sorrow and stress

sorrow and hurt that you never going to imagine of..
hate and irritates that you never going to think of..
disappointment and disagreement that you never going to go through of..

you guys just never know that you guys never going to deserve any forgiveness from me.. anyone of you especially.. whatever.. i am not going to mention your name here.. you guys never ever.. i swear to God..

you guys don't know how it feels like to be betrayed..
you guys don't know how it looks like to be disappointed...
you guys don't know how it feels like to be rejected..
again and again..
AGAIN AND AGAIN...

you guys never know how it feels that i have to keep on reminding myself not to put any hope on it anymore so that i won't get hurt again and again..
did you guys ever never dare to wish or think or just a short while of "maybe" just because you don't want yourself to get disappointed again?

like i said.. you guys never.. because you guys are such a innocent and naive..
you guys just never know..

you guys think that i won't have the right to be mad? to be irritating?
well, you guys are wrong.. totally WRONG!!! i just don't want to think about it because i just don't want to ruin our friendship.. but you are ruin mine.. ruin anything about my hope which you guys think it is NOTHING..!!!

i hate you guys...!!! i hate you all!!!! thanks for being the first person that i shout out loud that i hate you all!!! you guys should be proud of yourself!!!!!

i wasn't really into anything these days.. except my studies..
my book..
they never betrayed me..
they never hurt me..
they never let me down..
they never put me aside..
they never do anything to harm me..
not like anyone of you..

i really worn out these days.. stress.. tired.. sad.. i really think that maybe i should just go for a rest and never wake up for one day.. but i couldn't because my beloved book is waiting for me to read them.. all the happiness i gain now is from my books..

get me out of here and i want my home.. i want to go back home..
i want to go back home where they is always warm around me..
dad's, mum's and sis's..
it wasn't a happy thing to go back home but at least it is much warmer compared here..
i wasn't going to have a warm hug from my parents or my sister..
at least i won't get hurt deeply in my heart..
at least i won't tear about something stupid every night..
at least i won't have to so scare of hoping anything..
at least i won't have to hate anyone..
at least i am save there in my home..
i am save with the warm shell my parents made for me..
i am secured..
even i have to be tough in front of my parents but..
at least i can hide behind them whenever anything happen..
at least i can save all the sorrow and stress for a moment..
at least i am protected..

dad mention before:"after you go out one day, out alone by yourself without us beside you, you will know the happiness you gain from family is always the warmest and the best because we will always there for you"
daddy~ i miss you.. T.T

let all of these past and end.. i just wanna go home..