superwoman

Did anybody ever ever dream herself to become a superwoman before? or a superman for a guy? believe me or not.. i did wish that i am a superwoman sometimes.. well.. not really the superwoman superman type but is just that she can do whatever thing she want without tired..

Seriously.. i really don't have the strength to do anything i want in my life.. what i want.. what i care.. what i worry.. everything is so tired to maintain or have it.. you asking this from me and i promise you.. but see what i have done? i end up working for nothing.. haiz.. my parents asking me to take care myself and what did i done? staying late up at night eating junk food and so on.. and what i get now? a sick body.. cough sore throat fever sometime geriatrics?! that's not they want from me.. and that is not what i asking for either.. i really hate being sick.. it makes me feel not well still i have to be tough so that people around me won't worry about me.. haiz.. to be honest.. it not really a tough job to do since i have done it don't know how many years ago.. yet.. it still really tired to pretend..
this morning i woke up.. i feel like hell.. damm hell.. tiredness.. sore throat.. hoarse sound.. coughing non-stop... painful and yet tired.. completely disastrous.. i think i nearly cry just now.. but.. i din't of course.. it not that easy to cry actually cause it haven't touch my limits.. however.. it still like hell which i seriously don't like it.. haiz..

promises.. what about it.. that's why people say don't make promises when you can't keep it.. haiz.. i make lots of promises which i know i can do it if the situation haven't change.. but.. the fact is i break it.. haiz.. i really try hard but it never works.. what i did it wasn't enough for you.. cause it never looks like the past.. haiz.. i really am sorry.. i sorry i broke my promises and i suck just like i know by my own.. keep hurting people all the time..

Assignment assignment.. it actually bursting my time into a big boom here.. most of my time are filled with assignment, outline, essay, study notes, reading.. i don't even have the time to online.. somehow i know that you think that that is just excuses.. i really don't know how to tell you all these things.. i really don't know.. my time is packed and i sorry that i left you behind.. but i really helpless with all these things.. i am not as good as i think.. i can't finish these everything in one shot.. i wonder why you don't believe me.. haiz.. i really breathless and helpless here.. sometime i wish that i will just abandons all these jobs and run away.. sometime.. i know i enjoy escaping because the problems are temperance gone but it still there and i still have to face it.. however, i can't.. i don't have the guts or the responsiveness to do that.. cause that's the responsible i should take and that's what people count on me and i shouldn't let them down.. yet.. what do you feel if people letting you down? trust me.. i experience it.. not really a pleasant feeling when you still have to pretend that it is nothing while it is something there right in your heart that nearly shouted:" you know what, I DO REALLY CARE!!"

yesterday, another fight in my house.. haiz.. not really a fight among them.. but is among my sister and my mother or my father and it somehow related to my illness.. haiz.. why did they have to take so seriously with our words?! just a single damm word can be argued for so many hours calling here and there?!!! are they too free to do anything?! why can't they just stop worrying?!! i nearly kill me.. i think it is killing me right know.. it was like i in the middle of the hall, shout through my lungs and nobody even care to listen to me.. all they care is my result, my studies, my future love life ( ask me to be careful when choosing ), my health, my behavior, my attitude and everything.. but it is so weird that they don't even think about MY FEELING!! this words never exist in their mind or dictionary!!!!!! NEVER AND EVER!! whatever.. just be tough and solve everything when everybody in this world knows that it never going to be solved.. just get used to it.. two nuclear boom in the house one crazy and naughty guns in USM.. what can i do? i am not good enough to hold them and not get killed by them.. whenever i touch them.. there still an explosion that will end up hurting me.. even my own protection never enough to protect myself.. even it is enough.. deeply in my heart where nobody can see is bleeding and somehow i know one day i will end up losing too much blood for that..

helpless

whatever i do whatever i said whatever thing i think is all wrong.. wrong wrong wrong.. don't know when am i can stop being such an idiot haiz.. helpless and wordless and speechless.. all i want to do is cool down and make thing works slowly..

missing you

it had been almost 15 days for not meeting him around.. more than 2weeks.. really miss him.. yet.. i know that it is not right asking him to pay me a visit from his hometown.. i shouldn't and i am not going to do so.. but i just miss him... there is one more week to go.. i think i can still survive with it.. i know i can.. just that it is harder than i thought.. so.. i think i will try my best to be happy within next week.. looking forward to an happy and peaceful weekend which i seriously doubt that..

