Declaration

I declare that I might change my thoughts
I declare that I might have something different happening
and I won't going to lie to you
I am going to tell you everything about it
I want to let you know what's coming
No lies between us

I might change
I might lost my faith
I might confuse
But I will let the time past

I spent the whole afternoon thinking, crying, frustrating, struggling for something that I can't solve
The only thing that I can figure it out is
I don't want to lie to him
I don't want to get anybody hurt
I don't want to let the history begins
I will just let time pass and see how it goes

I have to admit it is not just so simple between us
I don't know how to explain
and I don't know how it gets there
It just happen

Whatever it is
I declare everything to
Its still up to us

I'm not sure

I'm not sure why I am doing this
I'm not sure what I want to know
I'm not sure of anything

All I know I will miss it
And I know its time to go back to real word
And I missed it as well

That's the turning point
Not sure where it heads
But seems to be tougher than it looks like

Sometime I wish everything will be nice
But there will be an impossible
Cause I am not sure whether I got the chance to do it again

All I know is that is the once and for all thing
It should be a very happy moment to all of us
Keep it in heart
Share it in mind
But remain and cherish the moment

It's time to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and that's when you need to wake up from the dream whether you like it or not
Cause I am the only person not sure
Not sure of you
of everything

Once and for all

Great night great movie great time great friends
but that's only once
I was asking myself "Maybe that will be too much to handle don't you think?"
I feel sorry and guilty somehow

By the way, its a really great night

Headache

I am so headache
Is it because of the handphone or the really matter?

Is this the genetic problem?
Why both of us facing the same problem?
The only difference is that she has more problems that I do

Are we the magnet to these kind of problem?
The main thing is both of us having the same way to solve these thing
Seriously I think this is genetic problem!!

Still I am so headache!
Jezz...

I need somebody

Anybody..
Jezz.. don't know why so emo now
I need somebody to hold me and to comfort me..
seriously.. is there anybody?

I'm sorry that I lie

I lied that I am fine but I am not
I lied that its ok but I know I am not
and the main thing is I don't know why!!

I am so sorry that I lied where I know I shouldn't

another perfect jokes

another wonderful and perfect jokes
but why...
why I never feel the humour inside
It doesn't make me feel energetic or excited
I wonder why

Maybe I should just stop thinking of it
It just drive me nuts

All I need is focus
Focus! Focus!

SON OF B****

the more I stay in this situation the more angry I am!
I feel that I want to yell at YOU
YOU SON OF B*****!!
DID YOU KNOW HOW TO MANAGE THING???
DID YOU EVER USE YOUR MIND TO DO THINGS??
DID YOU HAVE TIME MANAGEMENT ??????

Jezz!!! this is like the first time I am so mad about somebody and yell in blog!
what a shame!

It is really shameful that I need to be embarrassed by the people like YOU
you just not worthwhile for me to do things like this
After all, you are not even that good!

After this, I swear I am not going to do anything to do with you ANYMORE!!

I want to live for a better life

It has been another very long time for me to blogging again.
I wonder why I no longer write lately
Is it because of busy?
Lazy?
I don't know. I just feel like I have nothing to write where nobody is going to watch. What am I really looking for?
Only GOD knows

This is the last semester of my beta year. With a blink of eyes,it going to reach the end of the semester. Did I learn anything? Did I improve myself?
I wish I can answer you

As time pass, I feel like I am too emotional inside myself. I don't know why but I feel angry, upset, dissapointed and cry easily.
I know I am escaping from something, but what is THAT? what am I really afraid of?

I promise myself that after this semester, I am going to grow.
To become somebody I used to be
Somebody tougher and better
I miss the old me
I used to be tough and emotional control
I admire myself that time
But not anymore

I really need to find myself back
I don't like show all my feelings out and let people judge me
People that thinks he really know the real me
I want to be tough
I want to prove that I am worthwhile
I don't like people underestimated me where I am so much better than them
I don't like people judge me
I need to find myself back

By the way, did anybody reckon that my writing is suck ?
Yeah, I seriously can feel that.
It keep stuck when I was writing this
Jezz, I used to love writing journals, letters, blogs
But now?
Time pass and I feel that I am not improving!

