I'm a messed

It's like serious seriously I am a mess
I guess all my life is upside down now
It's not really upside down
But technically is a mess
And one day I might get into trouble
I'm just gonna pray hard

I was thinking about rubbish during the work almost whole day
And it got me into trouble
Really really really #$%^&$%#^%O*
At this moment, I guess I really hate myself
What's the point of thinking all those stuff and make myself so fucked up
And at the end, make myself even worst
What's the point?