new world

i have totally no comment and not going to comment any of these things because i really getting more and more feed up with it.. whatever.. i am just going to pretend that i'm not care with everything.. i just going to be blind.. that's all.. it wasn't that hard anyway to be blind and heartless sometime.. its pretty good to our health.. haha.. i'm glad i realize these theory.. haha.. welcome to another new world.. good luck ^^

unfair

i really don't understand
is me the one who difficult to understand or
is nobody really good enough to know about me?!
why did i have to explain everything even some of them is really damm common sense?!

whenever there are problem why always me the one who have to solve the problem?
and what did i get in return?!
why you guys have problems and you guys can ask help from me while i can't ask anything from you guys?!
FXXXXXX AXX HXXX!!!!

i really don't know whether is me an idiot or
i am TOOOOOOOOO damm kind to anyone of you

i really don't know what should i be
a demon?
an evil?
a devil?
a good guy?
an angel?
what you guys want from me?!
i am a human if you really notice that
i have feelings and temper
argh~~ why is it so hard to let you understand me?!!!!!

when i need somebody or anybody beside me
just quietly beside me
accompany me
stop asking lots of question towards me
there is nobody ~
when i need somebody to help me
another problems came in
when i need somebody
where are they ?!

it is so unfair!!!
i just want somebody to be with me
is that that hard?
i want somebody who really understand me
knows when i need them even i say no
i need somebody who accompany me when i need them
is there any?

life is just unfair~~~

Distance

keep thing inside our heart
remain silent about everything to ourselves
yet take good care of each other no matter what
that is the distance between us

i don't know is it my fault or what
but i know the difference among both of us
whatever it is i don't know what should do

is this distance is going to be closer?
or the distance is getting further?
i'm tired and i'm afraid

is there going to be a bridge between the distance?
or there will be another barrier between us?
i'm helpless

confession

these days is really busy where most of us is busy with academic, event, business and what so ever thing they are on to.. and due to these reason, nobody have time to care something little.. and i have to admit that I can't blame you guys because I am not anybody to you guys.. but at least.. AT LEAST.. please lent a hand to make thing better..

I going to make a confession here
Yes, I did bring somebody that you guys don't like
Yes, I don't like the way you guys living
Yes, I still have a little unhappy after that time
Yes, I don't like being dirty in my accommodation
Yes, I am not a good housemate or roommate
Yes, I am not a friendly person to you all

and here I am, mad and frustration with all the things going on now!
I mad with you guys for being lazy
I mad with you guys for being selfish
"selfish" in the sense that you guys do whatever you want but the mess will be cleaned up by others
I am mad I admit that!

Once in a while can't you guys just be a responsible person?!
I didn't ask for being 100% or 5-star-hotel cleanliness but at least have some condition where we can say that is a place where it is nice to live on
I don't know why is everybody rushing to the washroom while they already have theirs
well, that is not i mad of..
if you guys want to use the washroom, can't you guys at least make sure it is clean?!
GOD DAMM IT!!!!
you use the washroom and didn't flush it?! I don't want to care who is the person who did it but at least for god sake, isn't it a common sense for you guys?!
common sense that you have to flush it after you done your business?!
I didn't mention it to you guys because i thought maybe you forget or what.. but after so many times.. are you still forgetting these normal thing?!
I didn't or espect any of you to clean the washroom which you guys didn't!! but at least AT LEAST make sure it is clean!!! you guys bath and make the floor slippery and all those hair and those smelly thing.. damm it!!
there is no maid in the house and nobody is going to care because everybody doesn't care.. but the smell is getting to my room and it is disgusting..
i used to clean them once a week since nobody care but now i have to clean it twice a day!!
you guys think that you don't care and you can use it but i am the one who clean it!! you guys can say that you busy then is that i am FREE?!

