Thursday, March 29, 2012

现在的心情

糟到快爆了
想哭去哭不出来
都不懂自己干吗geng在那里假装自己没事

无言 ~

好像出去走走
但是又怕预言变真的

困在这里
迟早闹出人命来

唉~~无奈~~

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

One of my Terrible Day

Well, I woke up and rushing for my tutorial homework around 9am
As I slept around 2am the night before
I just feeling like I am "flying" all around

After class, I went out to buy things and deal things with the vendors
Only that I realize I missed my booth duty
Argh
It's really really.. Haizzz.. don't know how to say
There are a slightly moment where I just want to just quit everything
Really

I don't like people to cover me
I want to help
But I can't
The more I help the more mistakes I made
Damn it ~!

Doing things for whole day
Then tuition
Then meeting

Get into the rain in the between
Get frozen in the meeting room
Then freeze by the strong wind during supper time
Then bathing half way no water
Waiting for the water to come is really torturing and cold

Today is really not my day
I think I really torture myself today
Tomorrow is presentation
I hope I can cope with it

Good luck
Wish for the best luck

Monday, March 26, 2012

I am NOT a super woman

There are something happening in Prom Night event
Seriously, I didn't know what's wrong
But I really don't like it

What the hell
Who she think she is?
You just a girlfriend of the director
Don't think that you are so good

Really
Joseph told me about your story
So
Don't try to show off that you are good
Come one, you are not even reach my fingertips

Now everyone consider me as a bad guy
you have your wish
But I know I didn't do anything wrong

You can just ignore me just like what I am ignoring you
It is your lost
If you didn't trust me so be it

I use my sincerely and commitment to do this event
Like it or not
I am here
Not trying to fight with you
But just trying to save the event

Really, sometime I just wish that I can just say "Son of bitch, shut your mouth up!"
But I consider you as a friend
Not sure whether you are treating me one
But sometime it is really hard to be patient with you





Regarding tennis club
Honestly, after what I discuss with Yao Yi
I not sure whether should I stay there anymore

I am not close with the committees
I don't like playing tennis anymore
It makes me think of something that I wasn't want to think off
I have somebody that hates me in the club

I don't really want to go back there
I am not fit in without him

Honestly I don't know what's the purpose for me staying there
Looking and seeing somebody that hates me so much
Or worst somebody that you trying to forget and let go
Is not really a good idea

Honestly, I not sure what am I doing now
I am clearly not worth for anybody to fight for

Just like what others said
I am not good enough
I am just a rubbish where people think I am a diamond

What happen today
Honestly I forget
But I don't know why
People sound like it's my fault for not getting a partition and a table
I did booked that day after meeting
I didn't even delayed
FMD didn't have any tables and partitions
Not my fault!
I didn't own MMU
Why everyone like accusing me?

Maybe I shouldn't trying to be tough and promise them I will try to find one for them with other clubs
Sometime trying too hard just make myself in tough situation
Tennis club and prom night is just the same
People expecting you

But when you did one wrong
They blame you like you are just a useless person

I am just a stupid girl


I wonder why I am so down lately
I become really sensitive to what people said and what people do
Is it stress?


I am really not a super woman
I didn't plan for my life
I didn't choose what I been to
But really, I am kinda unhappy lately
I can't talk to anyone
share with anybody
Kinda sad isn't it?
Or should I say I am so stupid?

I exclude him from my favourite list
I keep my promise
I know he don't wish to see me or near close to me
Nor do I
I am not ready

I am not quite sure why I am not ready
Maybe I don't like making myself digging the big hole in the chest
I don't like to feel the pain
I don't even like to flash back

Whatever it is
I wish I can go home
With somebody loving me taking care of me

I miss them so much
I cried sometime in the middle of the night
Flashing back on how they taking care of me when I was sick or when I was exam

I am not a superwoman
I am just a girl that trying hard to prove that she is good
I just trying not to let people look down on me
I want to prove that I am worthwhile
I am a better person

At the end, I am not
I failed
I am really not a superwoman

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

promises

I made my promise
And I have to keep it

Suddenly feel that it is really hard
Still..

I promise you and I will do it
Can you?
Or you already forget?

Still Not Recovering

Maybe I should just end up sleeping 24 hours
Damn~
Head still spinning
I can't take medicine
And I don't want go to hospital

Damn~
Pray hard to recover

Tired Like Hell

Seriously, I am tired like hell
Events and homework
Really can pengsan

Yesterday AGM really frustrated me to the Max!
Damn~
Really frustrated and mad until I can feel the difficulty of breathing
At the end I say nothing and ignore things that not under my control

Sudden fever last night
Can't sleep at all
Don't know why
Is it because of the stress and stuff or just because I am hell not feeling well
I cried
I just wish that I am home and my parents will just fetch me to see my doctor
But there is nothing I can do here in Malacca
Even though I know crying is not helping
Yet, I am just like a baby
Immature

Yet, there is nobody for me to find
At the end, I called Justin
I am damn sorry
Well, I am not really expecting this
Damn~
I think I did something wrong

He was at KL Movida that time
After the call, he rush back to Melacca within 1 hour
Damn~
Well, I didn't ask him to
And I told him NOT TO
But still 3am he reached my house but that time I think I fall asleep already

I am so sorry for letting you drive 140km/h after you drink
I am so sorry
I didn't really mean to

I just can say I am glad to have a brother that cares about me
But
I don't want another best friend that cannot be friend anymore
I lost 2 I don't want to lost another one

This time
I am going to protect my friendship
Not letting it turning to another sad story