stressful

Stress. I hadn't really get stressfull since the end of the SPM exam and the day me and some other human were working out on something. For the last few months, my time are wasted like the paper in this world, not really wasted but it is kinda wasting of time. It just during that time i wasn't have anything to worry about. Even my SPM result is coming out doesn't bother me at all like i was wonder how can i manage to do it. Somehow, i am now scare. Scare will be a nice and perfecr word to say rather than nervous. I am scare about the JPA interview. I was totally not in confidence at all but my mum seem to be perfectly confident with me!! My god!! not again. I really hope she wasn't put any faith in me!! not this time. urgh!! it is really frustrated to think that i am going to let her down AGAIN... i can't imagine that. she was keep on and on telling me this and that with hope, that's the problem. hope. the last thing i wanted from her. i am really afraid that i wil hurt her agian and she should know that the chances are as thin as the tiny rain. oh god.. please bless me...

not only the interview thing had make me stressfull. The scholarship thing and the matrix thing. They did put their "help" to make me stressfull. I was really worry and tired to do this things. It is like doing the thing that would give me good opportunty to improvce myself and yet the chances are so slim. I wish the chances will be fatter than i am. but i can't help it. I am not good enough. I always does. Like my mother said. I always not good enough. This future thing is getting my nerve on. haix.. but what can i do anyway ecspect grunting here and there. I had to solve it my own. that's the matter.

and somehow, the luck is not my side. i fall sick at this moment. haix.. I don't really know what to say. I am sick and my voice is way too "nice" to talk. urgh.. i hate it..

stress.. stress and stress.. it never end and never less....

nice and lovely

these few days is kinda happy and wonderfull day among most of the day in these few months.. i am kinda happy for the first time.. haha... it seems like very serious that i am a sad person...haha... don't get misunderstood... i am a "happy" person if you said so.. haha.. i can be one if you like.. haha.. it just that many thing happen among these few months and it turn me down.. make me sadder... haixx.. whatever it is.. it doesn't matter with that..


sister and her friend in tao

sister friend came to stay with us for few days and it turn out to a pleasant weekand i had.. haha.. espect i had to gain a few weight in order to accompany her to eat around our house.. haha.. first we when to tao to have lunch... it is really disastrous if you said so.. haha.. let me tell you why... somehow.. we kinda boring with the food and that's why we keep order our favourite food.. haha.. and it turn out that all of us getting very very full and we can't even had our dinner.. it is really missarable.. haha.. yet.. they had their supper... i wonder how can they had it... i can't barely ate anyting for the whole day.. haha.. maybe i should consider of making my stomach bigger.. kakazz..

after that, we went to Pacific.. haha.. to be honest, it is really tired.. haha.. we had to show her around in Pacific.. besides that, sister is looking for her new handphones.. haha.. and mine too.. but i haven't found anything i like.. so did mum.. haha.. so i just hope that i can found my handphone soon.. haha.. and we bought some things.. haha.. kinda fun.. and tired, of course.. haha...



and then, Jusco of course.. how can we missed that new shopping mall? haha.. and that's the place i seen my friends.. they worked there of course.. haha.. and she bought me a rubix.. haha.. i bought myself a new purse.. and sister? she did buy lots of things like the shopping mall's things is free of charge.. books... bags.. and present for her friends.. haha.. i just wonder how is she manage to pay for it.. haha.. but it is not under my consideration.. she is big enough to manage herself.. haha.. it is useless for me to worry about her finace problem while i myself having some of it.. haha... ^^

one of the best things when she came is she had taught me how to play rubix.. haha.. and i learnt it fast enough to beat her.. wakakaz... and my sister too.. haha.. i learnt faster than my sister... yeah.. haha.. so fun.. and i start getting addicted with that.. haha.. i keep on play and play.. in car and whatever place i manage to.. hehe.. not bad... haha.. and then she "bought" me the twilight series... new moon and eclipse the one i want to buy when i had enough money.. haha.. thank for that ya.. ^^







