it hurts

it hurts when you said that.. it hurts my feelings and it hurts my heart..

you said before that as long as we both doesn't hurt each other, that mean we can just stay together and we don't have to think more than that.. but.. i end up hurting you deeply and what you missed is you actually hurting mine too but you never notice that.. From the moment you mention that you compared me with her.. From the moment that you mention that you never know what a girl really think by snatching whatever thing they saw... From the moment you mention that I am realistic.. From the moment you start "I didn't change, i just change my attitude towards you".. it hurts me..

i know from that moment that i have to make decision between you and him and one of you will going to stay away from me no matter how.. i know but i don't want this to happen.. no.. i don't and i try my best to make it better, to make you better... but you never appreciate.. i don't know why everybody think that i am so stupid for letting myself so unhappy just to please you.. but at that moment, i don't care.. i just want you back as a friend.. he and me doesn't quarrel or argue over you because he knows without you, i won't survive at that particular period.. because of you, i survive and he didn't say anything about it.. but all bother him is why am i so unhappy and so stress everytime i talk to you because you always talk about YOUR hurt that i cause, that YOUR promise that i made that i didn't keep.. i struggle that for long and it hurt and tired.. but at that particular moment, you don't care about me anymore.. to you, i was like a betrayer to you.. you don't care how i feel anymore.. all you want is to make yourself better and it hurts more than everything.. soon.. i know you are hurt and so does i when we talk to each other since we always end up quarrel.. " if it hurt so much to both of us, why don't we stop talking awhile and see what is going on".. and that's how it turn to be..

why is it so hurt when i talk to you? i try to ignore HIS thing but you keep bring it up.. i try to be normal to you but you keep on being angry about something.. i try.. i try.. but you keep push and stress harder and harder.. if you recall our conversation.. did you notice about that? everything is about what make you happy and what make you unhappy and i am the one who suit you all the way and trying to work it out.. it is tired and it hurt when everything just gone into vain..

it hurt from the moment that you say you never hang out with girls that have boyfriend but her... hehe.. i really don't understand.. what kind of principle is that.. i know that is because of me, hurting you.. you think that i doesn't respect you, i don't know the way to talk to guys, i don't know the way to solve thing well.. well.. if you really see.. i am not as smart as you are.. i can't solve everything in a time.. i am not superwomen.. i have lots and lots of problems, my family, my sister's love life, my roommate, my classmate, there are lots of things happen everyday every second and all you think is i don't have enough time for you or ignore you.. well.. when i am not ignoring you.. you cut my heart again and again!!! and when i leave slowly and you said i didn't keep my promise.. why did you do this to me? it hurts you know..

you said your heart is hurt so am i but i never say that..
you said you are the losing one but you never know that i am the losing one too..
you said you lost everything but you never know that i losing you too..
you said you don't ask for it but you didn't know that i ALSO don't want this to happen..
you said..
you said lots of things lately and non of them doesn't hurt me at all.. non of them.. and i know non of mine words suit your heart.. it is because i no longer yours.. but it doesn't mean you are not my friend..

you promise that you won't hurt me..
you promise that you will always be there for me..
you promise that we will act maturely..
you promise..
but you didn't keep it and you broke it..
just like you said and you think i broke mine..
if you notice i keep all of them actually.. just that it is just the wrong time and wrong timing.. i was totally busy that moment with all assignment and homework and exam.. but you don't want to listen or care about it.. you don't.. you think it is just excuses..

you never be there for me after that night that i let you wait till midnight..
you never.. you ask me to rely on HIM.. i am rely on him.. but at that time.. i just want you back as a brother.. but you didn't.. everything that i went through, it doesn't have you in it.. you are no longer exist in the diary of those months because you don't have the mood to talk to me and i know it.. just that you don't want to admit it.. but it doesn't matter at all.. i did want to tell you when thing happen.. no matter good or bad.. but you keep push me away.. you always pick HIM out.. i just need a friend to talk nothing much.. but you doesn't think that way didn't you?

it is raining now.. it is like your heart.. so does i..
it tears because of your words just like you said about what i said to you..
it tears because i lost a friend just like you did..
it tears but nobody knows and the person who hurt it never going to care..
because..
itself hurt the worst too..
both wounded heart in different ways just have to let time cure it..

take care there..
my heart is taken care by him and as you wish i rely on him..
all i ask is a good brother back.. you are the brother that really cares about me before he exist in my diary.. and i wish we are still friend..