it hurts

it hurts when you said that.. it hurts my feelings and it hurts my heart..

you said before that as long as we both doesn't hurt each other, that mean we can just stay together and we don't have to think more than that.. but.. i end up hurting you deeply and what you missed is you actually hurting mine too but you never notice that.. From the moment you mention that you compared me with her.. From the moment that you mention that you never know what a girl really think by snatching whatever thing they saw... From the moment you mention that I am realistic.. From the moment you start "I didn't change, i just change my attitude towards you".. it hurts me..

i know from that moment that i have to make decision between you and him and one of you will going to stay away from me no matter how.. i know but i don't want this to happen.. no.. i don't and i try my best to make it better, to make you better... but you never appreciate.. i don't know why everybody think that i am so stupid for letting myself so unhappy just to please you.. but at that moment, i don't care.. i just want you back as a friend.. he and me doesn't quarrel or argue over you because he knows without you, i won't survive at that particular period.. because of you, i survive and he didn't say anything about it.. but all bother him is why am i so unhappy and so stress everytime i talk to you because you always talk about YOUR hurt that i cause, that YOUR promise that i made that i didn't keep.. i struggle that for long and it hurt and tired.. but at that particular moment, you don't care about me anymore.. to you, i was like a betrayer to you.. you don't care how i feel anymore.. all you want is to make yourself better and it hurts more than everything.. soon.. i know you are hurt and so does i when we talk to each other since we always end up quarrel.. " if it hurt so much to both of us, why don't we stop talking awhile and see what is going on".. and that's how it turn to be..

why is it so hurt when i talk to you? i try to ignore HIS thing but you keep bring it up.. i try to be normal to you but you keep on being angry about something.. i try.. i try.. but you keep push and stress harder and harder.. if you recall our conversation.. did you notice about that? everything is about what make you happy and what make you unhappy and i am the one who suit you all the way and trying to work it out.. it is tired and it hurt when everything just gone into vain..

it hurt from the moment that you say you never hang out with girls that have boyfriend but her... hehe.. i really don't understand.. what kind of principle is that.. i know that is because of me, hurting you.. you think that i doesn't respect you, i don't know the way to talk to guys, i don't know the way to solve thing well.. well.. if you really see.. i am not as smart as you are.. i can't solve everything in a time.. i am not superwomen.. i have lots and lots of problems, my family, my sister's love life, my roommate, my classmate, there are lots of things happen everyday every second and all you think is i don't have enough time for you or ignore you.. well.. when i am not ignoring you.. you cut my heart again and again!!! and when i leave slowly and you said i didn't keep my promise.. why did you do this to me? it hurts you know..

you said your heart is hurt so am i but i never say that..
you said you are the losing one but you never know that i am the losing one too..
you said you lost everything but you never know that i losing you too..
you said you don't ask for it but you didn't know that i ALSO don't want this to happen..
you said..
you said lots of things lately and non of them doesn't hurt me at all.. non of them.. and i know non of mine words suit your heart.. it is because i no longer yours.. but it doesn't mean you are not my friend..

you promise that you won't hurt me..
you promise that you will always be there for me..
you promise that we will act maturely..
you promise..
but you didn't keep it and you broke it..
just like you said and you think i broke mine..
if you notice i keep all of them actually.. just that it is just the wrong time and wrong timing.. i was totally busy that moment with all assignment and homework and exam.. but you don't want to listen or care about it.. you don't.. you think it is just excuses..

you never be there for me after that night that i let you wait till midnight..
you never.. you ask me to rely on HIM.. i am rely on him.. but at that time.. i just want you back as a brother.. but you didn't.. everything that i went through, it doesn't have you in it.. you are no longer exist in the diary of those months because you don't have the mood to talk to me and i know it.. just that you don't want to admit it.. but it doesn't matter at all.. i did want to tell you when thing happen.. no matter good or bad.. but you keep push me away.. you always pick HIM out.. i just need a friend to talk nothing much.. but you doesn't think that way didn't you?

it is raining now.. it is like your heart.. so does i..
it tears because of your words just like you said about what i said to you..
it tears because i lost a friend just like you did..
it tears but nobody knows and the person who hurt it never going to care..
because..
itself hurt the worst too..
both wounded heart in different ways just have to let time cure it..

take care there..
my heart is taken care by him and as you wish i rely on him..
all i ask is a good brother back.. you are the brother that really cares about me before he exist in my diary.. and i wish we are still friend..

