forget about it

>.<"

TMD!

#$%^&*)(*&

I hope that sometime you use your common sense

Now I can't even online

Damn!

Damn Happy !

Finally come!!

No need to take medicine!!!

Happy Happy Happy~!!

But But But

Another issue - Pain

>.<"

Good morning

Today when I wake up

It's raining

Still abit tired

But can't sleep back

Maybe is the side effect of the exam

See what exam done to me?!

By the way

Today mood is damn good

Wonder why

But nevermind

Have a nice day for today.. ^^

Letter To GOD

Dear God,

I am having FAR II examination in 1 1/2 Hours, please let me finish this examination with peace and calm. I promise I will try my best to score the subjects. Please let me pass this subject. Please. If there is C, I will accept the consequences that I didn't actually really put effort during this semester. But Please don't let me fail.

May God bless all of the people who taking FARII

teng

Now, I aim for pass

Pray that these topic will come out

1. Construction contract

2. Impairment asset

3. Revenue recognition

4. Borrowing Cost

If these topic is easy and I will certainly passed

Please

Let me pass

As I beg and pray

Very scare by NOW

Very scared now

All the topic I had covered

I only really can understand

1. Construction Contract

2. Revenue Recognition

3. Impairment Asset

4. Borrowing Cost

Not yet study

1. Investment

2. Policy

Still not able to do the questions

1. Consolidation

2. Cash Flow (The worst)

Others

1. Intangible Asset

2. Business Combination

3. Inventories

4. Ratio

Damn scare by now

Really

Study study study

It's 2.14am

Damn tired by now

Hungry somemore

Just finished study

1. Impairment Asset

2. Intangible Asset

3. Business Combination

4. Inventories

And I am just glance through

Damn tired ~~!

It's 1.25 am

Good morning guys

But it seems like a lot of MMU Accounting Student still awake and suffer with FAR II

Well, my World War II haven't started

But I almost die half way

I just finished revision

1. Construction Contract

2. Revenue Recognition

3. Consolidation

4. Borrowing Cost

I spent almost 1 hour for this

Still have

1. Impairment Asset

2. Intangible Asset

3. Business Combination

4. Cash Flow (not really touch before)

5. Policy

6. Investment

7. Inventories

8. Ratio

Assuming that I use 1 hour for 4 topics

I need AT LEAST 2 more hours

But for Cash Flow

I think I need more time

Means I need 2-3 hours

NOT including tutorial exercise

NOT including past year exercise

NOT including sleeping

NOT including eating

OMG

I am going to be death SOON

But I rather to be so

An A for FAR II and get die half way ?

It's damn worth ~!

Good luck guys~~

PS: Dear Yi Mei still struggling her Management memorizing, Good Luck Dear~!

One more War —— World War II (Teng Version)

French done perfectly
Better than I think
So no problem for that

Now...
Here she comes
I assume it as "she" because she is just as scary as our lecturer
For those who doesn't really know what I am talking about
Financial Statement and Reporting II!!
This is one of the most wonderful subject in Accounting

Tomorrow is the paper
And I not really finish study or revision
Shall I survive tomorrow??!

My version of World War I is when FAR I that semester where I was taking
1. FAR I
2. MA I
3. Finance
4. Management
5. Macro economy
Something like that if I not mistaken
3 calculation which is my weakness as I lazy to do exercises
Management memorizing 15 chapters almost 500++ pages
I memorize ALL~~!!

Now the World War II is worst
As I didn't go to class
Didn't do any tutorial
Didn't understand what is that topic at all
So
It's pretty much a challenge to me
IF I really score 4 flat this semester
I will proudly announce myself
"I AM A GENIUS!"

So now, After dinner
I am going to start my preparation for the war
I need to input all the bullets and bombs last minutes
Hopefully she is not that scary
Either she dies or I die
Which I honestly prefer she is the one who DIES
I want to concur you FAR
BE ready when I am there~!

---- To be continue for the Ending ----

Going to Break Down SOON

French, just get started
Start to nervous

THe worst thing FAR
SHit~!
still got lots to go
HOW???

