I am so pissed

You fucking ass hole
You really really really really Fucked up!
You this useless son of bitch!!!!

Don't let me see you again!
You moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27/05 Rough and Lonely Day

How the day started today?
Well, it started well today
Tired yet peaceful at least
And suppose it ends up with shopping shopping and shopping
Either for business purpose or personal reasons

Well, I went to Cowboy to buy mineral water and soft drinks for sales
But there are a lot of thing there
S I took around 1 hour to walk and see the price
Even though I know that the water bought is not enough but I respect his decision
So I didn't say anything

Then I went back for lunch
It's a pork plus chicken leg actually
One of my favorite
Then I don't know why or how
My schedule seems to be very pack

I went to IT lab which I dont know why I going there
And I end up boring there
Sleeping without jackets in the super cold airconditioner room
Waiting and waiting
And until now I not sure what am I waiting that time

Then something happen
Argument between him and Ryan
Well, I had been taken advantage
I know
In fact I had foreseen it last week
Well' honestly, don't treat me like a fool
I know what you Plan to do the momment you open your mouth
So take your ad advantage and keep your mouth shut

Then again I went to the shops in town to survey the price and stock in some more
With my own capital
Duh, I am broke again
Please please make the business good tomorrow

After dinner
It was totally tiring and boring
Won't to IT lab again but got stuck outside cause no key
Again
Waiting
Then when inside the lab
I was downloading
And doing paperworks and calculation
Wow, it is pretty much tiring
Then bunch of things start to overwhelm me
Project presentation
Budget
Paperwoks and documents
Stocks
Money and stuff

After that I have to keep up with the prom night things
Wich I hated the most cause nobody cares!!!

Then I looked up my financial statement and realize how much I actually lack of
I am totally frustrated
I mean how am I suppose to find the money to fill in?
I am so lost
But I am really trying very hard
I really wish some day I can get a lottery and everything is settle

It is very tiring doing thighs a lone
Yes, somebody did help
But it is very pressure cause he turns out to be another person to be careful on
I mean why can't People be simple and be friends
Why do they need benefits from others?
Why do I need to protect myself anytime?
Are they any true friends around?

Speaking of a true friend
Sometime true friend turns out to be horriblily not reasonable
I am so tired
Really

I mean I did everything I can
I did all the house works yet mother still scolding
I tried to be a smart and intelligent girl yet daddy never satisfied and still care more for my own sister
I did nothing yet still get criticize from his friends cause of my sister say bad things about me
I did mostly everything for the team yet somebody still feels that I am not good enough
I did the dishes, clean the house, prepare events yet he still do what he did all the time
I mean what I did never satisfied anybody
What I did always came into people's mind that I am not good
Including a true friends that I thought he is understanding
Everyone want something from me and I never got what I want

After all the helps and works
All I want is somebody to appreciate me
Or at least care about me
Not letting me alone
At least they know I did mostly for them and PLEASE don't leave me alone
Especially in the dark

Yet, nobody does
He sleeps cause he feels tired
Yet, did he thought that I might be tired as well?
Maybe more?

I just need somebody to care me and talks to me or pats me to sleep
Yet
Again, another night with horrible tiredness, sadness and loneliness

Why God treat this to me?
I don't get it
I did bad things yet I tried to be good
Why I have to go through all those bad stuff?
I don't get it

And yet I can't cry cause somebody will thought that I am having not-understanding moment
But guess since nobody is here
I can't control the tears
It drops like the blood flows from the lonely heart
Nobody will know
Nobody will see
Yet not many people will care

This is me
A lonely girl who tries to make everyone happy yet she failed

Tired Cleaning House

Wow, new housemates
Hopefully we can get along
But it is very tiring to clean the house

Worst

My mood never been so worst before in this holiday
Today is the worst day ever!

Money

Not that everytime I want to quarrel with you over money
Honestly
You always count extra
I mean sometime you calculate extra
And everytime you need me to tell you "shouldn't it share between us?"
Well, I don't know what's wrong with you
Maybe you think that I should pay it
But it obviously use or eat together

And you know my situation
I can't add more debt anymore
And yes, I have no concept of money
I forget how much you owe me and how much I owe you
And everytime you always said you paid me back already and I totally have no idea
Jezz
The problem is if you paid me, I will remember when and where
Whatever

It's not that I want to get mad everytime
You didn't get what I mean at all
I said clear the debt on the spot
Don't want to add on others
Cause I really have no clue how much I owe you
And you just don't get it
Then I assume I still have the money and spend it
After you collect everything and ask me like 100 something like that
Where on the earth I going to give you?