Choices

sometimes, boys are not as sensitive as girls.. well i can't blame them for that.. that is the nature of the guys and girls.. Girls are sensitive animal while guys are "sight" animal.. that is nature and there is nobody to blame of..

"i was foolish to pretend i was fully recovered from disappointment as such wounds leave a scar"
i known somebody who have this experience.. well.. actually there are quite a lot of them.. they got hurt and left deeply disappointed even they can't even notice by themselves.. they know they unhappy and disappointed but they not really know how much dis spare they are into and how much mistakes they had done..

you said once to me that:"Love is certain, love is kind. Love is yours and love is mine. But it isn't something that we find. It's something that we do"

Also, you had once told me this:"Don't let doubts lose the magic of love, because it's not everyday you meet someone who has the magic to let you fall in love!"
Because of these words make me own that decision.. because of these sentences make me have the courage to do.. well.. at least i accept what i want to have..

There is somewhere that we have to make choices between friends and our partner.. there always a conflict between them that we can't really make a different.. i always know what i want.. but sometime.. maybe just sometime i can't stand with what i want and let other lead me.. it wasn't my favorite part either.. getting people's leading but who else to blame? i myself can't make my own stand?! i blame no one.. i care about my friends.. i worry them.. some of them appreciate it but some of them doesn't.. i can't blame people who doesn't appreciate me.. i can't expect them anything because i wasn't really care about it either.. all i give i wasn't really expect it back.. i give something not because i want something for return.. it just something i want to.. but when people turn it into something else that they think that my concern is something insincere.. well.. i have to say i am certainly sad about it.. since you don't want to care so does i.. i done with it just like what you wish.. is that what you want? if that is what you want go for it..

choices i have made between a brother and a partner.. choices i have made between a friend and my partner.. it wasn't really a pleasure choice to do.. if you really notice.. i know what i want but i can't get what i want.. i am a selfish human being.. sorry for being so selfish.. i hate choices.. i want you to stay.. i don't want to go.. i don't want.. but what can i do? you choose friends over this.. what can i do? i just obey whatever you think you are.. i want everybody to be happy that's all.. maybe i should be happy with what i having here.. i should be happy with what you have done.. at least appreciate with what we have been through..

choices is the reason of our life and also the way we grow up..
life and choices..

"For as long as I live, there will always be, a place you belong here beside me. Heart and soul baby -- you only."
i want you to be happy that's all..
i want all of you to be happy..
that's what i ask for..

superwoman

Did anybody ever ever dream herself to become a superwoman before? or a superman for a guy? believe me or not.. i did wish that i am a superwoman sometimes.. well.. not really the superwoman superman type but is just that she can do whatever thing she want without tired..

Seriously.. i really don't have the strength to do anything i want in my life.. what i want.. what i care.. what i worry.. everything is so tired to maintain or have it.. you asking this from me and i promise you.. but see what i have done? i end up working for nothing.. haiz.. my parents asking me to take care myself and what did i done? staying late up at night eating junk food and so on.. and what i get now? a sick body.. cough sore throat fever sometime geriatrics?! that's not they want from me.. and that is not what i asking for either.. i really hate being sick.. it makes me feel not well still i have to be tough so that people around me won't worry about me.. haiz.. to be honest.. it not really a tough job to do since i have done it don't know how many years ago.. yet.. it still really tired to pretend..
this morning i woke up.. i feel like hell.. damm hell.. tiredness.. sore throat.. hoarse sound.. coughing non-stop... painful and yet tired.. completely disastrous.. i think i nearly cry just now.. but.. i din't of course.. it not that easy to cry actually cause it haven't touch my limits.. however.. it still like hell which i seriously don't like it.. haiz..

promises.. what about it.. that's why people say don't make promises when you can't keep it.. haiz.. i make lots of promises which i know i can do it if the situation haven't change.. but.. the fact is i break it.. haiz.. i really try hard but it never works.. what i did it wasn't enough for you.. cause it never looks like the past.. haiz.. i really am sorry.. i sorry i broke my promises and i suck just like i know by my own.. keep hurting people all the time..