Nervous + Scare
Emotion comes again like last time
OMG~
PASS PASS PASS
FAR let me PAASSSSSS

4 Down, 2 To Go

Good afternoon
After 1 hour of deep sleep and rest
I am energetic ~!
WoW
Never really sleep that deep and peace during exam
Finally can sleep that well
Happy ^^

But Even left 2 more subjects
My taxation
Well, I sort of in the "giving up" situation just now
I don't really want to care as I don't really know how to do
BUt nevermind
Should be A I guess
Hopefully

The hardest and the most scary paper
F A R
When I think of FAR it sound like "Fear And Run"
I feel like running
its 3.18pm
Still got half day to go
Focus Focus Focus

Go get a nice sweet bath first
Then my afternoon is perfect with Food, drink, game, sleep and peace
Then here's when the FAR attack me
Who cares
I will just enjoy my sweet lovely bath first

Mad!

Damn it~!
Like everybody like to make me mad
What the hell
Is it that fun to make me mad somehow?
Or is that my problem?
When I got mad, you said me show my temper
When I remain silent, you say another thing
What you want

Then sometime when people wish somebody to bother
He end up ask you go to bed
Right, my bad first
I am the one who got mad with him
I am the one who shows my temper to him
So, it's normal for him to do that
He doesn't have the duty to do anything for me

And Jack, was trying hard to undo what he had done
Justin, Well, like always
Pretend nothing happen
But add another small bomb in the between
Great~!

Wonderful night

Should I get a Hamster?

Well, A friend of mine, he want to give away his hamster as his mother swear will kill those hamster if he didn't get rid of them
So sad






Should I get it?
Well, not that I am a hamster-person
I never actually really like it
But when I saw the hamster
Surprisingly it looks lovely to me
Not like last time when I really afraid

But
Can I afford?
not really
So.. what now?

A Journey of Finding Electronic Pet

Yesterday when I was taking my dinner and saw Arthur in MMU　Corner
I spotted one of his friend was playing Electronic Pet
It makes me feel like playing it
But when I ask where she bought it
She said from Jusco RM90 each
OMG~!
Damn expensive man~!
I know maybe that is original
I still remember of getting one causing around RM50 for my sister
And I didn't get myself one

That's the facts that I always give what my sister want
And won't want to spend any money on myself
Cause it just too expensive~!

I still remember when I was small
I saw my friends was playing it
I want to have one
But I don't have pocket money as every meal was prepared or brought by my father every rest time
Until I was secondary school
The thing no longer popular
So it's kinda hard to find it somehow

Until
When I in MMU foundation
I accidentally saw one in a grocery shop
I bought it immediately
And started to play
That time
Everybody was laughing at me
But I really never play before
So I kinda enjoy it

Too bad
It spoiled after few months
And I can't find it anymore

After yesterday
I saw it
And it burns my enthusiasm again
After final
I am going to get one for myself
I am going to find it
Of course a cheaper one
Not that expensive one





A journey to get Electronic Pet
Wish me Luck~!

Finally Online

Finally can online
It's actually because of the stupid modemn
haha
Finally

3 Down

Great~!
3 exam gone
Very tired
Memorizing and nervous for whole
Now relax myself
Played 4 round of games
Got 1 break record 165 rounds~!!
Yay~! Justin Lin I beat you~!

But now
I am really tired
And scare of course
Taxation will be the next subject
French Then FAR
FAR~~
OMITOFO~!

My scholarship can't afford for me to fail FAR
So I HAVE TO PASS
I had decided
Even I got C I still have to work for it
Cause I cannot fail
If I fail
I can't take CA
Means I have to extend my degree
And JPA won't allow it~!!!
So SO so so
GOD
Please let me PASS
I ask for C
I aim for B
So I will try my best for it
Please Please let me PASS

SO SO SO
LET ME PASS
I will work for the next semester
I will graduate with a CGPA of 3.8 at least ~~!!
I PROMISE

Auditing

Good morning guys
Today 3pm will be my auditing examination
Kinda worry somehow even I memorize almost everything
But the thing is "how am I suppose to implement it"
Great~!

Tips:
1. Internal Control
2. Companies Acts + Independence Audit
3. Purchasing/Sales/Inventory
4. Chapter 5
5. Before. during, after the inventory

Now, I have to refocus everything again
Not sure whether can I manage it
But I really hope I can
I going to make all subject above A
Just in case my FAR got any "incident"

Audit, please behave yourself ya
Let me get A then I won't complaint about you making me miserable anymore
Love you much much Auditing


Good Luck ~!

