I miss him

I actually had fallen for him from the beginning
I lied to myself for like  years
Until I really thought I didn't
I really thought I've had get rid of you
I pretended I'm fine
Until 19.05.2013

I said I want to let you go
I want, but I don't think I can
But you know what's ironic?
There are others right now
I guess as you said our position had switched

I knew you no longer love me
I knew you had let me go
It's always her after all
I wish it's not too late
But I am

He said that it's different as you guys are not couple yet
It's not me for being the 3rd parties
But
You don't want me anymore
It's only me who think too much

You know everything is fine
Perfectly fine UNTIL that day
Really until that day
I really did wrong that day
I shouldn't have feel something for you
I agreed with the saying
"You gave him a heart, he stepped it and return back to you"
"my sweet little gurl, you had been played, why are you so careless?"
"You are definitely  than you imagine"

You know what's the main problem?
I fell for you
And when I lied, he said, " Jezzzz, don't lie gurl, I know you too many years already"
Now, IF only I can stop loving you
IF only I can stop thinking about you
But I wish I can

What Jack felt is "Why are you still headed to someone that doesn't love you anymore?"
"people had chosen others over you, people don't want you anymore remember?"
Yeah, he don't want me anymore
I get it
I am so fucked up and get myself to this mess again and again
I promised, I mean we promised each other this is the last time
I know you going to keep it
And I know it
There is nothing I can do
Particularly when there are someone else
There are nothing I can do

The only reason that you gave me is "There are too many things happened between us"
And what he told me is "it's just excuses for not loving you"
Guess what?
I felt I deserve it
As much as I did to you last time
I deserve it
Karma, that's why

I'm a messed

It's like serious seriously I am a mess
I guess all my life is upside down now
It's not really upside down
But technically is a mess
And one day I might get into trouble
I'm just gonna pray hard

I was thinking about rubbish during the work almost whole day
And it got me into trouble
Really really really #$%^&$%#^%O*
At this moment, I guess I really hate myself
What's the point of thinking all those stuff and make myself so fucked up
And at the end, make myself even worst
What's the point?

MC

好不舒服
很想明天拿MC
可以吗？
拿了又怎样？

如果可以选择

如果可以选择
我宁愿不相信爱情
我宁愿不相信承诺

如果可以选择
我宁愿没开始过
我宁愿不认识你们

一个月3段感情
3段很久的感情就这样解决了
一派烂摊子

基本上现在的我比烂摊子都不如
我庆幸没有考试
我庆幸没有什么重要的责任在身上
我好想这样颓废下去

为什么每个人都是这样？
一个不谅解我，觉得我不够好，觉得我不体谅他不肯妥协
一个有这样的伤害我
爱情这个游戏一点都不好玩
付出的不但没有平等而且还是那样的
是我不适合被人爱
还是我根本不适合跟任何人在一起？

我是一个笨傻子

打从心底难过
是因为他骗了我吗？
可以告诉我到底是为了什么？

我难过
但是我谁都不想找
只要想把自己溺在水里不想上来

好一句“把我当作负心汉吧”
好一句“对不起”
我不明白我为什么那么难过
坦白说我真的很想很想离开这里
如果可以我真的不想再回来了

如果你有了另一半，我祝福你
但是既然人家在你心里已经有那么重的地位了
为什么还要特地回来找我？
对我好，关心我，照料我
意思在哪里?
问我愿不愿意接受你？
问我可不可以让你抱？
到底是为了什么？
不是已经有了别人了吗？
为什么还要回来找我对我做那么多事
还告诉我你想我喜欢我什么的
你把我当作什么了？

你说我把你当什么？
一直不照顾你的感受
让你难过
但起码，我没骗过你
而你呢？
做了那么多的事，其实你根本就已经有了另一个人
把我当傻子那样的甩好玩吗？

你说你没玩弄我
我姑且相信你无意
但并不带表你没有
特地为了我下来做了那么多的事情
告诉我那么的多的事
其实事实上根本就不是
我曾经对你不公平
好，这次我想代你公平些
不约束自己
一切顺其自然
可结果是什么？

就一次就够了
我真的觉得我自己太笨了
为什么明明知道有这样的人出现
还相信。。。
在你不愿给我看电话那一刻
我是知道的
但是为什么我还那么的傻
就一句对不起
就一句我不值得让你难过
就挥去了一切