Explain to you so many times
And you just don't get it

I wish right now I just take out my public bank money and clear all the money I owe you
Save all the argument
Here, it is obvious money issue won't going to work out between you and me'

Juin How

Well, thanks for dropping by
Really
I don't know why, you always know how to ease me and make me happy
almost 9-years friend!
I am so glad I have you

Even though you have your ways to talk with me
And sometime it is very STRAIGHT
But it is nice
Cause that's how we get use with each other

Friendly speaking, I was shocked when I received your call
Well, cause you said that you need to go watch movie with your girlfriend
Then I received your call that you want come to my house to meet me
Really, it was really out of my expectation

It was really a nice talk between us
It's not like a phone chat that we used to have
It is face to face talk
Well, you advice me and I "shoot" you
We talked about our friends lately situation
We talked about our old stories
Well, it's really nothing anymore
I don't mind what you did especially you didn't even have the memory about it
It's over
Yes, I have a crush on you before
But I guess you never think of me
Like you said, I am not pretty and lady
And you just treat me like brother for all these years

This attitude between both of us had make us both a good friend for 9 years
Thank you for being my friend

Busy Day

Today I woke up very late
I was shocked when I realized it already 9.30am
I have to rush to school !!
Yes, mum called 3 times to urge me to school
But I think she knew I woke up late today

After woke up, bath, brush teeth and so on
I rushed to school
Kinda a lot of nearly accident
But don't care
I able to reach there and pick up things that mum want me to
Then I rushed back to prepare the meat and stuff
Spend me like half an hour
Then I went to get clothes to dry
But the weather is not that good
Then I have to prepare lunch for my dad
Jezzzz I am very busy
I didn't even eat my breakfast!
Sad!
I am so hungry now

What I am going to do this afternoon
1. clean fish and stuff
2. get packed
3. do booklet
4. iron clothes
5. wash my clothes

Guess it will be a very busy day!
DUh~

[Flashback] MMU Charity Prom Night

MMU Charity Prom Night 2012

Date: 7th April 2012

Venue: Hatten Grand Ballroom

Theme: Hollywood

This is the first prom I ever attend

It should be fun

But the preparation is really really irritating

I really hope things can be better

This is my first self-taken photo with mirror that I willing to show

Cause this is really only one photo that look nice

I am really suck in taking my own photo

I really hope somebody can help me take

Or at least teach me how to take a good photo

I really wish I can take every nice clothing and looks of myself

How do I look? Guess what?

I have abit regret for not enjoying that night.

Really, I mean how many chance do I have to make up like that? I really should ease myself up and enjoy sometime

Here's a bunch of great friends I made in this prom

They are nice and I think for some reason we are connected

I love them a lot

And wish we can continue as friends forever!

Yes, her name is Xiao Ying

A great and cute girl

She is very kind and lovely

As you know, she is just very popular and adorable where guys love her a lot

I not sure whether we will be best friends, but she is nice

And I treat her as true friend

Hope she feel the same

Cause sometime she knows how to ease me and understand people

This is my junior housemate

Guess what? She is VERY tall

Yet, cute and innocent

She just like baby girl, cute and funny

4 years in MMU and I spend with her in the same house

That's some memories between us!

This girl name Hadrien

She is really thin and pretty

I guess not many people can wear this dress

And she looks very nice that night

She is cute and caring

Never thought that she is so lovely and lady

Guess I really hope to have her a one of my best friends

This girl is Marilyn, one of Dynamix dancer

Again, I am lucky to know another lovely and sweet girl

She is humble and pretty and nice

Of course she is certainly a very good dancer!

Lovely and pretty isn't she?

This guy name Arthur Hew

He is the president of Photography Club

Yes, he really helped me much for this Prom Night

I really wish that he has the same enthusiasm to run his club

Where he loves it so much and didn't even want to let go

*No comment*

But I love this picture a lot!

Did we look like married?

A lot of people told me we are

It is like our wedding

But whatever it is, I kinda like this picture

Damn!! This background is really really nice!

Thanks to Justin photographer!

But the people - Me not nice

It is really wasted!

One of the main event of this Prom Night

Singer! Even though they are not that popular

But they are not bad

Kinda cool to be so close with celebrity

I am "Girls in White"!

See how special I am?

I am the only white among the black!

And I did actually look like either princess or a beauty candidate

*Sweat*

Like it or not

This is the group photo

Endure it or Enjoy it

*Say Cheese!*

I am NOT a Miss Popular, SO WHAT?!

