Afraid

Prom Night tickets only sold for 20 tables
Still have 50 tables to go
Can I sell finish?
What should I do if I can't?

People keep on ignore me
I hate that
I want to help
But they keep thinking that I am useless
Is that I am so useless?

I really hate when people think that my effort is rubbish
I did what the best I can
I even contribute my health, my time, my energy, almost everything

Scare of losing faith and trust from people
Scare of another failure event


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JPA just banked in my elaun
Hopefully I can use the money well
Hope that it won't like last time

I still remember I keep on eat and buy stuff when I was unhappy
This time no matter how much I am so unhappy
I will not going to spend any penny
"Not anymore, to spend a penny on something like that," I warned myself

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Exam is coming
I didn't really nervous yet
Maybe cause I have too many thing to do
But I started to worry

Everytime I go to class
I lost my focus

Either I am tired
Or something else that affects me
Then it will drag my emotion for the rest of the day

Really hate this feeling
Hate the feeling to be such stupid for something that is not worth

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Prom Night is coming
How am I suppose to look like
With dress and make up stuff

Argh~~
Really~
Come on, I can't ease myself

I can't imagine
Especially when I am so stress lately

Am I going to be another clown that night?
Will people going to laugh at me just like Justin did?
Saying me that I am so NOT attractive and fat and so on

Well, maybe he didn't notice
I nearly cried everytime he said that
haha~
I guess I just like small kid
I still remember I cried everytime whenever people laugh at me cause I am fat
But dad scold me that I am idiot cause people's laugh won't hurt me
And I should be mature and cannot cry that easily

That's was the last time I cried in front of my parents
Besides got cane by them
That's the reason why I always cry by myself
That's the reason why I like to pretend I am fine in front of people

Even I can feel the sharp pain when he tease me
Well, I know he might just kidding
But I guess the jokes pretty sharp to me
You know what's funny?
I still can laugh and pretend nothing happen
I really can be an actress

Honestly, I know I am fatter than last time
Did I really so hidious?
He said that people like me, not to mention guys, even girl will not even interested

Guess I am really scare I will be another joke on the prom night itself

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Can I actually rule the event?
I am going to be the main instructor that night
Can I actually make it works?
Can I cope with it?

I am worry and scare
People had lost faith on me
Can I finished the event like I dreamt?

I don't know
But I don't have the faith to myself either

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I just been a stupid girl
I guess I am more towards silly girl

I should have suspected that today wasn't my day
Cause I knocked my leg on the door when I walked out the house
Tripped over when I cross the road

But really never thought it so accurate
My six-sense is sooo accurate

Nevermind
Whatever he said or he think or he do
Won't hurt me anymore
I promise myself
Never ever let anybody hurt me anymore

No matter how much I afraid
I will cope with it
Cause I know I can get over when I smile
I still have the smile
It still with me
Means I am save

I always love my smile no matter how scare I am
It's the only shield that can protect me
haha


No matter how afraid I am
Afraid of failure
Afraid of hurting
Afraid of losing

I will get my smile and up again ^^