相爱，难

世界那么大，爱上一个人那么容易，被爱也那么容易，但要互相相爱，竟这么难

如果你明白

其实女人跟着你就是要你疼的

女孩喜欢上了男人，对他很好，是很好的那种。她给他洗衣服，收拾房间，早晨买早点给他，小鸟依人的靠在男人身边。男人觉得有人这样无微不至的照顾是件很惬意的事情，于是他们顺理成章地在一起。男人习惯有女孩在身边的日子，可后来，女孩就离开了，是当男人在睡梦中的时候。

男人讲完之后一脸茫然的问我：“你说，我哪里做错了！我给她钱买化妆品，有人欺负她，我把那人揍了个半死，我这么爱她，她为什么就走了呢？”

我安静的听完他的故事，没办法给这个疑惑的男人一个满意的答案。我们从咖啡店走出来，过马路时男人瞅一个空挡便快步跑到对面向车流这边的我招手催我过去。我有些无奈的笑了。

我问男人是不是不愿意牵女孩的手。他说在家抱抱可以，在外面多不好意思啊。我说他过马路时一定比女孩快，他点头说你怎么知道？我说女孩在刷碗扫地的时候，他一定是悠闲的看着电视。男人摸着头说自己似乎明白了。我说，如果明白了就去挽回吧。

希望男人是真的明白了。

其实很多女人外表很坚强，内心却还是柔弱，需要男人呵护的。她不在乎你给了她多少钱，却会永远记得你调皮的从路边花坛偷回的那朵放到她手中的月季花。她在厨房忙碌的时候，你从身后送来的一个吻会让她觉得幸福甜蜜。你们过马路时候，在左边的你紧紧握住她的手，不论是什么年纪，都会让她觉得很安全。

世界上女人很多，美丽的、温柔的、聪明的、可爱的……可无论什么类型的女人，期待幸福的心情都是一样的。所以她们等待着一个男人的出现，等着这个男人对她们好。

其实女人期待的对自己好，是件很简单的事情。

她只希望自己的男人不要因为忙碌而忘记她的生日。想听他在耳边轻声说句“快乐吧，我的宝贝。”这时玫瑰也可以省略。她只希望做家务累的时候，他轻轻抚摩自己的额头说声“宝贝，喝了牛奶再睡吧。”即使对于家务男人一窍不通。她只希望害怕或者孤单的时候，男人在身边搂着她的肩膀坚定的对她说“别怕，有我。”

是的，有的时候，爱意是在不经意间流露的。可能男人你自己没感觉，可是女人却字一句的记在了心底。她们会用更多的爱恋回报你。

尝试着在出门之前吻一下你的女人。常常温存的告诉她，你有多么的爱她。休息的时候抢过她手里要洗的衣物。天气好的时候带她到公园散步。睡觉前给她讲讲公司里，回家路上看到的有趣的事情。偶尔耐心倾听女人讲的事情，即使你对白菜5角或是4角一斤不感兴趣。 在她穿了新裙子的时候，认真的看2分钟，然后诚心夸奖一下她。如果裙子大了，就说你又苗条了，如果裙子小了，就说如果大一点会更漂亮。逛街的时候可以拉着 女人的手或者揽着她的肩膀，因为这样，她会觉得幸福。女人都希望在平凡中被呵护，被爱着。你温存的点点滴滴一定能让她闻到幸福的芳香。其实女人要的幸福很 简单。你要耐心的对你的女人好，不需要如火山火热，也不需要如海浪汹涌，细水长流就足够让她幸福一辈子。

一个黄昏，我接到那个男人的电话。他很兴奋的告诉我，说女孩又回到了他身边。我问他是怎么做的， 他说费了很大力气才约到女孩散步，还专挑路口走。过马路时候站在女孩左边，紧紧握住她的手。我笑了，说你现在明白了吧。男人嘿嘿的说：“明白了，明白了， 她跟我，是需要我疼的。”