the next day we hangging out together and showed her our wet market.. haha.. and then we had a gathering with my granparents and relative.. it is really weird for her to follow.. but there is no other alternative for that and she had to follow.. haha... my granma.. had become older than she used to..haix.. people getting old when times fly.. that's all for the wonderful and nice weekend... haha.. it is short and not having detail because it is really obvious that i am seriously tired, and lazy... haha.. lazy is one of my recently excuses..haha.. weirdo.. ^^

big day

SPM always the big day for all of 18 year old student in Malaysia.. no matter how happy or how sad there are.. 12/3/2009 is the turning point of the next journey of our life.. and to be honest... i am not really in a good mood to write this blog... everyone is happy for me... some of them is completely dissapointed with me... so i am totally in the half way of dissapointment and frustration... i am really not happy with my result... after what i had been through.. after what i prepared.. so hard and never give up to improve my English... it is really hopeless.. haix.. i am really dissapointed with myself... haix.. so please forgive me for not giving any details... i try... later.. after a few days.. i try..
good luck you guy..
for those who get good result... conglatuation...
for those who not happy... don't be too sad...

i passed!!! i passed!!!!!

haha... i finally passed my car test... haha... happy and tired of cause...
before the day of the car test.. it is really a misarable day for me...
maybe is i get cold at the day before when i practice the car.. i was totally dying and din't really feel well enough...
what getting worst is when the last time of the practice... i realised that i wasn't that good like i thought... cause of the "lovely" uncle always ask me to do this and that.. till myself don't know what to do when i drive alone...



after i asked... i drive my own... and it is really sucks.. i forget many things and got scold... haix... that day is almost the worst day ever among the car lessons... dissappointment comes as fast as the confidence i got the day before..
i was soo sad and down after that... i started to scare... scare about the test.. i wasn't not ready and i found out that my stomach are full of butterflies... my god... everything turn to the worst... i can't eat.. i don't want to talk and started to feel like fever... my godness... either is because of the cold or the nervous... whatever it is... i still have to get rid of it before i took the test...


car test day is totally a disastrous.. i din't even slept well that night... i woke up 4 times... my godness... i was afraid to miss the time... haix... then i wasn't in mood to eat or whatever... it is nearly like daydreaming when i woke up that morning... i was nearly a ghost to be acurate.. haha... then the terible day started... i was the 3rd section... and i have to wait... WAIT.!!! the horible things to do... wait till almost 2.30pm or later.. it is really a torture... my godness.. i think i was going to kill someone there or commit a crime.. lucky to them cause the moment i want to... they called my name... haha... they are really lucky cause there is going to be a tornado coming if they still don't called my name.. haha.. and then.. i passed!!! haha... it wasn't that happy liike i thought i will be.. cause i was totally tired and exhausted... i wasn't have any energy to be happy.. beside there is nobody there to share with me.. they went back earlier than i am.. haix... left me alone... it is really a tired and lonely day... haix..
but what i am happy is i finaly passed... and i wasn't going to test again.. neither motorcar or car test.. haha... i am free!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss my friends

yesterday is the day i went to Jusco to buy something...
and i met a lots of friends there...
my godness...
they change...
people change in different aspects...
there seems like so different...
to be honest..
i nearly can't know them...

it is so weird seeing them working there instead of meeting in school like we used to be..
5 years met in school..
and now..
world is changing...
people changing..
time is flying...
they all pass without mercy...
and all we used to do is chase the time...
to catch up it so that we don't leave behind among the others..
we try our best to run to fly to chase the time...
and somehow...
we miss a lots of things beside us...
many..
friendship, family...
love and cares...
the honesty...
the loyalty...
the moral..
it is not easy to complete all these...

but i cares about my friends and my family..
i miss them...
i cares about them..
but sometime they are way to far for me to care them..
i really miss them...
i miss their laughter and their sadness that we had been through together...
i miss our memories...
no matter how good and how sweet it is...
it is still fresh in my memories...
without them i feel so lonely and empty...

i really miss them..

but sometime...

i wonder did they really remember me...

do they think the same way i do...

or they just go on and on as they have to.?

i wonder...
i really miss you all...

may all of us be happy and all our dreams will come true...

take care my friends... ^^