Envy

I guess I am really envy when I saw it
I mean I am not envy cause he said that to her
Well, she is his girlfriend
It is nothing to envy of
Well, I am envy of her cause she got such boyfriend
So don't misunderstand me

He wished her Happy Anniversary
Honestly, it's really romantic and sweet
Not that I am unhappy
I am happy to them
Just that, I guess, I never been treated like that before
Well, you know....

The way he looked at her
The way he treated her
The way he protected her
I guess I am really really envy of her
She is lucky

Sometime I told myself that I am contented
But I really can't help myself

He told me about 18++ stuff
Honestly, it's not about my problem
Well, maybe partly is mine
But, it's just different for him and HIM

He never understand what I meant for the whole conversation
I mean, he understand
Just that he don't get the real reason of it

He knew the truth of all the lies
I guess he trying to make me feel better and awake of the facts
But I guess I am just too stubborn
I prefer what I am doing right now

I didn't write blogs or journals like for quiet some times
Cause I don't want people to bug me like
"What happen?", "What again?", "Now what?"

I feel save to be alone
I feel save to keep everything inside
At least I don't have to explain everything to anyone
I don't have to be response to anyone

Crying for 2 days is not nothing
It's something
Just, I really don't want to talk about it
Guess, my logic thinking is too strong
Cause I really like my world
I prefer my own dream world

Yes, I am envy
But I am contented
I mean, I can't wish more am I?
Then I will be a greedy person
Plus, it is too much for asking it
It's just a two different person

What can I ask more since I myself is a burden?
Well, nothing

Content is the word to ease my enviousness