I watch a movie, it says
"If you cannot wake up tomorrow, it means today is your last day. Ask yourself, did the things you have done will make you proud? If no, then you should work hard."
Honestly, I was. But, not now.
I want to help people that need my help
I want to spend my time usefully
Not with all the games and drama

I want to live for a better life
For myself
For my parents
For anybody who cares

let it no regrets

its gonna be ok

Vanessa Hudgens - Say OK
Album: V

Editor: FlowerSpider (QQ 1878886 ICQ 151476238)

You are fine
You are sweet
But I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak
I feel sparks

But I don't wanna be into you
If you are not looking for true love, oh oh
No I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one
So tell me when it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright)
(That it's gonna be ok)
Say OK

When you call I don't know
If I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends
Who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy
But I don't wanna be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe (feel safe)

When it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright)
(That it's gonna be ok)
(Don't run away, don't run away)

Let me know if it's gonna be you
Boy, you've got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away so
Let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you won't be shy
Will you wipe my tears away
Will you hold me closer
When it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright)
(That it's gonna be ok)

Say OK
(Don't run away, don't run away)
(Say that it's gonna be alright)
(That it's gonna be ok)
(Don't run away)

Will you say OK
(Say that it's gonna be alright)
(That it's gonna be ok)
(Don't run away)

sorry that i loved you

sorry that i loved you

For all of the time that i tried for your smile

For making you thing that i was worth the while

So your love love love love love would be mine

For sending your flowers and holding your hand

That no one was there to take u stand

But then love love love made us blind

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you

Sorry that I fell through

Sorry i was falling in love with you

I'm sorry that it came true

But sorry dosent can turn back time

For all that i have done to you

I wish that i could make it right

So sorry that i loved you

Sorry that i needed you

Sorry that i held you tight

And I'm So sorry for

Making you love me and saying goodbye

For being the one that taught you how to cry

It was love love love and it passed us by

For given you every thing that you dreamed

For taking it back when i fled the scene

sorry love for wasting your time

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you

Sorry that I fell through

Sorry i was falling in love with you

I'm sorry that it came true

But sorry dosent can turn back time

For all that i have done to you

I wish that i could make it right

So sorry that i loved you

Sorry that i needed you

Sorry that i held you tight

And apology now after all of this time

Won't make my difference tonight

But I'm hoping I'm Sorry will open your mind

To love love love love in your life

Sorry that I hurt you

Sorry that I fell through

Sorry i was falling in love with you

I'm sorry that it came true

But sorry do can't turn back time

For all that i have done to you

I wish that i could make it right

Sorry That I hurt you

Sorry that I fell through

Sorry i was falling in love with you

I'm sorry that it came true

sorry dosent can turn back time

im So sorry that i loved you

I'm so sorry

Again, another year is going to pass. What had i done? I am glad I sort of fully utilized the time, yet there are still some regretfulness. All I want to say is I am so sorry.

One year gone, so does we. I keep a promise that is kinda tough for me. But, what is done is done. I just hope that everything is going to be fine as well as it should be.

sorry and

Happy New Year

proud (part 1)

suddenly i feel so proud with my photography.. hehe.. not bluffing..
but i did really have some talent in that.. hehe...
let me shows you guys some of them.. hehe..

never count on any guys!

either guys are ignorant , or they are just don't care..

they just don't know when to say something they don't.

sometime some little care..

sometime some little comfort will not kill anyone of you..

but you guys just simply do not care!!!

just speak out everything..

never count on guys..

this principles never wrong..

"never rely on anybody but yourself. yourself ONLY.. because everything in the world that will not hurt you is yourself"

it never going to leave me again..

great to have you back my friend..

i am mad and i curse

yes, you didn't hear wrong of anything.

i did curse, and i curse. YOU SON OF BITCH!! both of you!!

i don't care whose fault is that all I know I will not trust you anymore..

not her but YOU..

you cheat!!

you cheat..!! you asked her for movie.. to the movie that I want to watch..

and you lie..

you...

how dare you?!

if you like her so much why choose me at the first place?

if she is the one who let you care so much, just go..

i won't force you to stay..

go ahead..

beside, i don't want to stay anymore with this around..

you still care about her..

I don't want to hear any lies or lie to myself..

you make choices..

I am selfish..

is HER or ME..

if you not going to choose.. I will leave..

cause I am done with EVERYTHING!!!!

as for YOU (her)

I don't know what to say you..

whatever you are..