Really, So what?
I can't satisfied everyone

I miss my friends
Especially my secondary friends
It's like so many years I see them
Always no chance

I miss them
Cause in front of them
I can be myself
Just like some of the friends here in MMU
I don't have to pretend or care what you guys think of me

No stress
No pretending
Just me

I don't want attention or be any popular person
I just want true friends
That's all

Not A Good Day

It is really not a good day
Really really unhappy day

Happy Birthday Amy

Guess this is your 22nd birthday
I don't know why
This year is totally not a good mood for me to celebrate with you

Guess you never know what you had done
You always said things like it is correct
Just like daddy

You said that you take care about everyone
Well, you DON'T
You care only YOURSELF
Most people that loved you know that
Everyone leave you cause everybody can't stand it
And I don't have the choice cause you are my sister
The only sister that I never had chance to let you go
Cause you are just too fragile
Seems like you never know how to take care yourself

Yet, You made Jack and me very unhappy today
Guess I warn you about don't mess around with the Kluang Gang
I warn you that they will like you and might have fight between them
Did you ever listen?

Yet, you started a game that you used to among them
They all adores you
And a lot of them want to woo you
Even that moment you already got boyfriend
Then, later you with JiaHao
You still don't want to admit and let others know
Still let people continue woo you
IT's your game
I know
I never say that you can't have fun on it
But I told you it will affect Jack
And see what you had done to him

Then, you hurt so many guys
I know that you are a mess
But after what happened to Er Dong
Yes, I know you ARE a mess
After YanHao left you
You are just an empty shelf

You can just start with another guy when you still with Er Dong
Then once you break and with that guy
And that guy give you a big gift
Not that I not agree or don't like
But at least Slow things down
Yes, you might don't like the way Er Dong treat you
But at least make things clean enough
Really

You know I always there for you
You want to talk you can find me
The only thing is you never want to talk
And I can't urge you to
Cause you will stay away from me just like you did to our parents
People might pitied you or feel that you are right
But right or wrong
You don't care
All you care is you didn't lost anything
That's your principle since you are small
Even to me
Our own sister

This year I have no present for you
Cause you really hurt me a lot
Especially when I with Jack and Wee Pang
You scold me like hell while you yourself also the same
No, YOu are worst than me cause you have two boyfriend at the same time when you with JiaHao
Yet, you said me while I only have Jack as my boyfriend that moment
I just want to break up with him
THe worst thing is what came from your mouth
“我是一脚踏两船，但是，我不像你，我的不会见面，而你的天天都见面.."
Really
This is where I know how you think

By the way
Happy Birthday

23th May 2012

整體運 解析
今天很積極地做事，為他人付出，但收獲甚微，會讓你想不通。付出不一定有回報，拋開得失心會讓你釋懷。內心苦悶不妨多與另一半交流，對方很樂意為你分擔，會讓你感到溫暖。

愛情運 解析
用心感受伴侶的愛意，讓你體會到對方的辛苦，也更願意為對方做些事，以表示感激。

事業運(學業) 解析
事業運略差，有受制於人的不滿心態，要注意偏激思想會耽誤正事喔，也要注意禍從口出。

財運 解析
多與人群接觸，自然能夠吸收資訊。

Totally No Idea

Don't know why I can be so irritated by them
I really don't get it
I mean I never look down on them or what
Why they doing this?

I mean my sister said that I ignore them
Did I?
Well, I really didn't
It just me like to stick with Jack whenever he with me
That's all
Even I with my friends gathering, it is the same
I just wonder why they just want to think bad about me?

Well, you guys mention that I am a person that did not like crowd or mix with people
Actually I just not really know you guys
But I tried
Just that I don't know how to start a common topic

When Jack's birthday celebration
You guys mention that I look "dark" all the time like I don't like you guys
Come On!
I was busy events that whole day
And I rush back to the dinner place as soon as possible
And I did eat a little bit there
I felt tired
So, is it my fault again?

I just don't get it
Nobody look down on you and I didn't even have any opinion on you guys
Until
Really until you guys have opinion on me

You guys start to compare me with my sister
Listen everything my sister said
Well, I can't deny that she is better than me in everyway
But she is she
IF you want me to be friends with you
I want you to know who I really am NOT the fake me
I don't like to fake myself just to be friend with someone
I tried my best to close with you guys
But I just don't know how
It just seems like I already used with Jack when he is around with me
All my focus will be on him
That's all

And then the case of me and another guy
Well, it is our problem
ME and Jack have our own mistakes
We made things wrong
Yes, It seems like my fault
But this is clearly our problems
If you really don't like it
Say it out
Don't make Jack unhappy
I can take it
What's more, things already settled
I had made my choice
SO, nothing else

Then, what you guys still not satisfied me?
You want to say how good my sister am and how bad I am
Whatever cause we both have our good and bad
And I am not going to list it out
Cause obviously you guys already put a sign on my forehead
So, it still depends on you guys

But still, I have no idea what I did that make you guys so irritates about me
AND if I does
Find me and deal with me
Leave Jack alone
If there is problem between you and me
I hope we can deal things out

