Sometimes

There are sometimes
Some particular moments where I will think about
"Why can't you....?"
"Why can't you....?"

You know there are some moments I really wish that you have at least 1% of him
I know you wouldn't like this
But just a little bit

Remember I told you before that I don't mind getting all of your bad things
Because I love you
Because I choosen you
I don't blame myself
I take it because it is you

I can be so "grand" and understanding
I tried
I really tried

But sometimes you really makes me feels like
Urgh

I know people said that you are taking granted of me
Almost everyone
On what I did and how you did
I don't mind
In fact I don't care
I know it sounds stupid
But I wanted to do
I want to do it for you

But sometimes did you ever thought that I might be very tired?
Or someday maybe someday I might just want to walk out of it?
Yes, there are moments where I don't really feel of doing these
I mean in working hard on our relationship
Taking care of you
Trying to make you happy
Trying to do everything

Sometimes I wish to just get back to my normal student life
Get back to the life where I can do whatever I want
Or at least get back to the moment where we used to have
The passion perhaps?
The care and love perhaps?

You feels that because we already been almost 3 years
And you are glad that our life are like husband and wife
But did you really think that I DON'T want it?

Yes, I am proud
Technically
But I am not
I fall in love with you when I was 18
It had been taken my 3 years for you
And you want me to do all these for the rest of my life?

Yes, my mum is
She engaged with my dad
Then for the rest of her life
She was concentrate on my dad
Serving him take care of him

You know what?
That's the difference of Love and To-be-Love

You know why my parents don't want me to get boyfriend that early?
Because they don't want me to be like my mother
Cause they know I will do everything or give everything to my boyfriend

When I left my home
I first met you and in love with you
You are totally my world
I don't even want to bother other guys

Even people trying to woo me
I was like "ok.."
Until that day went out with Justin
I just realized that what he is doing is what I was doing all these time
And he told me
"This is the difference of To-Love and To-Be-Love"

You always asked me why I let WP to get close to me
Even I know you don't like
Cause didn't you realize?
I was only have these few friends
Close friends since my foundation
If you are not around
There is nobody I can find
Justin working, She Rene busy
Whoelse I am going to find?

You are busy
You said that you don't have the freedom
You want free permit to go futsal and gym
I given you
I given you everything
Your freedom as well

I know you are tired after the exercise
I really tried to be considerable
But
It just........
Not right

I was thinking
Why are we like very suffer to compromise with each other ?
Why are we actually doing right now?
Seems like we both are force to be together

I am not talking because I might want to choose WP
Well, he is not a choice
Not anymore
I don't want to go back there anymore
Not now not in the future

I was talking about you and me
Sometimes
I really feel like just take a month break
To breath
To rest
To be alone

Did you get it?
All I want is somebody to care about me
Somebody to REALLY love me
Somebody to REALLY hug me or kiss me
Not because I asked for it
Not because "It had been long time you never hug me"
It's because you want to
It's because deep down in your heart
You wanted to

You asked me why am I stopped pillow chatting with you
Cause you said that you are tired and you want to sleep
I tried to be considerable
That's why I sleep without saying anything
I know you are forced to talk with me
Even you said you will pat me to sleep
You are the one who sleep first

Everytime
Almost everytime
Night moment was the hardest
You always know how to make my heart hurt like damn hell
You always makes me cry to sleep
And then I will be dreaming about those old dreams again and again

Everytime
Even some special moment
Do you really have to ask me "You really want it do you?"
Well, sometimes there are things that I don't have to say it out
I don't want you to love me because I wanted you to
You don't have to wait me ask you to kiss me
Or ask some bullshit answer
Even I need to ask you to hug me to sleep
What is that ??

You get it?
I want the OLD us

But I guess you were thinking that I was going crazy again
Thinking that I wanted to get fight out of no where
I just wanted you to understand
Do you get it?