I don't care how pity you are..

you just leave HIM alone.

or i will find you myself

in person..

and i swear..

you are going to regret of knowing me..

You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... everything is.

well.. it is pretty hard to say what is going on here.. it is a pretty long story..

sometimes it is hard for me to explain everything.. when i mention everything.. i meant everything.. sometime guys just have to be more sensitive.. but i know most of the time it is beyond their ability.. like they are some living things that do not understand..

somehow.. i feel the change.. i feel the tiredness.. i feel everything..

its changing and i began to realize it.. did you?

I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped.

Sometime you asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... everything is.

everything is.. just that you do not realize it.. apparently you do not understand.. am i an idiot? or just waiting something miracle to happen?

well.. it is miracle.. means it is mostly toward the impossibility..

So hold my hand, just one more time, so I can remind myself why it is that I can't get over you.

let me remind myself why you are the chosen one..

let me remind myself why i love you..

let me remind myself why i used to rely on you..

at least let me recall why...

so that i would allow myself to love you again..

so that i have the strength to continue this..

sometime i cried.. not because i miss you.. or even wanted you.. but because i realized that i am going to be alright without you..

you seems to invisible to me.. or worst..

i just want the feeling back..

but i am so tired and feed up giving forgiveness and trust without somebody earning it..

maybe sometime you will never know what you have until you lost it.. and once you lose it.. you can never get it back.. yet.. you still haven't earn that..

that's why sometime i will just hold my head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye.. letting it go.. because sometime i can't stand the pain and disappointed, maybe it is the time for my last tear to fall and smile again..

exam

Exam start today!

Microeconomic.. Well, I had already sort of worn out.. late sleep and sleepy and tired all the time.. I had once slept for 4 hours for my naps!! jezz.. I getting older now..

3 more days is my management exam.. i have 13 chapters to memorize.. I hope I will be alright that day since I took a very short time to memorize it.. so sad.. haiz..

Hopefully I can finished it.. haha..

Fantasy

you know.. girls have lots of fantasy in their own mind..
don't be surprise when they have like hundreds and thousand of fantasy or imaginary of things in their mind when things happen..

well, here the thing..
i have my own fantasy.. haha.. not surprise.. maybe is because of the recently "Cinderella" theme story make me feel like it will be nice if there is fantasy happen in our life..



my first current favorite stories is "Another Cinderella Stories" by Damon Santostefano and starring Selena Gomez. You know why this movie attracts me a lots?
well, they dance.. I wish I can dance.. or have somebody I love to dance with me..
and again.. that is the fantasy.. and is most probability won't happen to me cause he doesn't dance.. sad case.. T.T



second.. another stories is "starstruck" by Sterling Knight and Danielle Campbell.. The main character is singer.. and of course.. another fantasy is I wish somebody can sing for me.. or play music instrument for me.. of course.. again.. is somebody i love.. or feel good about.. at least..
Again.. not a single chance.. cause he don't sing.. T.T
but.. somehow it reminds me.. somebody didn't play something for me.. and it was amazing.. and.. hehe.. never mind.. keep that thinking for myself..

well.. i don't wish like i will be Cinderella or anything.. i just want to be simple girl.. but some how.. this simple girl turns out to be crazy sometime.. and the fantasy that she wish frankly not going to happen anyway.. cause he don't dance or sing.. and apparently I can't dance.. so sad.. now i regret for not learn to dance when i was small.. haiz..

Goodbye

Goodbye
By Air Supply
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

well, this is another my favorite songs.. yeah, i know, it is kinda outdated. But who cares?! as long it is a nice song then we should love it right?
this lyrics had edited a little for somebody special..
well, not that i going to say goodbye to him, but the lyrics, well, sort of suit me, how i feel right now. well, not exactly but nearly i think..
of course, i hope both of us will not have to use this "goodbye"
I think he is suffering right now and i don't know what can i do to help.
I am not her.
She is your perfect sister.. much more better than me..
I don't know how to cheer you up..
But i really hope that you are happy.. and so far i know you are not lonely..
You still have a lots of people are there for you..
stay happy alright?