He just want to celebrate alone with you guys
Not because he don't want me to go
Is he don't want my sister to go
That's all
Cause when my sister is there, nobody will bother him instead of my sister
Ask yourself is that true?
So, why blame him that he don't want to bring me out?
Really have no idea what you guys thinking
He has totally no intention
Me either
Both of us never have any intention to piss you guys off
But why is it so hard to let you understand
And get misunderstanding again and again
Really No Idea

因为你

因为你，我每天很晚入睡 只为等你，和你说说话
因为你，我会时不时拿手机 看有没有你的未接来电 有没有你的短信
因为你，我会莫名的生气 莫名的无理取闹
因为你，我变得很纠结 变得不知如何是好。
你的一句话可以改变我一天的心情，
你的一条短信可以左右我一天的情绪…
一切都只是因为你。

PC Fair

I just realize that I need to buy some computer stuff
1. External hardisk
2. Antivirus

I want to go shopping around
But I missed the Melaka PC Fair

Here's the schedule


Wish to go
HOpefully can make it!

To-do List

I guess I don't dare to make the list
Cause there is TOO much things to do
Kinda frustrated now
DUH~!

Sob

I can't find the right font
Is it my mood or just not right?

My sister

Know what my sister did?
I still remember when she birthday
No matter how poor I am
No matter how much I lack of money
I still bought her birthday present and celebrate with her

Still remember when I was
Foundation, I bought her a night dress cost me RM80
I loved that dress very much
And I still remember it makes me can't go out eat for whole month
When I asked you for something when I was birthday
What you gave me?
A limited edition "girl monthly protection"
I nearly go crazy cause you not even didn't wish me and give me on that day

When she was 21st birthday, I almost spent RM400 for you
Your all expenses when you are here in Malacca and Kluang all by me
Really
Then when I birthday and I asked you to celebrate with me
Honestly, did you know how it upset me?
Not only that, you asked your boyfriend to give me present on your behalf?

Then your birthday is coming, you asked for mine
Just like my mum said don't give her any present to prevent argument
When I just tease her that she never give me any present
Guess what she said to me?
She said that the free gift of RM170 lotion that she want to give me as 3 years present

Nearly shocked me to death
This is my sister
Really

Always mention that how good she is
Instead she never even spent a penny on me
Or care for me even she tells everyone she is

Sick

Not feeling well
Jezzz

Guess you are pampered

Jezz, you are my older sister
Yes, I didn't spell wrong
It is OLDER not younger
Why am I have to clean all the mess you done?
Why am I have to help you do everything?
Why am I have to pamper you as well?

F***
You like people to love you and pamper you
But did you respect people?
You mention yourself like you are smart (Yes, you are smart)
But are you really that smart or you just act like you do?

People thought that you are the lady god
Good for you
Cause you are a perfect lier
Guess what?
You are much horrible than they thing you are

Sometime, you are my sister so that I can say anything
Cause I didn't choose you as my sister
This is faith
I love you
But sometime YOu are much irritating
And sometime others are much more closer and treat me better than my own sister
I guess, you don't mind cause you never bother anyone beside yourself
You mention everytime that you are the best that you care about me
Well, you didn't care about anybody
All you care is yourself
I guess you make it perfectly clear

Sometime
I wish I can hate you
Really

Emo

有时候当我说“我很好”的时候，其实我希望有个人能看穿我的眼睛紧紧地抱着我说：“我知道你并不好”

Hypocrite

You are really a hypocrite
Honestly, I not sure why am I still care about it
Told myself not to anymore
Still..

Whatever it is
That's your true colour huh?
You lied did you realize that?
If what I said is true then just admit it, why deny?

Guess I knew the answer from the beginning
I just don't know why I even bother whether it is true or not

You are just a person that I thought you are
Just wonder why did you lied?
So that you get my attention?
Well, not anymore Mr. Hypocrite

Emo

Special Emo-ing =[

Finally It is over!

Finally!
It took me almost half day to settle everything
Last night was mad with the f***ing A** H*** people
Really thought of him makes me really really mad

But today, justice get his own way
It is true you know?
That if you let people way to live, you will find your own way to go out
That's what I told him and myself
I assume that I want to buy peace in my life and I tried to stand your side for the last time
If you dare to runaway again
I will 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 (infinity) % guarantee you can't work and you can't graduate
That's my word

Don't try to mess with me
I am must smarter than you and also your "behind coordinator" who teach you how to do things
I don't even consult anybody YET
Not even my dad
If I told my dad, I think within single second you are DEATH

So, stand aside, don't do anymore "small action"
Better don't be!!
Else, you really going to get yourself in a huge debt!!!