Assignment assignment.. it actually bursting my time into a big boom here.. most of my time are filled with assignment, outline, essay, study notes, reading.. i don't even have the time to online.. somehow i know that you think that that is just excuses.. i really don't know how to tell you all these things.. i really don't know.. my time is packed and i sorry that i left you behind.. but i really helpless with all these things.. i am not as good as i think.. i can't finish these everything in one shot.. i wonder why you don't believe me.. haiz.. i really breathless and helpless here.. sometime i wish that i will just abandons all these jobs and run away.. sometime.. i know i enjoy escaping because the problems are temperance gone but it still there and i still have to face it.. however, i can't.. i don't have the guts or the responsiveness to do that.. cause that's the responsible i should take and that's what people count on me and i shouldn't let them down.. yet.. what do you feel if people letting you down? trust me.. i experience it.. not really a pleasant feeling when you still have to pretend that it is nothing while it is something there right in your heart that nearly shouted:" you know what, I DO REALLY CARE!!"

yesterday, another fight in my house.. haiz.. not really a fight among them.. but is among my sister and my mother or my father and it somehow related to my illness.. haiz.. why did they have to take so seriously with our words?! just a single damm word can be argued for so many hours calling here and there?!!! are they too free to do anything?! why can't they just stop worrying?!! i nearly kill me.. i think it is killing me right know.. it was like i in the middle of the hall, shout through my lungs and nobody even care to listen to me.. all they care is my result, my studies, my future love life ( ask me to be careful when choosing ), my health, my behavior, my attitude and everything.. but it is so weird that they don't even think about MY FEELING!! this words never exist in their mind or dictionary!!!!!! NEVER AND EVER!! whatever.. just be tough and solve everything when everybody in this world knows that it never going to be solved.. just get used to it.. two nuclear boom in the house one crazy and naughty guns in USM.. what can i do? i am not good enough to hold them and not get killed by them.. whenever i touch them.. there still an explosion that will end up hurting me.. even my own protection never enough to protect myself.. even it is enough.. deeply in my heart where nobody can see is bleeding and somehow i know one day i will end up losing too much blood for that..

helpless

whatever i do whatever i said whatever thing i think is all wrong.. wrong wrong wrong.. don't know when am i can stop being such an idiot haiz.. helpless and wordless and speechless.. all i want to do is cool down and make thing works slowly..

missing you

it had been almost 15 days for not meeting him around.. more than 2weeks.. really miss him.. yet.. i know that it is not right asking him to pay me a visit from his hometown.. i shouldn't and i am not going to do so.. but i just miss him... there is one more week to go.. i think i can still survive with it.. i know i can.. just that it is harder than i thought.. so.. i think i will try my best to be happy within next week.. looking forward to an happy and peaceful weekend which i seriously doubt that..

Miss you like crazy
by Natalie Cole

Even though its been so long,
my love for you keeps going strong

I remember the things that we used to do,
a kiss in the rain

Til the sun shined through,
Id try to deny it,
but Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away

Every hour of every day,
I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do,
theres just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes,
and it comes as such a sweet surprise

If seeings believing its worth the wait,
so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,
we're starting forever now,
and I miss you like crazy

I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away,
every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you baby,
a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and we're there again

Musical interlude

Just one night and well have that magic feeling like we used to do

Hold on tight and whatever comes our way were gonna make it through

i miss you

sleepless night

another sleepless night.. haiz.. so frustrated with myself that i can't sleep at night.. haiz.. so tired but i just can't sleep.. haiz.. really tired. huhu.. sometime i just wish i have some sleepness. haiz.. but i just can't cause i know that is something bothering me that i am ignoring it now.. i know what i ignoring now.. haiz.. but i just don't want to think about it.. haiz..
maybe sometime i am not tough enough like i thought.. sometime i prefer to escape.. cause escape sometime can ease my busy mind.. hehe.. sorry.. but sometime i just need some air to breath..
so .. hoping tonight will be a better night.. good luck..

freedom

people always hope for freedom.. freedom to make decision, freedom to do anything, freedom for making choices they like, freedom for this and that.. and seriously, i did wish for freedom myself but.. the only thing that i can say is "i can only dream to have this freedom but i will never going to really have it".. it is pretty weird isn't it? being so steady that you yourself are not going to have what you really want or really wish? actually, i am not suprise with this fact that " i would never own my freedom".. this is the fact that i will never deny but have to accept it..