since i am the bad guy, i don't mind being a bad guy for another 1 month!!
once in a while can't you guys use your INTELLIGENT mind to think that
"there is the need to clean the place after you cook thing?"
"there is the need to put thing back nicely and clean after you used people thing?"
"there is the need to clean the mess up after you accidentally split anything on the floor or the table?"
didn't you?!
you guys have your breakfast but the milo powder split out and nobody care to clean it..
you guys have your lunch or dinner, making all the mess and oily environment then enjoy your meal while thing putting there days after days?!
you guys have the rules that you guys want to put the rubbish separately to avoid the insect.. but didn't you guys think of the reason?! is us who lazy to throw the rubbish!! you guys throw everything until it coming out and nobody cares!! even the plastic bag is overwhelmed!! you guys have the rules and paper to drop down the date to throw the rubbish.. and i didn't write any because i know deeply in my heart who throw it.. when the rubbish is overwhelmed nobody care, while you guys busy nobody care, when you guys lazy you don't care.. when did you guys care?!

i am mad and i am really not going to care anymore..
there are lots lots of thing that i want to say but i remain silent but it doesn't meant that i don't care!!!!!!
god damm hell!!!
these are the confession that i made for NOW!!!

sudden tear

sudden tear running down without any permission
is the heart hurt by him? yeah
is the heart broken by him? no YET
i admit that he can make my heart hurt is because i love him and i care too much of his opinion
but suddenly i miss you
i know i should pay more attention on the exam but i miss you with a sudden
however i just can't tell you
you won't be able to appear in front of me just like you promise
well it is not your fault is mine
is me who do not have the courage to ask anything else from you anymore
i asked too much which i never deserve it
but i miss you that you always honest to me but never once hurt me that much
i did contact you sometime but i never get the response i want
well that is expected but sometime is that the hope keeps me alive even it is hurt sometime
sometime i don't want to find you as i know i shouldn't but whenever i come to trouble beside him i might sometime think of you
sometime i know that you will have the way to tell me what to do
the only different is you and me is not as good as last time and i shouldn't like that
whenever i have trouble with you i always hope that you will be around but i know i can't so do you
i miss you as a brother and i don't know why i have the sudden urge to contact you
maybe i just get slightly upset well it is not as slightly as i said by many thing
exam tonight.. busy whole week until next week.. good luck !!!!!!!!!!

another hell of the day

it is just the beginning of the 3rd trimester but it is starting to killing me now.. these few days is totally tiring even it is just the beginning of the 2nd week..
Imagine that Monday and Wednesday class is from 8 or 9am until 5 or 6pm.. what is more tired is that the only relaxing day which is Tuesday i have discussion until 4 or 5pm even there is only 1 hour class that day.. and everyday i have to walk back home tiredly with my heavy books or laptop.. all of these starts to drive my nerves on now..

i have a good group this semester.. well at least it is compared to last time.. yet there is still a lots of thing to do which is nearly killing me.. is like everyday i have a new task to complete..and somehow i did delay something cause i really don't have the energy to do it either mentally or physically.. i am a human.. i can't bare everything in my mind and do it myself.. don't always think that i am a god or something like that.. i am not GOOD!!

finally i broke down yesterday.. 9am to 5pm in school working and working.. after one hour class i have presentation to complete.. after that i have chess duty which i have to play chess with the participants which ALSO killing most of my brain cell either.. next will be the most tiring thing which is Business Management Project discussion.. i have to say that i am so sorry about that that i did rejected most of the idea.. and maybe in a quite rude ways.. i am so sorry..

after all these discussion i already in the middle of the death where i have to walk back home under the hot sun.. when i reached home, i have script to tidy, i have presentation to prepare, i have report to write, i have computer assignment to do and many more.. while most of them hanging out in jusco yesterday.. haiz.. and now they send me all the presentation thing to me! why is it everything has to be me?! there is 6 people in the group, is i am the only person that alive in that group?! what sort ever...

i was totally tired and i fall asleep during my suppose-to-be-half-an-hour-nap but i end up sleeping 2 hours.. i was so tired until 3 alarms can't wake me up!! after i woke up.. i was like i gain thousand and hundreds kilogram in that nap.. i can't do anything.. and with frustration, i give up everything and went to sleep at 9pm.. and surprisingly i wake around 7am this morning.. and i didn't wake up during that time.. i think i really am tired..