是啊，当上帝用亚当的肋骨造了一个夏娃时，就预示着男人该认真照顾身边那个是自己身上肋骨变的女子，好好爱她吧，否则你自己的胸口也是会疼痛的。

跟着你，就是要你疼的！！


既然当初选择了你
就是一心一意为你付出
不管一切
不管自己再怎么辛苦
但是
单方面的付出能持续多久

换句话来说
我们来交换角色
你是否能忍耐？

你可以开口叫我看开点，让你自由
那试问，如果你的付出对我而言是变得里说当然
又一直把我搁在一旁
你可以真的什么都不做让我自由？

时间久了
你忙你的
我不再依赖你
有你和没有你基本上是没有差别的时候
你觉得我自己一个人过会比较好还是照顾一个不怎么理会自己的人好？
那时的你才来挽回吗？

如果你真的明白我在说什么

If only I feel that

Love VS Being Loved

What's the difference between them?
One is to love someone
One is somebody loving you

Guess which category I am?
Love
I used to be in the small portion of being loved
Even that is just a tiny little small portion
I am happy
Even though I tried to change and be satisfied with it
It never enough
As time pass
Things doesn't get better as I wish
It get worst
The small portion had became something else

The reason he gave me is he treated me as family member
So he doesn't have to pay so much attention to pretend or care so much
Honestly, then for girl to treat him as family member
Is it the responsibility to prepare everything and do everything and make him the center of the world?
No
There is no such bullshit
I guess no matter how is the position of the person is
If you really care
You will care eventually

All I felt was loved
NOW?
All I felt about you is YOU YOU YOU YOU
You are hungry, you ate my stuff;
You need to eat, you want me to cook;
You are tired, you want me to stop bugging you and let you sleep;
You need to work out, you want me to let you out;
You need freedom, you want me to give you space;
You need exercise, you want me to tolerate;
You YOu YOU

How about me?
You are hungry, how about me? Aren't I am the same? But I still need to get up and prepare everything
You ate my stuff, how about me? All those biscuits and stuff are prepared for me you finished it, then mine?
You need to eat, how about me? I need to prepare everything when you want to eat, but I can't go out eat myself when I NEED to eat
You are tired, what about me?  Aren't I tired everyday class, work, house chores, activities while you wondering Facebook everyday?

You never thought of me everytime
You used to think of me last time
When I was hungry, no matter where and when it is, you will always find a way to help me settled even listen to my nagging for hours, not ignore me and just let me settle alone
When I was tired, you used to give me a ride immediately from anywhere just to get me home or rest, not ask me to find my way home just because you are not free
When we were having meals together, you will thought that maybe you might want to leave something for me and not finish things up alone
Whenever and whatever you did, you will always thought of me as much as I thought of you
I am not expecting you act just like I do
But at least a little?