my family rules.. haiz.. talking about those stupid rules.. that is the rules that my sister choose to ignore.. the rules that my sister choose to escape from it.. but i can't cause i am the youngest and all the hopes put on me.. haiz.. sometime i wonder why can't i be like sister? is that because i love my parents and not hoping them to get hurt?! haiz.. stupid me.. haiz.. that the only path that i have.. follow what my parents ask me to be.. follow THEIR way rather than mine way.. follow the rules and being tied.. haiz.. sometimes i really hope i can be untied.. but who is going to save me from these?! that's why.. myself.. but it going to take very long time.. haiz.. i really tired.. haiz..

"freedom is all i wish.. but that is what i never going to have.." and i have to get used to it..

061009

nice lunch

lovely lunch

different taste of char keow teao

dinner time!!

always miss this dinner

051009

hmm.. this is the first time after so long i been into my kitchen and cook for my family.. haha.. of course.. not all of them.. haha.. the pork dishes is cooked by mum.. haha.. i miss that a lot.. haha.. really taste nice.. haha..

simple and nice dinner

supper time~~ char keow teow

haiz.. what a wonderful day.. haha.. food.. food.. food.. my beloved food.. hahahahhahaha..

041009

This is 2nd day in Penang.. hmm.. it had been long time did not eat all these food.. haiz.. happy to eat them again!! haha.. ^^

hokkien mee

curry mee and kuih

duck rice

prawn yun tun - another my favourite!!

nice chicken rice !! haha..

031009

hmm.. what to talk about today? hmm.. seriously curious.. but the main thing is.. about food.. about what i had ate.. haha.. yeah.. eat!! haha.. that is the main purpose i come back to penang!! hahh.. YEAH...

yam rice

look nice and tasty..

021009

finally back home.. back to hometown.. the only thing i missed is the food..!! FOOD!! Penang's food is always tasted the best, i can say that.. haiz.. miss them all..

well, like usual, i reached at 4 something but my daddy wasn't there to wait for me.. so i have to stand there and wait for him.. of course like usual i did not sleep.. hehe.. in stead.. i went to school to meet all the teachers and friends.. i was talking non-stoply about 2 hours.. haha.. oh ya.. i missed one thing.. i did drive myself to school ALONE!! that's the main point!! i think daddy already passed me~!!! hahaha.. yay!!! ok, now back to the story.. i meet lots of friends!! haha.. i miss them a lot!! too bad i was really tired that i can't stay back to talk with them.. i going back after awhile.. to be honest, i really out of energy that time.. that's why i have to run because i am the one who is going to drive which need quite some attention.. haiz.. pros and cons.. like usual..

Leh Shan and me

Chew Hui and me

i take a nap during that afternoon and i think my parents and most of my friends are glad of it that i really take some rest.. haha.. maybe i really stubborn.. hehe.. sorry guys.. ^^

first dinner in penang - Bak Gut Teh

look nice isn't it?

i really don't want to online anymore

i really don't feel like going to online anymore.. every single time, i online sure got problems.. maybe i should just pay attention to my study and book enough.. i really don't know what to do..
i really helpless and breathless..
sorry brother, i know you are tired waiting me.. hoping me coming back to you.. but i really working on it.. not that i don't want to pay attention to you, it just.... i really don't know what to say.. i cares about you, but i can't make it through my action i don't know why.. i know you want us to be close again.. but i really working on it.. trust me..
i know i been busy all the time.. my friends in hometown all coming back.. i never see so many online list in my 5C1/2008 lists since i left jshs!! i really miss them.. i want to talk to them.. too bad i only have 2 hands with limited times cause i really need to study.. i really am sorry..
i know you are tired.. what you said just now make me really wordless and really sorry.. i don't know my action make you so tired.. now i know.. sorry..
i don't want to online anymore.. every time it make things worst and worst.. i really tired of it.. i just want a normal and peaceful day! is that so hard to have?! maybe i should just leave the laptop locked.. i don't feel like have the mood to online again.. sorry friends..
i need some break or i really will burst.. i need to think over with what i want.. or what am i really thinking in my heart.. which i am never going to figure out.. since i shut it so tight and ignore everything that i shouldn't know..
i really tired.. haix..