Scare + Stress + Worry + Nervous

Now it's 9.30pm
I just finished READ everything
Seriously
I don't even really memorize it
Everybody said I can
But I start to weaken down
I start to cry and giving up
I guess Jack also started to worry somehow

Well, I suddenly lack of self-esteem
I don't know why I am not that energetic like last time like saying
" I will finished memorizing 10 chapters tonight!"
ANd then I really did it
But not tonight
I don't know why

I am really really
stress out
Freak out
Scare
And damn worry

God~
Please let me calm down
For tomorrow and tonight as well

First paper - PWC

Well, I nearly got heartattack just now
I was focusing on Job Application Letter so hard until I almost forget the Business Letter
I just have a peek on it during the way back to MMU before the exam
For this, Special thanks to Lua Siok Ching and Tony Hang for reminding me

When I went into the exam hall
I quickly flip to the back
"Letter of Complaint"!!!!
!!!!!
OMG~!
I forget the format
I don't know actually
All I was thinking is "SHIT"!

Then I asked person beside me to make sure letter of complaint just as formal letter format
Then I turn behind to ask more
Until a lecturer come and ask me "any question?"
First time in my life
I just said "i was asking the lecturer's name" while her name already written there
Such a lousy lier

Well, overall
It's not really that bad until I don't know how to answer AT ALL
Just there won't me 100% confident to get A+/A
Hopefully I can get A at least
Worst please give me A-

Now having AIS revision
GOOD LUCK~!

Everybody Hurts

Don't know, don't know if I can do this on my own
Why do I have to leave you?
It seems I'm losing something deep inside of me
Hold on, hold onto me

Now I see, now I see

Everybody hurts some days
It's OK to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way and that's ok

Ladadadada that's OK

It feels like nothing really matters anymore
When I've gone you can't breathe
And you know I never meant to make you feel this way
This can't be happening to you

Now I see, now I see

Everybody hurts some days
It's OK to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way and that's ok

Ladadadada that's OK
Lalalala

So many questions, so much on my mind
So many answers I can't find
I wish that I could turn back the time
I wonder why

Everybody hurts some days
Everybody hurts some days

Everybody hurts some days
It's OK to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way and that's ok

Ladadadada that's OK
Lalalalala that's OK

Everybody hurts some days
It's OK to be afraid
Everbody hurts some days
But we all feel OK
Everybody feels this way
But it'll be OK
Can somebody take me away
To a better place
Everybody feels this way
It's OK

It's OK, ladadada it's ok
Lalalala, it's OK

分手就能解决一切？？

I know it won't
It will hurt HIM
There will be scar in his heart

He asked:"Don't you wanna stay a little while?"
We danced a little while until the song finish
Well, I can feel something
I don't want to go
But Can I ?
I can't really
I can't stay on both side

Just like he mentioned
I am not tired because of being in love
I am tired because I need to care BOTH people
At the end
I would rather to ignore BOTH
It's true
I am really tired
No matter how or what I did
There is always somebody get hurt
Why not I choose to let go BOTH

I know break-up can't solve anything
But at least it can ease everything isn't it?
The main thing is let me really really really know WHO I really want to be with
It's not that I will certainly going to choose who
At least I have the space to think
I really need space

Sorry darling, I might not want to break-up
But I hurt you deep enough
I trying to do what I should do
I trying to stop doing what I am doing
But I need some space

I don't care who and what others thinks about me
Saying me a bitch or what
I will do it in my own way

Even we break-up
It's just awhile
Let me think for awhile
If you and me meant to be together
I will back
I promise
I will back IMMEDIATELY
I promise

PWC Revision

Tubo engine with PWC Revision
Have to
As I didn't even look at it before
Seriously

And now,
I have another student with me, Jack
He is much worst than me
Great
I have to prepare all the notes
And finally I done

Now, I just have to start study and memorizing
Good luck~!