我宁愿你没下来
我宁愿没看见你
我宁愿事后知道你们幸福
而不是这样把我当作傻子来耍

不要告诉我你等了我一年
这一年，并不是我一个
这一年以来发生了那么多的事
我不怪谁，是我自己造成的

你如果说你找到了另一半
我再怎么不开心
我也祝福你们
因为我希望你可以找到一个比我更好的人

但是
你这样对我
口口声声说放不下我
口口声声说喜欢我
却已经和另一个人在一起告白了
你真的是把我当什么了？


我现在要以什么心态面对你？
我真的觉得自己笨到一个程度
明明知道是你把我隔起来不让电话响
我还不时地去找你和你聊天什么的
其实你根本就不把我放在心上了
是我自己硬顶上去找你的

你说你下来是为了要尝试我和她的差别
尝试？你把我当试验品吗？
怎么？
你说她没办法代替我
那如果她在你心中的分量是多过我
你不是在让我误会
不是在玩弄我的感情吗？

我告诉你
不要跟我说最爱的是我
不要跟我说你放不下我
就像他讲的
只有爱和不爱
没有最爱，没有排行榜


你说过我伤你伤得很重
这回你下手也不轻啊
天蝎座永远在最后一刻让对方来一下致命的一剑
博徐是一个
说到自己是多么的爱
说到自己的爱如何天高地重的
其实背后里已有别人了
然后说是我伤他在先的

天蝎座啊~
你们到底想把我怎样？
最了解我的是你们
而结果让我致命的也是你们

Never thought it can be hurt and dissapoinnted so much

I wish I never believe in Love and Promises

I'm a FOOL

Really never see it coming
I should have see it coming
Yet, I still believe
I'm so fucked up
I really never see if coming

Betray, I'm not sure this word suit the situation
But I can't any word better than this
Fucked
That's how to be felt when being betrayed

You know it's like "Fuck You" the only thing came through my mind
You don't come down here and tell people how much you love them
Yet you already have another person in your mind
Worst, she knew how you felt towards her
Fuck you
You don;t have the right to tell people that you love them
You don't

You don't come down here just to test people how much different between both of them
What? Like a product?
I am just such a Fool
Fuck it!
Screw you!
It's like.. I HATE YOU

GOD~!
I really have should seen it coming
I should have realized something
Yet I ignored it
I pretended as if like it doesn't matter
Great
FUCK YOU DUDE

I really thought I am good in protecting myself
But This,
Thanks you fucking dude
Thanks for making my life better

I'm totally a Fool
Guess, I shouldn't have trusted you at the first place
I shouldn't have felt anything towards you in the first place
I mean, if possible
Right now, I wish I never know you AT ALL

I am such a pathetic FOOL and ass Hole
I am so stupid that being fooled like this
FUCK FUCK FUCK
How can I be so stupid
And still thought there are something different
Guess guys are just the same
They make promises
They create hope
Yet they broke them all
Just like that

I'm crushed
I'm fucking damaged
And of course, I am the world stupid ass fool
I thought I settled all the messed
Yet, I just created new mess and still fucked in the old mess
I really am an ass hole
Pretending I am smart and strong
Ass hole

I wish, if possible I can just leave for UK
If possible, I really wish I never know all these people AT ALL
If possible, I really wish I've never open to anybody AT ALL
It's so fucked up

倔强的我

抱歉，我就是那么的倔强
自己明明不开心但是还是假装着自己没事
这些日子也都这样过来了
自己虽然一个人但还不是好端端的

基本上，这些日子是难过
但再怎么样日子还是得过

没有想依赖朋友的
每个人有每个人的生活
不会有人同情你
伤心难过也是自己的事
当你一个人在一旁难过的时候
不会有多少个人知道
以我的性格
我一个都没有
别人问我怎么了，还好吗？
我很开心的笑了
“我没事”

这句，“我没事” 封杀了多少的朋友前往
我什么都没说，我谁都没说
基本上，我根本不想说
就算我在人群中怎么洒脱，怎么笑
我都开心
起码，我还记得怎么笑
身边的人也不会因为我难过而难受和无奈
一个人难过就好不用全世界陪你的

