MacDonald

I guess it's really obvious that my emotion is seriously affected by what happen lately
Even I worried by a lot of people around me

Yes, I love it so much
I want to let go
But like you guys mention
I can't let go cause it is what I love and what I used to work hard for
I felt that it's not worth to let go everything

But there are part of me that I wish the peaceful of life
I want to think simple
But people like me just can't think simple
Cause my background is not that simple
What I've been through is difficult
From how I was raised, it is different
I think I see things in different point of view
Sometime I can get people's thinking by their small action
Sometime I can know the person behavior by the way they speak and act
I can and I used to do it since I know that people around me is not simple
My life is never simple and peaceful
Not that I think everything too complicated
It's just a protection from letting myself get hurt

I had foreseen everything that happened
Not that I want to praise myself
But I didn't really think very hard on it
It just came to my mind at the first place
It just did
I can't help it
It's like common sense to me

I can't let go cause I love it so much
That's why I remain silent until now
It's not the family I used to have anymore
It's not the environment that I used to love anymore
It's totally a different thing
No matter how hurt it is I have to accept it
No matter how serious it affects my emotion
I know that's the truth and facts that can't be changed

I want to quit cause I don't want to fight
I want peace
I don't want to fight with you guys

I can't let go cause I love it
I missed the time in there

But how many people really understand me?
Instead of thinking me like a disturber?

Well, am I that hard?
I mean why all leaders are so afraid of me?
I just want to be a good follower and help when it is necessary

I never dare to take my own event
No matter how many people tell me to
Cause I worried that I am not capable
Cause I worried that I will failed
I am not a smart person like my sister
I am not a good socialize people like my father
I am not anybody that is good
I am not even convinced myself that I can lead a team
In fact my own team also got problem where I didn't feel like leading anymore

I am tired
Really am
Before I meeting you guys
I planned to let everything go
It is strongly planting in my mind
Just I didn't dare to do it
Cause I really don't feel like I can just let go and walk away
I will miss them so much
That's the reason I am so emotion

Yes, this is no longer a family
Last time position never be an issue
Cause everybody does thing together
Make decision together
But now, it's just like other clubs
Head is head, he or she shows his or her authority
No family
It reminds me about Creative Arts Club

The only reason I stayed here for so long cause I thought that there is no political issues here
But I guess it is no longer the same
And I really don't like it











Can I let go?
or shall I ask: "Should I let go?"
Yes, because
- I am not happy now
- I don't like be neglected
- I want freedom
- I want my health
- I don't want to fight
- I lazy to fight
- I have nothing left for me to motivate myself

No, because
- I work hard to be in this
- I will miss it
- I really love it
- I want to prove myself

At the end, who won?
I really don't know
But honestly, deeply in my heart
I really want to let go everything
Cause I don't want to be unhappy anymore about this
Especially for things that not even worth for

But they came out with a suggestion
It can be worked
Just I have to stand the pressure during this time
Can I stand it?
Or should I ask: Did I WANT to suffer this?
No, cause like he said, I can't accept this anger
I still mad
That's why

But really, Did I really mad because of this?
I more dissapointed
Cause everything is gone
That's why

Now, the past aim had gone
That past motivation had vanished
Yes, I gave up
From the beginning, or should I said from that night I had given myself up
Cause I know if I really want to fight
There will be a war where at the end I won't lost
But I don't want cause it's very childish

So, what should I do now?
Easy to do than say don't you think?
One day, another day for me to think
One last day
Then I shall make my decision
Will I regret? I don't know
I hope I won't