男生们你们可以做完78条吗 ? (:
1、把FB 密码告诉她。❤
2、不凶她。x
3、不伤她心。x
4、不欺负她。x
5、不许骗她。❤
6、不可以打她。❤
7、不对她摔东西。❤
8、不许先挂她电话。x
9、不许对她大声说话。x
10、不做对不起她的事。❤
11、不把别人气发在她身上。❤
12、不叫她做不愿意的事。x
13、不许拿她和前女友比较。❤
14、不许嫌她手艺不好（再难吃也要夸好）。❤
15、不给她吃一些对她身体不好的东西。❤
16、不能对任何一个人都比她好。❤
17、冬天允许她把手放到你身体里。❤
18、行街时 , 要拉着她的手 , 不许放。x
19、过马路时一定要把她牵紧。❤
20、陪她逛街时不能说累。x
21、行街时要为她拿东西。❤
22、大节小节都要送礼物给她（不在乎礼物的贵贱）。x
23、无论她什么时候饿 , 都要陪她吃饭。x
24、吵架一定是你先道歉。❤
25、她撒娇的时候你要配合。x
26、她生病时要监督她吃药。❤
27、她打电来时一定要接。x
28、她不舒服时要陪在她身边。x
29、在她失落时 , 你要安慰她。x
30、她哭时 , 你要把她紧紧地抱着。❤
31、她生日时 , 必须第一个时间给她浪漫和惊喜。❤
32、答应她的事不能讨价还价。x
33、可以让她随时翻你手机。❤
34、有事随叫随到。x
35、晚上不要把手机给关了。❤
36、每天要打电话给她。❤
37、上网时 , 第一时间看她在不在。❤
38、她去别的地方时 , 要记得随时打电话给她 , 让她小心。❤
39、她喜欢什么就给买什么。x
40、把她照顾好 , 不让她生病。❤
41、把她的号码放在第一位。❤
42、对她要一心一意。❤
43、收到她短信马上回。❤
44、在你朋友面前给足面子她。❤
45、散步时要走在她的左侧。x
46、无论一起多久都要保持新鲜。x
47、危险的事不能让她做。❤
48、下雨时 , 要为她打伞。❤
49、记得她的爱好。❤
50、有快乐时要和她一起分享。❤
51、有痛苦时要和她一起分担。x
52、要给她介绍你所有的朋友。❤
53、要会逗她笑。❤
54、要说到做到。x
55、要学会做饭给她吃。x
56、要相信她。❤
57、要学会自己检讨。x
58、要给她暖被窝。❤
59、要接受她的过去。❤
60、要给她安全感。x
61、在心里她是你最爱的人。❤
62、她发脾气要哄她开心。x
63、她任性要迁就她。x
64、约会不可以让她等。❤
65、约会等多久也不可以离开。❤
66、陪她玩不可以说没时间 , 地方有她选。x
67、时时刻刻要想着她。x
68、不可以看别的女孩子超过三秒 , 最好不看。❤
69、送她回家要到家门口 , 等她上楼才离开。❤
70、到家要给她说 晚安。x
71、看她做事 , 要帮她做事 , 还要认真做好。x
72、好吃的东西要给她吃。x
73、早上要叫她起床。❤
74、要买早餐给她吃。❤
75、她要没起床 , 要帮她刷牙洗脸。❤
76、她要不想起床 , 要喂她吃早餐。❤
77、在生命里要把她放在第一位，x
78、要让她做最幸福的女人❤

I am not asking you to do all these things
It won't last long
But
At least At least care about me?

You said that you love me and care about me
But honestly, I don't feel that
You said that you put me at the first place
Honestly, I don't think so
Your actions and what you said are different
You said that what I asked is for you to 24 standby for me
I am not asking that
I am just asking whatever you do, maybe you might want to think about me?
You might said that, it will be tiring if everything regarding us have to think twice
Well,
I always think of waiting you for meals no matter what you did before
I always think of leaving the best part of the meals for you even you didn't ask
I always think of helping you cleaning and tidying stuff even you didn't care
I always think of helping you get something when I was buying stuff
I always think of preparing meals that you preferred the most
I always think of you
Everything I did mostly is YOU
And I lived with it for almost 3 years
And you have been living in this wonderful and lovely life for 3 years and expecting it to continue

Honestly,
A relationship is need two ways
It's not single
I am so damn fucking tired

I am not asking you treating me like a princess or what
At least what we did is balance
Only that it will last long
Did you get it?

What I mentioned to you about I no longer rely on you
Is not about what
Is true where whenever things happen, you never there
You never thought of my position and thoughts
I said that I as if that I didn't have a boyfriend
But you mention that you also didn't feel like you have a girlfriend
Reason is just because I don't want to hanging around with your friends
That is it
Again, is about YOU again
Cause I didn't able to be out with your friends and you don't have the "face"
Seriously, What are you expecting me to think?

I am seriously unable to draw your attention to me
It's always
1. Family
2. Gym / Football
3. Money
4. ME
And what your answer given to me?
It's because of my fucking appearance
Well, honestly, I looked much fucking ugly when you know me
Then why me?
You said that is your nature that you will care about appearance a little bit as it's your horoscope etc
What you want me to say?