160909

today is seem like the last day of the first semester in MMU.. of course it should be a nice thing but it also mean the final exam is coming soon and all i have to do is study and study.. i make myself a promise i am not going to anywhere during the next week just to study.. of course.. for the last day.. PHOTO TIME!!! haha.. we took a lots of photoes.. haha.. with lecturers, friends, hanging out.. haha.. lots.. hahah..

yeah.. ~~

part of PM10 and PM9

boy's gang

Math Lecturer and my "gang"

of course.. we did go for Mac Donald.. just for fun of course not for celebrate.. haha.. with some friends.. haha.. chating.. eating.. hanging out.. haha.. quite fun actually.. haha..

Edwin~

Yong Qing and Jun Min

Me and Wen Shen

040809

yesterday we went to Jongker Street and ate burger.. haha.. it is really a fun day after a tired morning.. i was having a speaking test which really make me really really mad.. haix.. really frustrated about it.. damm it!!! haix..

we went to Jongker Street for a walk.. well.. it is friday.. so.. it don't have many people in the street like Saturday and Sunday.. whatever it is.. we having a really good time together.. nothing much to say.. haha.. really lazy to type all the details.. why don't you guys just see the photoes.. haha..

the name key chain we bought..

really want to have one of these

hahah...

cute isn't? anybody interested?





pretty girl.. but not available.. sorry guys..

Bleeding day

haix.. why am i said that today is a bleeding day? haix.. i don't know what am i doing these days.. i don't know why am i so easily get mad myself.. i wonder why.. well... i know myself that i have a bad temper but i don't really used to show my feelings out cause i know i still can manage it.. but these days.. i really can't.. i finally get mad.. but i am such a loser that i don't dare to scold them.. like what he said... i am such a dumb girl.. always care about other people feeling.. i always suffer because of the unnecessary consideration.. sometime you can't take care of everybody feelings.. i know this fact but i still have to try.. but at the end.. i myself unhappy.. that's not really a thing that i should be proud of.. haix.. i really try very hard to make them happy.. try to control my temper.. haix.. i really hope i can manage it soon.. haix... but.. i am so worry that i can't.. i really don't have the strength to do what i hope to do so.. too many things happen these days.. i have to take care too many people either their problems and their feelings.. my sister.. she has problems that i really have to help her be there with her.. i know she needs me.. haix.. my friends.. old.. new.. but.. stupid girl always do stupid.. i cares about other and never once think that who am i going to rely on when i got problems.. when i really need someone to care about me.. haix.. what a such an idiot girl.. i always know that if i really have problems they will help me.. but the truth.. i never said anything out.. haix.. so nobody will actually know what i really thinking about.. except her.. i really miss my best friend.. i have new friends here.,. good friends.. but i still miss her.. haix.. i am lucky that now.. i have someone that really cares about me.. really.. i really think that i am so lucky to have him around when i really need him to be.. he is such a good companion...

okay.. stop talking the nonsense part.. why am i saying that today is a bleeding day? i bleed three time within one day.. Jezz.. i don't know since when i am so careless.. i cut my own hand with don't know what is that.. and then i hurt my own nose.. bleeding of course.. god.. then my leg caught into the wires and trip and bleed.. haix.. what is really in my brain now.. is it really so many thing for me to think? maybe.. but i don't really know.. all i know that i really tired to care about his feeling.. i really take him as a friend.. but i really tired to try.. i can't cry over him again cause i promise him that i am not going to hurt myself over him.. i promise.. and i will keep like i usually do.. it is really no point to be sad over to the person that will going to hurt me no matter how hard i tried.. really no point.. sometime.. i really think i should just let him go.. but i can't because he is my friend.. he suffer enough because of me.. haix.. but i am not going to cry over him again and make myself so tired... no point.. and just make myself miserable out of no where...