4 hours of sleep

Great~! I can still manage to study and play games until now
Not bad
If tonight I can still hand on
Then I will Continue to study

Near Morning

The temperature starts to cold right now
Jack sleeps soundly
Wish I can sleep that nice

Who say alcohol can make people sleepy?
Well, it did
FOr awhile

Wish I can sleep now
It's late 4am in the morning

Mosquitoes bite me
Cold wind

Jack will be in Gym tomorrow morning
What should I cooked?
Fried rice?
Maybe just some simple can food - red bean
Should I get some green bean soup?
Maybe
Depends on when I wake up

La Nuit

It's 3.19am right now
Studying UBS Accounting
Blur
Confuse
Start to scare

Don't know why this semester didn't have the innovation to study
Guess I start to scare somehow

So, work hard
Good luck~!

Lunch Time!

After whole morning busy doing things
THen prepare lunch for Justin
To ease his unhappiness
First time he eat with us

Know what I cooked?


Toufu and meatball


port meatball~!


Not sure tasty or not
But worth to try
^^

Great! I'm Bleeding ~!!

Shit Man~!
You not going to do this to me NOW
SHIT ~~!

F***!

Shit !
I really don't know who you are?
You have the same surname with me
But why are you acting this?

You show that you care about me
Did you really ?????
You said I should have at least tell you
Will you listen ?
You said I should at least sms let you know
So that you can call back
Will you care?

WHen I chat with you
You busy chat with Others as well
And you better know who are THEY

Mad~!
Everytime you say you care
You show that YOu didn't care!

I am your sister
Will you at least care?!?!

All those guy that chase you
Are they so important??
You just fooling all of them somehow
You just want everybody to focus on you
Are they so important that you will willing to neglect your own SISTER??!!

Why is it like that EVERYTIME??
I can't even match any of those guys that flirt with you?!
You won everything
My friend
Daddy
Relatives
Everybody likes you more than I do
All I need is some attention from you
Can't you really do that ??

You get enough attention
Why Can't I have some little from you?
All I need is you care about me
That's all I ask
Nothing more

Tired

Wow, I think I should go write a novel about my love story
So that whenever people ask
I will just ask them to read it

Seriously
Listen to 2 people talking about my problems
Repeating the same stories like don't know how many times
Seems to be really really tired

Tired

But thanks for caring anyway
I love you all

Juin How

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!
Well, please don't misunderstand me
I didn't really love him as "LOVE"
Just a love for a friend
A true friend

I am glad to have you as a friend
Even I used to bullied you EVERYDAY whenever I have the chance
Even I did like you before
I still happy to have you as a friend

Just like last time
You were there for me
You know how to comfort me
You know what I want
Except ONE
You gave me a sweet when I once cried in the tuition centre cause I got scold by my mum
Some more the sweet You gave I didn't like
BUt it's sweet

I might give you a bad impression now
I am so sorry

But I will settle it
I promise
I will take your advice

Thank you so much !

Rule

You can change as much love as you wan
but
please don't love 2 people at once

Sorry Juin How
I think I really make you very mad am I?

You gave me advice
You care about me so much
Thank you so much

It really helps
I really glad that I have a friend like you
Thanks a lot

I know what to do now
At least
I have a rough idea

It just most likely what I plan to do
Guess
You make my day better

Really thanks to you
You really ease me a lot
Even I made you so mad

I promise you
I won't come out with this kind of mess again
I will get out of it

I will settle this thing with you when I get back Penang
I will
You might throw things to me like what you mention
But
I know you care a lot of me
You always there for me
You were there when I really need help
You gave me advice
You gave me comfort
You called when I unhappy with ANYTHING
You called when I cried
You called when I mad
You were there all the time

Of course
You called me when you bored
You find me when you want to bully me
You find me when you got problem with your girlfriend
We chat at the wrong time
Sometime before your/my class
Even just a few mins
It's really funny
BUt
Thanks for always be with me

Thanks
I am so glad to have you as a Friend
And
SOrry for making you think that I am a jerk

Stalker

Well, Are you a stalker or what?
I never thought you were playing that kind of role somehow
By the way
He knew
So...
No comment

Then, He asked me
"Is Humour another Stalker?"
Well
Can I say no?

Well
Not sure what to response to all those "flower" lately
Hopefully everything will be fine

Not only people around me feel stress
Me myself feel tired as well

Hungry Vs Lazy

Who will win?

I am hungry now
BUt lazy to move
Want to sit there and study and online

So
WHo will win??