i just hope everything can finish quickly so i won't be that tired though..
anyway.. Happy Chinese New Year~

Why is it so hard to get some understanding?

tomorrow will be the fighting day, which is my English examination. That is why i choose to express my feeling through English rather than Chinese. Whatever it is, tomorrow will be the worst war ever in MMU so far. None of the subject has really drive me this crazy before. I know i wasn't really work hard for this semester and i deeply stressed to myself that there will be no more fooling around next semester which i am going to concentrate on my studies rather than anything. I have learn my lesson and now I have to pay for it.

Why is it has to be so hard to get some understanding from others? well i have to admit that i am a little bit pushy whenever comes to the academic thing. Regardless to this, you can't really blame me because gone are the days when i was a high scorer in anything. Well, i already pulled down my standard where i no longer heading towards the highest and the best, but i just don't want to get behind that much, don't you get it? why can't you guys understand why am i so stress and tension when it comes to this matter? is that so hard to attain your understanding? all you guys think is that i am so hardworking and i can do it. Some of them even worst where they think i was just bluffing. haiz.. since when they realized that i am not that good as they imagined me in their mind?

examination and studies is vital to me and i admit that i lost the track for almost 3 months. But now I'm back where i am going to start working on and no more fooling around. If you notice that, i spend numerous time for fun rather than studies. Gone are the days when i was always study, study and study. All the stress is going to be a standstill right after that examination.

i have made my mind that i won't burnt my finger again this semester where I am going to work really hard and try to hit my target once and for all. saves all the regret and start working!! one goal, one spirit, one determination!!! lazy bone already become a thing of the past where i can't change. Yet, i will work hard to get what I want.

sorrow and stress

sorrow and hurt that you never going to imagine of..
hate and irritates that you never going to think of..
disappointment and disagreement that you never going to go through of..

you guys just never know that you guys never going to deserve any forgiveness from me.. anyone of you especially.. whatever.. i am not going to mention your name here.. you guys never ever.. i swear to God..

you guys don't know how it feels like to be betrayed..
you guys don't know how it looks like to be disappointed...
you guys don't know how it feels like to be rejected..
again and again..
AGAIN AND AGAIN...

you guys never know how it feels that i have to keep on reminding myself not to put any hope on it anymore so that i won't get hurt again and again..
did you guys ever never dare to wish or think or just a short while of "maybe" just because you don't want yourself to get disappointed again?

like i said.. you guys never.. because you guys are such a innocent and naive..
you guys just never know..

you guys think that i won't have the right to be mad? to be irritating?
well, you guys are wrong.. totally WRONG!!! i just don't want to think about it because i just don't want to ruin our friendship.. but you are ruin mine.. ruin anything about my hope which you guys think it is NOTHING..!!!

i hate you guys...!!! i hate you all!!!! thanks for being the first person that i shout out loud that i hate you all!!! you guys should be proud of yourself!!!!!

i wasn't really into anything these days.. except my studies..
my book..
they never betrayed me..
they never hurt me..
they never let me down..
they never put me aside..
they never do anything to harm me..
not like anyone of you..

i really worn out these days.. stress.. tired.. sad.. i really think that maybe i should just go for a rest and never wake up for one day.. but i couldn't because my beloved book is waiting for me to read them.. all the happiness i gain now is from my books..

get me out of here and i want my home.. i want to go back home..
i want to go back home where they is always warm around me..
dad's, mum's and sis's..
it wasn't a happy thing to go back home but at least it is much warmer compared here..
i wasn't going to have a warm hug from my parents or my sister..
at least i won't get hurt deeply in my heart..
at least i won't tear about something stupid every night..
at least i won't have to so scare of hoping anything..
at least i won't have to hate anyone..
at least i am save there in my home..
i am save with the warm shell my parents made for me..
i am secured..
even i have to be tough in front of my parents but..
at least i can hide behind them whenever anything happen..
at least i can save all the sorrow and stress for a moment..
at least i am protected..