Love and being loved
Have you ever thought that I really can't stand it anymore?
Did you really think that you going to ignore the problem?
Did you even thought of me? What I thought? What I want? What I wish?
I love you
I know I do
DO YOU?

As I asked you before, what sacrifices you have made for me
Your answer is "Silence"

You really made me feel like I am a person that better than a maid
Which at least you show respect and care
But I am not your mother
I don't want to do everything for you anymore
You bought a thermal rice bowl
Claim that you will cook for your Tuesday class
Honestly, you are waiting me to cook for you and help you save the money and trouble
Did you have a slightly, just a slight thought that
I am a student like you?!
Worst, my subject and burden is heavier than you
You expect me to do all those stuff
You said that you are tired and busy
What about me?
Have to think of that?

Everytime I mention it
You will just settled on the spot and thinks that it is done
Just like today
I wasn't tear for nothing
It's not solely because you forget to cook rice
It's about that you know that I will be home and prepare lunch
You never thought that maybe you might have to cook rice before I am back
But you claimed that next time you will cook it anytime
It's not the fucking problem!
It's about you never thought about me
You never stand on my position to think
All you thought of is
You want to eat at home, even sometimes I am busy
You want to get a free, happy, wonderful life
It won't last long
You expect me to help you change mattress, wash it, and keep it for you
I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID!!
At least maid get paid !

You really never thought of me
You are just lazy to think about it
I am really tired

You always asked me is it so hard and tired and suffer to be with you
Yes, because you never consider me and you always think of you
All I ask is for you love treat me like a normal girl not a wife
Even I had married to you
I will divorce soon enough

This is not the life I chosen
I didn't plan to continue this kind of life in the future
To you, it is a bright and happy future
Not to me
I want somebody that care about me, love me, considerable
Can you?
You think of your own

A deal is a deal
But the time will pass
I am done trying
I am done with all those talking
Whether you get it or not
Whether you like it or not
There won't be second time
Think about it

Swimming

After so many years of training
I guess it become useless without any practices
I used to swim a standard size swimming pool 10 rounds one shot

Today, 2 rounds of "width" swimming nearly killed me
I really lack of staminal
But guess what?
I almost drown
It was so many people
And you know, KIDS is the dangerous creature in the swimming pool
They didn't really notice people around them
They kept knocked me
I swallowed a lot of water and its was really really crazy
All I know is take a deep breath and swim to a place where I can stand on
I tried to hold on the cough and swim
Until I reached the shallow place
Seriously, it is damn crazy man!

I slept around 10 something
woke up around 4am
Still feeling tired
God

Better

It's better for a person to care less than care too much
I think if you care a person too much
It will hurt at the end

I tried
I think I really am on the process back to what I used to be
Tough Girl

I want to care less about anything
It's just too burden to care about everything
Worry about everyting
Trying to balance everything
I know it is impossible
But I always think that "I should at least try"

I think I am done trying
I am really tired

No matter what I did
It always wrong

No matter what I do
It never satisfied anyone
Parents, sister, even my own boyfriend

I know I am not perfect
But I tried
I am not a pretty girl like princess
I am doesn't have slim body shape like model
I am not as good as other girls with all those make ups and modern
I am not as out-going as my sister where she is a girlfriend that can be brought out to friends
I am not a good tempered person like a gentle girlfriend or wife
I am not
But I've tried didn't I?

But it never enough 
People always felt that I am annoying
I am dull and bored
I am not good enough

I mean how good is good to you?

Being a good daughter wasn't good enough for you
You guys love more of the naughty, self-fish and smarter daugther

Being a wonderful girlfriend wasn't good enough for you either
Cause I am not pretty enough, I didn't dye my hair or dressed modernly and have a super bad tempered plus an-un-able-to-bring-out girlfriend

It's never enough after what I've done
Bad things are always the main focus

I mean, how many people actually cares about what I am thinking of?