today really not a good day.. cause i really tired to pretend to be what people want me to be.. i almost cry due to madness.. i don't know why.. or since when i am such an emotional to all these things.. i really don't know how to scold people.. that's why i used to keep in my heart.. at the end.. if i can't really bare it.. i will just burst out.. but.. burst out in front of my roommate really will freak her out.. needless to mention my housemates... i really don't know why am i such a freak in this house.. they think like i am such a "weird" girl.. if they see me cry.. they will really shocked cause i never be emotional in front of them.. at least is before these days.. haix.. whatever.. i really feel like crying now.. haix.. i don't have my musical instrument around me.. my piano!! my harmonica!!!! i really miss you guys.. friends!!! haix.. all i can do is like always - sport.. tennis? no partner.. gym? not such a good idea.. all i can do is swimming.. but the swimming pool is.. haha.. such small.. haha.. but still the only way to frustrated it out.. let it out.. hahaha.. that's why i am going to swim later.. haix.. let the tears and anger flow into the water...

besides, i really hope my appetite will come back.. i can't really eat these days.. don't know why.. haix.. everything went wrong these days.. i really hope all these things can just go back to normal.. really..

290809

today is the last day that i am going to sleep in Penang cause tomorrow i am going back to Melacca.. not that melacca is not good but here i can eat Penang food that i love!!! haix..

what i did today is go for breakdfast and guess what Hokkien Mee AGAIN!! haha.. then i don't follow my parents go to the club to excersice.. haha.. cause they are really crazy maniac.. dad play tennis mum jogging and swimming.. ZZZ.. i don't think i have THAT staminal.. haha.. so i choose to stay at home.. haix.. then i meet her.. JEzz.. i miss her so much.. haix.. but i can't meet her.. haix.. i really miss her.. haiz.. hope she is really fine..

Hokkien MEE!!

lunch? special "stone rice".. haha.. not really my favaorite cause i was thinking to take the yum rice as lunch but too many people.. so i choose to eat this.. not bad actually.. haha..

special rice style isn't?

i went to penang to service my laptop.. haha.. then go to buy something.. then of course... DINNER!!!! at EDEN!!! haha.. another my favourtie.. haha.. mum ate fish and chip.. dad eat salmon steak.. my sis and i ate beef steak.. haha.. yeah.. always my favourite.. haha.. i really like penang a lot..!!! haha.. food food food..!!! yay..!!!

Dad's Salmon Steak

Mum's Fish and Chip

My favourite Black Pepper Steak

Sister's steak - dunoe what's name..

ice cream

290809

nice day so far.. haha.. breakfast!! haha.. Hokkien mee!!! haha.. taste sooo goood.. feeling sooo goooodd... haha..




everything gone so well in the morning.. CY.. sorry.. i know you hope to see me but i can't.. i am really rreally sorry.. you say you don't mind but i can feel that you unhappy.. i am really really sorry..

went to super buy thing.. haha.. haix.. dad and mum is worried that i slept on the floor!! jess.. they hope i can take turn with my roomate but i dunoe how to say it.. cause my roomate are quite "children" i dunoe whether she can or not.. haicx.. friends and parents.. what you will do?

280809

Friday.. at home.. finally home.. reach home at 5am like usual but the bus is seriously COLD.. ZZ.. the air con can't turn it off.. Jezz.. Going back.. my piggy!!! i miss them a lot.. my bed.. my pillow.. everything.. haha.. finally home.. feel so relax without things in my brain for awhile..

the first thing when i go back home.. haha.. like usual.. REFRIGERATOR and DINING ROOM!!!!!!!!! wakakazzz... lots of thing inside.. haha.. got ice cream, chocolate, fruits, cakes.. haha.. dining table got keropok!!! wahahaha.. sooo happy to see those things!! finally can eat le!!! haha..

wake at 8am.. haha.. drive mum to market to buy vegetable.. then go eat fried mee at my favourite stall that i used to buy during secondary school... taste sooo nice.. haha.. lunch.. haha.. taste fantastic!! haha.. really.. mum's cook.. really good.. haha.. yeah.. den keropok and ice cream and fruits!! wow.. it is like heaven!! haha..

what a nice lunch!!

my favourite - prawn!!

taste PERFECT!!!!

i drove whole day.. haha.. quite stable.. my beloved kancil.. i miss it so much.. haha.. finally can drive it le.. haha..

not a bad day until i saw something.. stress again.. until at night.. i hurt another guy.. damn!!! i really think of killing myself...!!! urgh... hoping for better day for tomorrow..