dad mention before:"after you go out one day, out alone by yourself without us beside you, you will know the happiness you gain from family is always the warmest and the best because we will always there for you"
daddy~ i miss you.. T.T

let all of these past and end.. i just wanna go home..

it hurts

it hurts when you said that.. it hurts my feelings and it hurts my heart..

you said before that as long as we both doesn't hurt each other, that mean we can just stay together and we don't have to think more than that.. but.. i end up hurting you deeply and what you missed is you actually hurting mine too but you never notice that.. From the moment you mention that you compared me with her.. From the moment that you mention that you never know what a girl really think by snatching whatever thing they saw... From the moment you mention that I am realistic.. From the moment you start "I didn't change, i just change my attitude towards you".. it hurts me..

i know from that moment that i have to make decision between you and him and one of you will going to stay away from me no matter how.. i know but i don't want this to happen.. no.. i don't and i try my best to make it better, to make you better... but you never appreciate.. i don't know why everybody think that i am so stupid for letting myself so unhappy just to please you.. but at that moment, i don't care.. i just want you back as a friend.. he and me doesn't quarrel or argue over you because he knows without you, i won't survive at that particular period.. because of you, i survive and he didn't say anything about it.. but all bother him is why am i so unhappy and so stress everytime i talk to you because you always talk about YOUR hurt that i cause, that YOUR promise that i made that i didn't keep.. i struggle that for long and it hurt and tired.. but at that particular moment, you don't care about me anymore.. to you, i was like a betrayer to you.. you don't care how i feel anymore.. all you want is to make yourself better and it hurts more than everything.. soon.. i know you are hurt and so does i when we talk to each other since we always end up quarrel.. " if it hurt so much to both of us, why don't we stop talking awhile and see what is going on".. and that's how it turn to be..

why is it so hurt when i talk to you? i try to ignore HIS thing but you keep bring it up.. i try to be normal to you but you keep on being angry about something.. i try.. i try.. but you keep push and stress harder and harder.. if you recall our conversation.. did you notice about that? everything is about what make you happy and what make you unhappy and i am the one who suit you all the way and trying to work it out.. it is tired and it hurt when everything just gone into vain..

it hurt from the moment that you say you never hang out with girls that have boyfriend but her... hehe.. i really don't understand.. what kind of principle is that.. i know that is because of me, hurting you.. you think that i doesn't respect you, i don't know the way to talk to guys, i don't know the way to solve thing well.. well.. if you really see.. i am not as smart as you are.. i can't solve everything in a time.. i am not superwomen.. i have lots and lots of problems, my family, my sister's love life, my roommate, my classmate, there are lots of things happen everyday every second and all you think is i don't have enough time for you or ignore you.. well.. when i am not ignoring you.. you cut my heart again and again!!! and when i leave slowly and you said i didn't keep my promise.. why did you do this to me? it hurts you know..

you said your heart is hurt so am i but i never say that..
you said you are the losing one but you never know that i am the losing one too..
you said you lost everything but you never know that i losing you too..
you said you don't ask for it but you didn't know that i ALSO don't want this to happen..
you said..
you said lots of things lately and non of them doesn't hurt me at all.. non of them.. and i know non of mine words suit your heart.. it is because i no longer yours.. but it doesn't mean you are not my friend..

you promise that you won't hurt me..
you promise that you will always be there for me..
you promise that we will act maturely..
you promise..
but you didn't keep it and you broke it..
just like you said and you think i broke mine..
if you notice i keep all of them actually.. just that it is just the wrong time and wrong timing.. i was totally busy that moment with all assignment and homework and exam.. but you don't want to listen or care about it.. you don't.. you think it is just excuses..

