Worry

Frankly speaking,
There is 3 things in my mind that I am super duper worry
1. midterms, Can I finish revising?
2. my health, What the hell is wrong with my asthma or heart?
3. my birthday, worry that he will overspent the money

No Forces

It's like kinda pressure to have my own birthday celebration 

Well, honestly, just forget about it

Really no forces 

I mean, I just want to get that opportunity to have fun 

So, don't have to like force or what 

Seriously, it's just a birthday 

Just a normal dinner will do 

Maybe no dinner and straight to Mixx also nevermind 

It's cool 

Really don't have to do like I have to have people to celebrate with me 

Since I know it's a peak season that time 

So, really 

No force

No pressure 

^^

Recall

Looked back my 20th birthday
Honestly, that night was really really one of the greatest night ever
Except a small moment of that
I was like the happiest girl in the world

I guess that time I did look thin and nice

Making wish and I love the cake very much

3 sistas that celebrate with me

My true blood sister

My 38 sista that crazy together, love her much!! 

My gor gor that did a lot of crazy things together with me

My beloved darling, doesn't we look cute together?

With everyone with me 

Receiving presents 

Receiving wishes from everyone 

Doing things that I loved so much 

Everyone is loving me 

Seriously, I am the most happiest girl in the world

Suddenly

I kinda looking forward for my 21st birthday 

Even though I didn't really have any vision on it 

Maybe I am afraid of dissapointment 

Or maybe I didn't dare to wish more than it 

I guess I am happy 

I will be happy on my birthday 

Cause everyone love me so much! 

Rain Walk

After everything happened
I really really have no mood
But still I need to go to STAD for prom night matters

Kak Nita want me to redo the letter
I wish that I able to finish up the letter today as tonight there is a meeting with others
I need a computer and printed on the spot

He suggested to Miss Lim's room
But she wasn't there
Then he suggested Mr. Liew's room
Honestly, that wasn't a very good idea
Really wasn't a good idea

I pretend that I finished everything and left
Then I headed to FBL LAB
Guess what?
He claimed that the line sucks
Then I think God like to make joke on me
After everything is done
And when I wanted to save the document
The Fucking computer restart
And guess what?
EVERYTHING IS GONE
I MEAN GONE
FUCK MMU !

And guess what happened?
He was being very frustrated and asked me to go home and do
4.30pm is late
Well, I really wanted to finish it
Then I asked him go back first since he didn't want to be there at the first place
He thinks that being there is bored and fucked up
Guess what?!
He really left
ha Ha HA
Tell me that he must be joking

After 5 mins the lab was closed
He left
And I walked home
I can't figure out why our relationship can become like that
I mean he used to do things with me no matter what I did
He used to be with me no matter what I want to go or do
NoW?

He said that its my problem
My temper problem makes him don't like to be around with me
So now it is my problem
I mean, am I really wasn't that good?

I read some articles mention about how both guy and girl fall in love
Where both of them will willing to do anything for each other
I felt tired cause I don't feel that he willing to do anything
I mean, he did it by force
Not because that he feels that he wanted to do

Is it my problem?
What should I change?
Tell me GOD
Please tell me where did I did wrong?!

Walking around under the rain
Feeling weird is the rain never hit me
Is this a comfort from GOD ?

I know I wasn't pray that much lately
I know I don't believe in GOD as much as I do last time
Is this the reason I being punished?

I know I scold people a lot
I know I complaint a lot
I know
Is this the reason I being punisheD?

Somebody tell me?

iPad Lost

ipad lost today
On the way back from Kluang to Melaka
Seriously, I never thought that it can just lost like that
I mean, I always remember it

I saw him holding it during the sleep
When I asked him to put in the jacket
I assume him already put it into the bag
I mean, he was holding
How the hell on earth can he didn't notice that?

When he came down from bus
His hand is empty
Yet he was the last person to get down
Logically, nobody will take the ipad
If it lost, it means the driver took it

When he told me that he didn't take the ipad
He assume it was with me
Honestly, I knew it was gone
But I still want to believe that it still hope

Yet, I can't able to get to the station on the spot cause I with his adopted parents
I wasn't really in mood

Yes, I wasn't in mood cause I am really really really never thought this can happen
I never thought something so expensive ever lost
I know it wasn't mine
I didn't pay a penny but it is something that shouldn't happen

Yet, the person who pay the money seems like nothing happen
That's why I cried
I mean, what is this?

He told me that, assume this is a lesson
A lesson
A lesson that I kept on reminding and reminding again and again
You will need to pay RM2000 to learn such lesson?!
And then I am the one who being a bad guy
To be emotion
To be unhappy
To be frustrated?!

I mean the fucking ipad cost over RM2000 and you assume it to be NOTHING?!
And yet I got an advice of
"It's RM2000, take it as lesson, maybe in the future you lost something more expensive like RM10,000"
Seriously, it that thing cost RM10,000 it will be stolen not lost

I didn't want to blame him as its his fault
But
But
He is like acting nothing happen
And he blame that its the medicine fault
The medicine that make him blurry
I mean, seriously?
Is it medicine problem or his problem?

GOD
Please give me the strength to face what is happening
Please give me the patient to deal with that is going on
Please give me the kindness to forgive
Please

I wish that I have that kind of kindness to forgive a lesson of RM2000
and forgive a person who blame medicine
and assume nothing happen as RM2000 is gone

不想理会的原因

不想理会的原因
1，“合同”
2，时常发脾气的我

看来是我的错
是我做的不够好
是我应该忍耐
是我应该把脾气收敛好

有没有人会设计一个人脑电子版？
请你安置在我的脑力
然后重新设置一个全新的我
好让我变成他的理想情人
温柔体贴
脾气温顺
魔鬼身材
时尚打扮
进得厨房出得厅堂
完美的女人

让他的个人世界
让他的内心世界没有怨言，没有无奈，没有无助
让他的生活圈子没有丢脸和带不出门的女人
为他的生活充满了乐趣，开心
而不是烦恼，懊恼

我的错
是我的不好
原来我不让你理会的原因
到头来是我自找的

First Time

I guess everyone has his or her first time
Well, I have mine
And what is the first time?

First time having facial treatment
Seriously, it WAS FUCKING PAINFUL 
Honestly, she was shocked when she know I have totally no clean and clear products
And she was surprise of me having no make up product as well ]
And a lot of stuff that surprise her
She was telling me I am the one of the limited kind of girl left in this world
Sorry to say, maybe I am

The lady was helping me to clean up the face stuff
The "black spot" and some of the pimples
Then I got a "special case" where really really am painful
Yet, it's not as much painful when she is "treating" my nose pimples cause I didn't "clean" it well
I tears up
Cause it was FUCKING PAINFUL

Seriously I learned my lesson
Starting from now I really need to protect my skin
It's not about what
It's because I don't want, I swear to GOD I really don't want to get through the treatment AGAIN!

First time facial treatment and first time mask user!
Really that kind of mask with treatment not the kind of paper stuff
Of course I slept during that time
Cause there is really nothing to do

OK
I getting more and more lady now
As she said, I can't be 18 forever
Fine fine fine
I started to cure my hair last month
This month started with with my skin
And seriously, for god sake, it is really expensive!!!
ThiNK about it again and again!!!
MONEY MONEY MONEY
TIME TIME TIME
PATIENT PATIENT PATIENT
All that I don't have!
Congratuation girl!
GOOD LUCK!