在说，有多少个人明白？
就连连日陪着我的他都不明白
连疼惜我的哥哥和姐妹都不明白
偏偏在这个时候不了解
我谁都不想找
我什么都不想说
只想静静的
装着自己没事
告诉自己“我没事”

这就是倔强的我
我再怎么不舍我都不想低头
虽然大家都有错
但是问题在谁身上大家都知道
没有人袒护我
没有人明白我
既然如此
那就自己保护自己吧~
这些年还不是那么的过来了

其实，说真的别人保护还伤过保护人家
既然如此
那就好好的保护自己
自己的事自己来
无需希望别人
因为始终自己是不会伤害自己
还是自己是安全的

这些日子基本上因为某些因素让我根本不相信其实真的有个人会明白我谅解我
除了他
但是，他不属于我
他奈不了我
他已经无能为力了
他明白，他关心我
但是，并不是我想要的

自己一个人有些日子了
习惯了
心在难过也莫过如此
真的觉得自己越来越倔强了
不想再依赖
有一天，我也不会再依赖你
不会再为你难过
不会再为了你留下一滴眼泪
总有一天我会亲口向你说 “再见”

倔强的我开始学习保护自己
围墙也越来越稳固了
对不起了各位朋友
心里面暂时容不下任何的伤害
容不下任何的可能
我害怕了
是我懦弱了
我已经没办法跨过那一条线
我没办法
我，还是比较喜欢现在的我
不会受伤害

真正在乎你的人

真正在乎你的人
無論再忙、也會想盡辦法回覆你

真正在乎的人
無需你找、他也會自動地想起你

在乎不是嘴边挂着说的
是行动表达出来的
办不到就别说你在乎

One day

One day, I will find someone that appreciate me and need me as much as I needed him
It's just the matter of time

Dream

I used to have a dream
A dream with a special moments with a special one
Guess, this is where things got collapse

傻瓜

计算着为你流下了多少眼泪
就代表又对我的心 撒了 多少谎
但每次我都选择 选择相信
相信你是 爱我的

倔强的以为我真的能改变你
看你装无辜的眼神 我很窒息
难道你没有看见 看见我对你的好
还是你忘了 那些数不清的爱情轨迹

你说我傻 傻在爱上只懂爱自己的人
我说你傻 傻在爱她就固执的奋不顾身
你说我傻还在期待会有奇蹟出现

日常梦多

我对你真的是日常梦多
你对我应该是没什么吧
是我多虑了

你的生气是代表着你关心我
但是未免太过了吧
有点受宠若惊

Another nightmares?

Getting 2 teeth broken
Seriously, if that really happen I will kill myself


From an evolutionary standpoint, teeth are important for survival (you need them to eat) and reproduction (you need a decent set of chompers to attract a good mate). Accordingly, dreaming about losing your teeth exercises your instincts to protect yourself and your appearance, says Keith Stevens. On a more symbolic level, teeth represent how powerful and confident you feel, according to psychologist and dream interpreter Ian Wallace. Therefore, losing your teeth in a dream could represent a waking-life situation that is eroding your confidence.

Actually it wasn't hard to be single
I mean, who said a person need to be couple to survive?

I guess even I used to be coupled it doesn't mean I live like a couple didn't I?
Guess being single is better for myself

Continuous Nightmares

Being an agent and get into trouble
Being chased and hunted by others
It was so scary
Yet it was so true and thriller
It woke me up

Being chased in a dream is typically your subconscious mind telling you that you’re avoiding a painful or frightening emotion, person or issue, according to Richard Nicoletti, J.D., a psychotherapist at the Jung Institute. Says Nicoletti, in dreams about being chased, the context also is important, i.e., who or what is chasing you. Lauri Loewenberg, author of So What Did You Dream Last Night? and founder of thedreamzone.com, says that you need to confront the threatening situation in real life in order to stop having such dreams.

avoiding a painful or frightening emotion, person or issue
Guess I know why

Suddenly, I don't understand the meaning and the purpose of being in relationship
What a nerd

不会爱

最近的我已经不会爱

是自己不敢去爱还是自己根本已经不想去爱了

不明白维持的意义

也不懂为何

只懂自己已不在乎

也许真的是太久处于极度失望和无奈的时刻

让我不懂怎么去爱或被爱