you never be there for me after that night that i let you wait till midnight..
you never.. you ask me to rely on HIM.. i am rely on him.. but at that time.. i just want you back as a brother.. but you didn't.. everything that i went through, it doesn't have you in it.. you are no longer exist in the diary of those months because you don't have the mood to talk to me and i know it.. just that you don't want to admit it.. but it doesn't matter at all.. i did want to tell you when thing happen.. no matter good or bad.. but you keep push me away.. you always pick HIM out.. i just need a friend to talk nothing much.. but you doesn't think that way didn't you?

it is raining now.. it is like your heart.. so does i..
it tears because of your words just like you said about what i said to you..
it tears because i lost a friend just like you did..
it tears but nobody knows and the person who hurt it never going to care..
because..
itself hurt the worst too..
both wounded heart in different ways just have to let time cure it..

take care there..
my heart is taken care by him and as you wish i rely on him..
all i ask is a good brother back.. you are the brother that really cares about me before he exist in my diary.. and i wish we are still friend..

Choices

sometimes, boys are not as sensitive as girls.. well i can't blame them for that.. that is the nature of the guys and girls.. Girls are sensitive animal while guys are "sight" animal.. that is nature and there is nobody to blame of..

"i was foolish to pretend i was fully recovered from disappointment as such wounds leave a scar"
i known somebody who have this experience.. well.. actually there are quite a lot of them.. they got hurt and left deeply disappointed even they can't even notice by themselves.. they know they unhappy and disappointed but they not really know how much dis spare they are into and how much mistakes they had done..

you said once to me that:"Love is certain, love is kind. Love is yours and love is mine. But it isn't something that we find. It's something that we do"

Also, you had once told me this:"Don't let doubts lose the magic of love, because it's not everyday you meet someone who has the magic to let you fall in love!"
Because of these words make me own that decision.. because of these sentences make me have the courage to do.. well.. at least i accept what i want to have..

There is somewhere that we have to make choices between friends and our partner.. there always a conflict between them that we can't really make a different.. i always know what i want.. but sometime.. maybe just sometime i can't stand with what i want and let other lead me.. it wasn't my favorite part either.. getting people's leading but who else to blame? i myself can't make my own stand?! i blame no one.. i care about my friends.. i worry them.. some of them appreciate it but some of them doesn't.. i can't blame people who doesn't appreciate me.. i can't expect them anything because i wasn't really care about it either.. all i give i wasn't really expect it back.. i give something not because i want something for return.. it just something i want to.. but when people turn it into something else that they think that my concern is something insincere.. well.. i have to say i am certainly sad about it.. since you don't want to care so does i.. i done with it just like what you wish.. is that what you want? if that is what you want go for it..

choices i have made between a brother and a partner.. choices i have made between a friend and my partner.. it wasn't really a pleasure choice to do.. if you really notice.. i know what i want but i can't get what i want.. i am a selfish human being.. sorry for being so selfish.. i hate choices.. i want you to stay.. i don't want to go.. i don't want.. but what can i do? you choose friends over this.. what can i do? i just obey whatever you think you are.. i want everybody to be happy that's all.. maybe i should be happy with what i having here.. i should be happy with what you have done.. at least appreciate with what we have been through..

choices is the reason of our life and also the way we grow up..
life and choices..

"For as long as I live, there will always be, a place you belong here beside me. Heart and soul baby -- you only."
i want you to be happy that's all..
i want all of you to be happy..
that's what i ask for..

superwoman

Did anybody ever ever dream herself to become a superwoman before? or a superman for a guy? believe me or not.. i did wish that i am a superwoman sometimes.. well.. not really the superwoman superman type but is just that she can do whatever thing she want without tired..