so that is it

that's what you said:"i better stay out of that, is none of my business anymore"
hmm.. nice to hear, hurt to feel

well, it had been a long time that i can't really let go of this relationship
it makes both of us kinda suffer,don't we?
like i don't want to let you go and you struggle to stay for me
i don't know why i want you to stay
is like i feel lots safer when i know you were there for me
but is kinda selfish of course
it hurts you a lot when i turn out to neglecting you again and again
giving you hope and letting you down again and again

so that is it
you and me
well of course we were still friends
the relationship among us all this time is not just simply friends
is sort of unknown and complicated
by me..
all me..
my fault again.. no doubt..

well, here's the song .. the first song that we finally get into the same "agreement" that you don't think that i am "old-fashion" or "outdated"
i still remember that moment
finally no criticism
and i am happy to be somebody that able to suit you somehow
i feel spark of glad deep down inside
i want to be your perfect person
but apparently i am not
so
here the song that i will always remember

and the guitar
i will never forget that there is somebody had ever loved me so much before
and i hurt him deep down inside his hurt
cause i never say
"i love you " "i miss you"

deep down.. i will always miss you dummy..
friends forever!! love you.. ^^

Love the way you lie
by: Rhianna
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that¡¯s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that¡¯s alright because I love the way you lie,love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I can¡¯t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it¡¯s a still night in my wind pipe
I can¡¯t breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it¡¯s like I¡¯m in flight
High off the law, drunk from my hate,
It¡¯s like I¡¯m huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I¡¯m about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going? I¡¯m leaving you
No you ain¡¯t. Come back we¡¯re running right back.
Here we go again
It¡¯s so insane cus when its going good its going great.
I¡¯m superman with the wind at his back
Shes Louis Lane but when its bad its awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whos that dude? I don¡¯t even know his name
I laid hands on him, I¡¯ll never stoop so low again
I guess I don¡¯t know my own strength
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that¡¯s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that¡¯s alright because I love the way you lie, love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you¡¯re with me
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit me
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them those chills you used to get me
Now you¡¯re getting fucking sick of looking at him
You swore you¡¯d never hit him; never do nothing to hurt him
Now you¡¯re in each other¡¯s face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push pull each other¡¯s hair, scratch claw hit him
Throw him down pin him
So lost in the moments when you¡¯re in them
It¡¯s a race that¡¯s the culprit controls your boat
So they say you¡¯re best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don¡¯t know you cus today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over it¡¯s a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don¡¯t get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
I guess that¡¯s why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that¡¯s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that¡¯s alright because I love the way you lie,love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Now I know he said things hit things that we didn¡¯t mean
And we fall back into the same patterns same routine
But your temper¡¯s just as bad as mine is
You¡¯re the same as me
But when it comes to love you¡¯re just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn¡¯t you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship wasn¡¯t as crazy as it seemed
Maybe that¡¯s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don¡¯t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eye ball
Next time I¡¯m pissed, I lay my fist at the drywall Next time.
There won¡¯t be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I¡¯m tired of the games I just want her back
I know I¡¯m a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im¡¯a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that¡¯s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that¡¯s alright because I love the way you lie,love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

What You Mean to Me

What You Mean To Me
Album : StarStruck
Singer : Sterling Knight

Can't blame you, for thinking
That you never really knew me at all
I tried to, deny you
But nothing ever made me feel so wrong
I thought I was protecting you
From everything that I go through
But I know that we got lost along the way
Here I am, with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
Come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me
What you mean to me
Just know that, I'm sorry
I never wanted to make you feel so small
A story is, just beginning
We'll let the truth break down these walls
Oh, yeah, yeah
And every time I think of you
I think of how you pushed me through
And showed me how much better I could be
Here I am, with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
Come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me
Yeah, yeah

You make me feel like I'm myself
Instead of being someone else
I wanna live that everyday
You say what no one else will say
You know exactly how to get to me
You know it's what I need
It's what I need
Yeah
Here I am, with all my heart
I hope you understand(I hope you understand)
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
So, come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me
What you mean to me


another nice song.. i love it a lot ..

i have some problems again lately.. haiz.. i really don't know how to solve it .. cause i don't know what is the problem.. me?
there is some questions that make me almost helpless..
"what do him meant to you?"
"why can't you just let him go?"
"why did you care so much for him?"
well, i don't know what is the real answer.. sorry.. i can't give you a real answer.. is that because of guilt? or what?
sorry for being such a bad person to anyone of you for all these time.. i didn't meant to be one.. i tried but it never seems to work either way..

what you mean to me? i don't know.. i hope i can find a reason soon enough..