What I want is your approval
Stop thinking that I am just a weak IQ and numb daughter

What I want is your love, your attention
Not that what you expect is appearance girlfriend
Guess, you never thought that it hurts so much that I nearly burst to tears on the spot

I insists not to change myself before having a boyfriend
Cause I don't want to find a person that care only appearance
Cause one day I will no longer young and pretty
And I am not going to be one of the factor that my life partner will leave me
I thought you are different
But I guess like other guys, appearance does matter
Inner pretty is never enough

It's never enough of what I have contribute
It's never enough
So why would I care so much?
Might as well have a break on it
Since no matter how hard I tried
I am not good enough
Why should I tried?

Better to be and do things that for myself
Cause you won't hurt yourself
It is always the safest place
Nobody will hurt you if you keep things to yourself
Nobody will able to hurt you if you are self-centered
Cause you won't be care about anything

It's at least better
Life will be easier this way

Hold on

Hold on, little girl
Things will be fine
Be optimistic

Stupid

It's stupid to cry over for a person that don't care in the middle of the night
But
I just can't help it

Worst

Guess my mood getting worst
This time, Juin How not asking me out like last night

It just happen that both of us like connected
When I was thinking whether to ask him out
He called, claiming that he was not in good mood either
We both at the end end up at bar

He looks alike like HIM
He talked a lot of thing
I guess it was the thing that HE want to tell me
I am so sorry that I can't accept or do what you wish me to do
I am so sorry

He asked me to think something
But
I didn't give him any answer

Bad Mood NOW

Stop asking me to be tolerate!

Well, honestly, I tolerate enough
So, Don't you ever ever ever ever ask me to tolerate with that bitch!

I tolerate enough
More than enough
I live with a person that I won't even will forgive
I won't forgive her
I won't want to see her if possible

You have the right to say that you hate that person
But you asked me to forgive her?!

Forgiveness and trust need to be earned have you ever heard before?!
That fucking bitch didn't even try to be a better person
But destroying
And you asking me to forgive her?!
After what she had done?!

If she able to give back my 2 horrible years back, I will!
If she able to take away all those bad memories away, I will!
But she can't!
But she just turned worst
SO FUCK OFF!!

I don't care about her
Cause I don't fucking care about her
I don't want to bother a person that do not know how to think for others
A person that don't know to care about others
A person that don't know how to think for others
A person that is worst than selfish
DO NOT DESERVE ANY FORGIVENESS FROM ME!

I tolerate enough
I stand her more than enough
I didn't sign up for this
She is not my mother
So, Fuck off
She is not my duties cause she never play her duties
She never care about anybody but herself and money
So this kind of person not deserve any pitiness and forgivenss

One more time
Really, one more time
I won't care anything
I won't be tolerate anymore!

Scorpio

OMG!
I looked through the calender today
I just realized that Boon Shiun is Scorpio!!!
His birthday is 23/10 first day of Scorpio
Wow!
Is that me are so attracted with Scorpio or what?!

All these years,
I kept on meeting Scorpio around me
Yes, they know me like they are born to be
But, is it coincidence or what?!
It's really kinda creepy

Form 3
Form 4
Form 5
Foundation
NOW
All Scorpio!!!
Even my best friends are all Scorpio including Michelle and Juin How!
WoW!

It really surprise me

Speaking about Boon Shiun
How is he?
I guess, just like others
He hates me
We had something
Timing problem
But we never contact each other anymore
Sometime I did find him one year ago
But obviously he doesn't want to talk to me
I can't blame him didn't I?
I did hurt him badly
I didn't even give him a chance
But guess I can't turn back the clock

I still remember his birthday
And my birthday
And my wishes
What he did for me
I let him down

I don't know how many times I am going to let people down
Am I an evil?!
Or am I born to be devil?
I am so sorry

Guess his birthday is coming soon
But I think he won't want my wishes
But I still hoping him all the best and take care
Please forgive me