Kidding??

OF course is....





LAZY~!! =p

Balance

I am looking for some balance
Some solution
Can I really get answer?

Well, I missed him
I want to see him
I really do
But
I didn't because I don't want to hurt Jack
I don't want let him so difficult

But he seems like doesn't understand what I mean all these time
He wanted me to stop contact him
But even if I did
I still miss him

I know Jack is working really hard to get near me
But the nearer he tries to get, the further I get

I want to just break up with him
But I just can't
It's very cruel to him

But it's cruel to both of THEM as well
If continue like this
Both will kill me before I can slowly drown myself

Sometime I wish that I can just let go Jack
But there is something still prevent us from leaving
I don't know why
Like we already get used with each other

Sometime I want to be with him
But I am afraid
Really really really afraid
And I don't know what I am afraid of

Sometime I want to be just who I am
Single
Tough
But
It's obviously I am running from the main problem
Useless

Tell me now
What should I do?

There is no more balance between us
3 of us is out of balance

How to solve it?!
Seriously
I seeking for help

Everybody ask me don't let go Jack
He is like born to match me
He fits me just nice
Like nobody will
Seriously, I know
But, can we got through this?

Some of them ask me to follow my feelings
But is it right?
Will it end up a mistakes?

Fall In Love

I think I really fall in love
Can I stop it?
I know it's isn't right
What should I do now?

Food

My brain is thinking about food

Chocolate
Ice Cream
Seoul Garden
Sushi
Satay Celup
Coconut Milk Shake
BBQ
And many more

Guess what?
When I went to pasar malam
I want to eat fried mihun (so I bought it as my dinner)
But I end up thinking for a curry chicken
Then Laksa
Then "Carrot Cake"
Then "O jian"
Then Keropok
Seriously
I really really end up damn hungry on the way back

Found it

Just exact the feel I wanted

Illness

Damn~
What now?
Is it my health is having "red light" now?

Everyday sure not feeling well
Fever
Headache
Stomache
Now nausea?

Seriously
I need to go for a medical checkup after final

无事不登三宝殿

Seriously, it's really funny
WHen I want to find a English version of this phrase
Nobody knows
Then something comes out my brain (Which I know it will turns out to be a joke)
I got the translate
"Nothing does not goes to the temple"
haha~
Funny

Well, Seriously
A friend
Is it for purpose?

Seriously,
The person will actually finds you when she needs you
Especially when she wanted everything of your exam thing
Really unhappy

Why can't we just like last time?
Like a sister?

JEzz.. I miss that

PS: I did thought of putting "Nothing does not goes to the temple" as the tittle But it might turns out to be stupid, So I just ignore it.. lalalalala~~~

No theme

There is no suitable theme for this blog
As if it has no main reason for this
It's like Lost in the middle of the road

Used to use that blog to express my feeling
Special feelings
THere are meaning
BUt
Now, everything seems very confusing

That's why keep changing themes
WIsh to find a nice theme to settle down

魔羯座女 (Love it cause Damn Accurate!)

魔羯座女生不喜欢的恋爱花招
第三招：欲擒故纵
像巨蟹座、魔羯座的人，她已经很容易没有安全感了，又很保守，所以当你欲擒故纵的时候，他就会有一种消极的感觉，然後心想你可能对我不感兴趣吧！然後就打退堂鼓，魔羯座也类似如此。

如何讨好12星座女生

最喜欢有为有守的青年，所以你只须要表现出你认真去工作，就可以讨好他了，然后再把钱全部交给她处理，她会更爱你喔∼

魔羯座座女的爱情观
她们在外表上看来，多半是朴素的，但偶尔，也会看到几位穿着大胆，行为表现前卫的摩羯座女子．在土星守护下的摩羯座女子，绝少有轻易吐露心事的习惯，大体上来说,她是不怎麽乐观的．她不是不相信会有美好的未来，但是她肯定所有的未来必定要靠自己努力去奋斗！她没有依赖心,而且非常实际．摩羯座女子的爱情多数总要在一切有了保障的情况下产生．并不是说她一定要你家财万贯，但是你起码要有显而易见的光明前途．摩羯座女子的固执就如她的实际一样有名，想要改变她的观念，恐怕比登天还难呢！她们经常把每件事都看得太认真了！她们虽然多半都不是你敢轻易造次的女性，但也绝不是缺乏女性魅力的男人婆．她们脚踏实地的纍积自己的财富,社会地位以及生存能力．绝不浪费时间在幻想白马王子的出现．