Raining

Raining in Penang?! When i coming back home?! What is it has to mean? god!!! is this a sign? you must be kidding me.. haix..
the raining is like a sign to me to let him go.. whatever it is.. all i have to think is he is just my friend.. nothing more.. all he did is for fun.. what he said doesn't mean anything.. what i wrote meant for who? i don't know.. he never say anything.. he never make anything clear before.. that's why he is such an uncertain and unsure guy that i can't count on him with.. it still something in my heart that i really hope he can tell me everything.. everything.. i really hoping..
raining meant something to him so does me..

back home with sorry and a promise

I am so sorry by the Smiths
lyrics changed by actheng

Why do you come here again ?
And why do you hang around here again?
I'm so sorry

but don't you notice its hurting me?
I'm so sorry

but it is true

Why do you come here
When you know it makes things hard for me ?
When you know, oh
Why do you come ?
Why do you call ?
Why send me silly notes ?

And why saying those sweet things?!
I'm so sorry i don't want to go back that path again

Why do you come here
When you know it makes things hard for me ?
When you know, oh
Why do you come ?
You had to sneak into my heart

'just' to hear me
"It was just to see, just to see"
(All the things you knew I'd written about you...)
Oh, so many illustrations
so many unsure and uncertain

Oh, but
I'm so very sickened
Oh, I am so sickened now

I'm going home this time with the mess i making here.. I really hope everything is going to be fine soon.. I really hope.. I going back home with a promise that i made for you.. I promise you i will going to take care myself and go back there safe and sound.. I made my word and you have my word.. But.. I will never going back.. no way.. you really like a wind that I can't even count on you.. Its keep hurting me when i let myself hoping that you will coming back but i know i won't and now.. i learnt my lesson.. no more.. just regret in my heart that never solve..

truely sorry to make you so hurt

Sorry by Daughtry
lyrics changed by actheng
Will you listen to my story?
It'll just be a minute
How can I explain?

What ever happened here
Never meant to hurt you
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont want to listen
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there as a friend
Will you believe
Will you believe me?

All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse
No explaination
Believe me
I don't mean anything
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong
I'd give away all that I own

When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to what said?
Say you wont listen
When I say I'm sorry
cause it hurts
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there as a friend
Will you believe
Will you believe me?

If I told you
I've been cleaning my soul
And if I promised you
I'll regain control
Will you open your door
And let me in as a friend?
Take me for who I am
And not for who I've been?

i am soooo sorry...

and you know i mean this for you...

nothing

haix.. i try.. but you never turn up whenever i need you.. why?
then why you want to light the hope? luckily i am not going back to the pass.. even it still some regrets in my heart... but at least i know what i should do.. lock my heart save in the locker.. at least i am not going to get hurt again.. it is too painfull to let it go and to forget it.. i should protect myself.. nothing big deal. really .. i know i can survive.. even though i am not tough enough.. i am still learning..
all i can say.. painful is enough and it will be nothing soon.. just let it go.. forget the pass...

helpless

helpless when things keep coming again and again.. you.. i noe myself.. i am so afraid about you.. but you kept come and go like wind.. i can't catch what are you thinking.. i can't even guess it.. i am really afraid of you.. sometime i hope time can passby so we can start over again.. yet i am afraid.. haix.. what to do? i always helpless when you come and go like that.. why don't you make things clear once and for all...? this is for you.. i'm going home and i don't know what will be going on later.. haix.. so afraid of my heart will get hurt again...

today i done something bad again.. i shouldn't do it.. my fault.. haix.. i shouldn't lighten anybody hope.. no matter what.. what is done is done.. i shouldn't feel sorry and make things worst and getting confuse... i should say it out.. but i am such a losser.. haix.. why am i kept hurting their feelings? haix.. i am so tired about the girls and boys thing.. haix.. helpless and breathless...

260809

my friends

Michelle and Xin Yi

today we go out to eat Japanese food.. haha.. that's nice.. finally can eat something different.. haha.. it suppose to be happy but first we don't count one of our friend.. haix.. sorry ya.. car not having space..

the food not bad.. we ate in one hour time.. haha.. at the end.. full!!! haha..

nice cake

look nice but.. urgh..!!!

shusi

chicken chop

nice cake

good chief

taste good the lamb!!!!

after that we go for a walk.. haha.. i saw beear bear!!!! T.T.. no money ... can't buy... haix... T.T