Miss you like crazy
by Natalie Cole

Even though its been so long,
my love for you keeps going strong

I remember the things that we used to do,
a kiss in the rain

Til the sun shined through,
Id try to deny it,
but Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away

Every hour of every day,
I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do,
theres just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes,
and it comes as such a sweet surprise

If seeings believing its worth the wait,
so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,
we're starting forever now,
and I miss you like crazy

I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away,
every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you baby,
a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and we're there again

Musical interlude

Just one night and well have that magic feeling like we used to do

Hold on tight and whatever comes our way were gonna make it through

i miss you

sleepless night

another sleepless night.. haiz.. so frustrated with myself that i can't sleep at night.. haiz.. so tired but i just can't sleep.. haiz.. really tired. huhu.. sometime i just wish i have some sleepness. haiz.. but i just can't cause i know that is something bothering me that i am ignoring it now.. i know what i ignoring now.. haiz.. but i just don't want to think about it.. haiz..
maybe sometime i am not tough enough like i thought.. sometime i prefer to escape.. cause escape sometime can ease my busy mind.. hehe.. sorry.. but sometime i just need some air to breath..
so .. hoping tonight will be a better night.. good luck..

freedom

people always hope for freedom.. freedom to make decision, freedom to do anything, freedom for making choices they like, freedom for this and that.. and seriously, i did wish for freedom myself but.. the only thing that i can say is "i can only dream to have this freedom but i will never going to really have it".. it is pretty weird isn't it? being so steady that you yourself are not going to have what you really want or really wish? actually, i am not suprise with this fact that " i would never own my freedom".. this is the fact that i will never deny but have to accept it..

my family rules.. haiz.. talking about those stupid rules.. that is the rules that my sister choose to ignore.. the rules that my sister choose to escape from it.. but i can't cause i am the youngest and all the hopes put on me.. haiz.. sometime i wonder why can't i be like sister? is that because i love my parents and not hoping them to get hurt?! haiz.. stupid me.. haiz.. that the only path that i have.. follow what my parents ask me to be.. follow THEIR way rather than mine way.. follow the rules and being tied.. haiz.. sometimes i really hope i can be untied.. but who is going to save me from these?! that's why.. myself.. but it going to take very long time.. haiz.. i really tired.. haiz..

"freedom is all i wish.. but that is what i never going to have.." and i have to get used to it..

061009

nice lunch

lovely lunch

different taste of char keow teao

dinner time!!

always miss this dinner

051009

hmm.. this is the first time after so long i been into my kitchen and cook for my family.. haha.. of course.. not all of them.. haha.. the pork dishes is cooked by mum.. haha.. i miss that a lot.. haha.. really taste nice.. haha..

simple and nice dinner

supper time~~ char keow teow

haiz.. what a wonderful day.. haha.. food.. food.. food.. my beloved food.. hahahahhahaha..

041009

This is 2nd day in Penang.. hmm.. it had been long time did not eat all these food.. haiz.. happy to eat them again!! haha.. ^^

hokkien mee

curry mee and kuih

duck rice

prawn yun tun - another my favourite!!

nice chicken rice !! haha..

031009

hmm.. what to talk about today? hmm.. seriously curious.. but the main thing is.. about food.. about what i had ate.. haha.. yeah.. eat!! haha.. that is the main purpose i come back to penang!! hahh.. YEAH...

yam rice

look nice and tasty..

021009

finally back home.. back to hometown.. the only thing i missed is the food..!! FOOD!! Penang's food is always tasted the best, i can say that.. haiz.. miss them all..

well, like usual, i reached at 4 something but my daddy wasn't there to wait for me.. so i have to stand there and wait for him.. of course like usual i did not sleep.. hehe.. in stead.. i went to school to meet all the teachers and friends.. i was talking non-stoply about 2 hours.. haha.. oh ya.. i missed one thing.. i did drive myself to school ALONE!! that's the main point!! i think daddy already passed me~!!! hahaha.. yay!!! ok, now back to the story.. i meet lots of friends!! haha.. i miss them a lot!! too bad i was really tired that i can't stay back to talk with them.. i going back after awhile.. to be honest, i really out of energy that time.. that's why i have to run because i am the one who is going to drive which need quite some attention.. haiz.. pros and cons.. like usual..

Leh Shan and me

Chew Hui and me

i take a nap during that afternoon and i think my parents and most of my friends are glad of it that i really take some rest.. haha.. maybe i really stubborn.. hehe.. sorry guys.. ^^

first dinner in penang - Bak Gut Teh

look nice isn't it?