魔羯座座女生喜欢的男生类型
要想追求魔羯座的女生，你的条件必须是：自信但谦虚的态度，体面优雅的外表。因为魔羯座女生重视外表，社会地位及影响力。她自己也是一个对工作有企图心的人。她们对两性的关系有长远的规划，注重“未来”，所以你的“潜力”远比你现在的成就及地位更重要。

魔羯座女能忍与不能忍

* 能容忍--有名无实的婚姻
* 无法容忍--另一半不思进取不求上进

魔羯女不太能接受婚姻破裂的感觉，离婚之后小孩怎麽办？好不容易习惯了一个人又要重头开始去习惯另一个人？这些对于魔羯女来说都是很头大的问题。不到迫不得已保守而又朴素的魔羯座是不会走到离婚这步，贤淑的她们会一忍再忍。但是对于力争上游的魔羯女来说，她们很不喜欢不思进取的或者颓靡的人。

Mooncake

Well, Honestly I might like to eat mooncake
But not outside mooncake
Way TOOOO sweet to me
That's the main reason

That's why I like to eat home-made
Cause Mum will specially made less sugar for me ^^

miss mummy's 公仔饼



Actually not my mum's
BUt it looks alike!
Coconut favour
And
Red bean favour

Jezz
Mooncake ~
公仔饼~

Moon Festival

This is a festival that normally people gather with their family
Guess I didn't eat mooncake made by my mum since foundation
Not sure I still remember how it taste like
Kinda miss it

When I miss them
I called them
But end up got scold
And it's really frustrated when it's not really my fault
What to do
I am a "big sister" in my family

starting from tomorrow
I will be a tough lady
Focus ONLY on study
I want to be
TO be better
TO be stronger
So that I won't get hurt easily

I really wish that
Sometime I can be strong and get everything done by myself

Just like what happen today
It's another huge success!!
I did take bus ALONE to MITC
Well, to normal people, it's abit childish
But to me
It's like dream comes true
As I never take bus Alone before

Even it's scary
Even it's not easy
Even it took me a fever as "compliment"
I learned something
Another plus point!

I've been well taken care by my parents since I was child
Never take bus alone
Never go anywhere alone
Never go home late
Never stay out late
Never got into rain
Never eat Ramlee burger
Never
Never
Never a lot of things
But I tried when I reached here

I learn to take care of myself
I learn to be tough
I learn to be independent

Until I met him

I started to rely on him
I started to be weak

I still remember
I said something like this before to him
"I will survive better without you"
But can I now?

There had been a serious crisis lately between me and him
I worried that I can't survive without him
I worried that I am not save without him
I can't life without him

But there is another HIM
It's like I relying on both of them

It's not fair to either one of them

That's why I want to be tough
To be who I am
To see clearly who I am
TO see clearly what I want
THen only I can choose

I might end up cold-hearted awhile
To protect myself

I might end up tougher and serious
Sometime funny
Just to make sure I get along with people
Just to make sure I am fine among people

I want to prove that I am good without anybody
Even my asthma
Even my illness
Even if I die one day
I won't regret of trying
I won't regret
At least I done what I want to do


After all, it's moon festival
should be happy
And I had a wonderful memories lately

Not sure whether it is good or bad
So I just have to let it be
Not really want to care that much now
Just want to follow my feelings
No more logic
Until exam finish
Until it's time to settle everything



Happy moon festival!

Couple Necklace

Which one nicer?





Guess this is the best huh? ^^

Shit~!!!

I taken my medication that I didn't take for a very long time
almost 2 years I think

Never thought I will even touch it
It's not a medication that can stop it
But I know it will strengthen the lungs
I took it for years since Standard 2
I try to prove that I am tough to not taking it
A bit childish

But I don't really think I am
For now
Jezz

I need air
Dizzy right now
Shit~~~!!

Hopefully I don't need to go for medical checkup
Damn~!
I hate being weak! or being a health trouble person!

Started to Worry - Why does it comes so OFTEN lately?

