Urgh!
My second lifetime down turn
I never thought I can be like that
I mean I know sometime I'm weak that pretend to be fine
But I never thought I can be such vulnerable

After that day I thought my world had turn to hell
It's as if the end of the world
None of the things got well
I mean NONE
I'm weak and don't want to do anything
Technically I don't do anything
I don't drink
I don't eat
I don't sleep
I don't talk
Night time make me cried and pain the most especially with phone around
just remind of me NEW MOON
I'm worst than that

But I know God still loves me
HE let my friends to be around me
Let them accompanied me until I left Melaka
Let me went back home and calm myself
Surrounding by loves and cares
Remind me of my past

I used to swear I've never be so.unprotected before
But after all these years
I actually forgotten

Part of me misses him A LOT
But you know what's worst?
He won't
I bet he would wish that I'll just leave him alone
I mean, why would he cares about me?
I never blame him
I never mad
I just upset
It was my fault
I mean, it's my fault
I'm just not good enough
He deserve someone better

Part of me realized that if he doesn't want me
Why I'm still here so redundant?
I get myself into hospital then what?
Did he care? Did he call?
No
I mean what should I be thinking?
The promise?
He will always be there for me?
That moment, yes
For now, I know I damn wish the promise still count
But this time it meant for her
I so wish, I mean like praying wish that he might change his mind
But will it happened?
Only God knows

What actually I planned to say now?
I forgotten

But now?
I'm hurt and injured
I need to be cured
Mentally or physically
Hospital is my next station
Like it's a must
Just the matter of time
So, face the fact

I don't know how long it takes for.me.to be better
But I want my life back
I want my friendship back
I said that I used to wish that you got someone else so we can be normal friend
Maybe it's tough but at least we tried
I not sure what he thinks
But I really wish even though we can't be lover, we are still friend
If he wants to

I guess currently everyone is worry
even my parents
even myself
I pretty much worry.about myself
I mean why I can be such fragile?
Shiver while recalling stuff
Headache? Heart pain? Asthma?
Hell them!
I.cried when my sister try to snatch my doll
I mean this only happened when.we were child right?
Sinyong said that she never like ever thought I can be such fragile
Sorry, I'm strong for too long

Time to build the castle back again
Slowly and nicely
I have friends here that cares about me
I.know I'm not.that bad
At least I have.someone
I'm not.in the worst scenario right?
I.mean, I want to leave and hell if can I wish to.die
But this is.not the worst right?

I.lost everything
and.I'll build them.again slowly
You with me?

All I wish is God don't make.another.jokes to.me
I can't take it.anymore