The symptoms of asthma vary greatly from person to person and from attack to attack for the same person. Your ability to recognize the early signs & symptoms that lead to an asthma attack is crucial in avoiding emergency room visits. When you notice these signs, you should start following your Asthma Action Plan.

Before a full-blown asthma attack, there are usually early signs and symptoms you can recognise. Irritation of the nose and throat, thirst, and the increased need to urinate are common symptoms that may occur before an asthma attack. Each person has his or her own particular pattern of early symptoms, which gradually progress to a severe difficulty in breathing if not properly treated. The checklist of symptoms contains a list of the early signs of asthma symptoms.

The classic symptoms of an actual attack are coughing, wheezing, and shortness of breath. Wheezing when breathing out is very common during an attack. Often the attack begins with wheezing and rapid breathing and, as it becomes more severe, all breathing muscles become visibly active.

Some people first experience chest tightness or pain. Chest pain occurs in about 75% of asthmatics; it can be very severe and its intensity is unrelated to the severity of the attack itself. The neck muscles may tense and talking may become difficult or impossible. The end of an attack is often marked by a cough that produces a thick, stringy mucus. After an initial acute attack, inflammation persists for days to weeks, often without symptoms. (The inflammation itself must still be treated, however, because it may causes relapse.)

The most common symptoms are:

Shortness of breath (dyspnea)
If you experience breathlessness after laughing or talking this could mean asthma. You may also find that you feel the need to breathe in before you have finished breathing out.

Wheeziness
This is the whistling sound sometimes heard when you breathe. It indicates airway narrowing. Please note that not all asthmatics wheeze and not all wheezing indicates asthma.

Exercise makes you breathless
If physical exertion (playing sport, walking up a flight of stairs etc.) makes you more breathless that it could be an indication of asthma.

Tight chested feeling
This sensation feels like a tight band across your chest - like an elastic band or a heavy weight resting on your chest.

Excessive mucus production
Gurgling or rattling and coughing up a lot of white frothy mucus is common. Sometimes it will be thick and yellow or green.

Cough
A recurring, irritating cough is frequently a sign of asthma. This persistent cough usually occurs in the cool air, at night or after exercise.

Chest pain
When air is trapped in the airways due to inflammation, the surrounding membrane stretches, and causes pain.

Nasal Problems
Nasal congestion and/or running nose is often an accompanying feature of asthma. Rhinitis is often called asthma of the nose.

Disturbed Sleep Patterns
Problems such as snoring or waking up numerous times during the night is a very common asthma symptom.

Lethargy
Feeling very tired is quite usual for asthmatics. It is often the result of broken sleep, diminished oxygen supply to the body and also the build up of lactic acid which tires the muscles.

http://www.buteyko.co.nz/asthma/attack/symptoms.cfm

6 out of 10
Shit~

Is it because of stress?
Like what happened in Standard 2?

Is it because of depression?
Like what happened THAT moment?

Is it because of tiredness like it always does?

Shit~
It shouldn't come that often in hot days
Started to worry

Not sure

Not really sure how I feel now
Feel like I don't want to stay at anybody's side now
Not Him (Well, I want abit but guess I just can't)
Not Jack

I don't have any feelings on him
No excitement
Nothing
Maybe like what he said
Responsibility and commitment

I don't feel much pain when he left
It's "sour"
I feel the uneasiness
I want to cry but it doesn't really come out
Just some tear around my eyes

It's like I switched off all my emotion button
Great~!
I slowly become the past-me
Is it hurt me that much?
I don't know
I am so calm
Jezz
I really looked like last time
Seems like it had been 2 years I didn't smile like that
And I did it a lot lately
I smile when I didn't mean to
I smile just to try to hide my uneasiness and unhappiness
Jezz
Me and Jack and HIM really hurt me that much
Damn ~!

Not sure what's going on
But I think I just let it be like this until I finish my exam
Just have to focus on exam right now

The worst
I guess there is nothing I can say
I will become a wonder woman back
Just like the past time

Sad

I lost my pearl necklace
Is it at the classroom?
I only realize when I in MITC
Really sad
haiz
Not only it's real and expensive
It is really nice as well
It's a black purple pearl



See how nice the colour is it?
Jezz
I miss it now
Regret of wearing it today
sob