Seriously.. i really don't have the strength to do anything i want in my life.. what i want.. what i care.. what i worry.. everything is so tired to maintain or have it.. you asking this from me and i promise you.. but see what i have done? i end up working for nothing.. haiz.. my parents asking me to take care myself and what did i done? staying late up at night eating junk food and so on.. and what i get now? a sick body.. cough sore throat fever sometime geriatrics?! that's not they want from me.. and that is not what i asking for either.. i really hate being sick.. it makes me feel not well still i have to be tough so that people around me won't worry about me.. haiz.. to be honest.. it not really a tough job to do since i have done it don't know how many years ago.. yet.. it still really tired to pretend..
this morning i woke up.. i feel like hell.. damm hell.. tiredness.. sore throat.. hoarse sound.. coughing non-stop... painful and yet tired.. completely disastrous.. i think i nearly cry just now.. but.. i din't of course.. it not that easy to cry actually cause it haven't touch my limits.. however.. it still like hell which i seriously don't like it.. haiz..

promises.. what about it.. that's why people say don't make promises when you can't keep it.. haiz.. i make lots of promises which i know i can do it if the situation haven't change.. but.. the fact is i break it.. haiz.. i really try hard but it never works.. what i did it wasn't enough for you.. cause it never looks like the past.. haiz.. i really am sorry.. i sorry i broke my promises and i suck just like i know by my own.. keep hurting people all the time..

Assignment assignment.. it actually bursting my time into a big boom here.. most of my time are filled with assignment, outline, essay, study notes, reading.. i don't even have the time to online.. somehow i know that you think that that is just excuses.. i really don't know how to tell you all these things.. i really don't know.. my time is packed and i sorry that i left you behind.. but i really helpless with all these things.. i am not as good as i think.. i can't finish these everything in one shot.. i wonder why you don't believe me.. haiz.. i really breathless and helpless here.. sometime i wish that i will just abandons all these jobs and run away.. sometime.. i know i enjoy escaping because the problems are temperance gone but it still there and i still have to face it.. however, i can't.. i don't have the guts or the responsiveness to do that.. cause that's the responsible i should take and that's what people count on me and i shouldn't let them down.. yet.. what do you feel if people letting you down? trust me.. i experience it.. not really a pleasant feeling when you still have to pretend that it is nothing while it is something there right in your heart that nearly shouted:" you know what, I DO REALLY CARE!!"

yesterday, another fight in my house.. haiz.. not really a fight among them.. but is among my sister and my mother or my father and it somehow related to my illness.. haiz.. why did they have to take so seriously with our words?! just a single damm word can be argued for so many hours calling here and there?!!! are they too free to do anything?! why can't they just stop worrying?!! i nearly kill me.. i think it is killing me right know.. it was like i in the middle of the hall, shout through my lungs and nobody even care to listen to me.. all they care is my result, my studies, my future love life ( ask me to be careful when choosing ), my health, my behavior, my attitude and everything.. but it is so weird that they don't even think about MY FEELING!! this words never exist in their mind or dictionary!!!!!! NEVER AND EVER!! whatever.. just be tough and solve everything when everybody in this world knows that it never going to be solved.. just get used to it.. two nuclear boom in the house one crazy and naughty guns in USM.. what can i do? i am not good enough to hold them and not get killed by them.. whenever i touch them.. there still an explosion that will end up hurting me.. even my own protection never enough to protect myself.. even it is enough.. deeply in my heart where nobody can see is bleeding and somehow i know one day i will end up losing too much blood for that..

helpless

whatever i do whatever i said whatever thing i think is all wrong.. wrong wrong wrong.. don't know when am i can stop being such an idiot haiz.. helpless and wordless and speechless.. all i want to do is cool down and make thing works slowly..

missing you

it had been almost 15 days for not meeting him around.. more than 2weeks.. really miss him.. yet.. i know that it is not right asking him to pay me a visit from his hometown.. i shouldn't and i am not going to do so.. but i just miss him... there is one more week to go.. i think i can still survive with it.. i know i can.. just that it is harder than i thought.. so.. i think i will try my best to be happy within next week.. looking forward to an happy and peaceful weekend which i seriously doubt that..

Miss you like crazy
by Natalie Cole

Even though its been so long,
my love for you keeps going strong

I remember the things that we used to do,
a kiss in the rain

Til the sun shined through,
Id try to deny it,
but Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away

Every hour of every day,
I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do,
theres just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes,
and it comes as such a sweet surprise

If seeings believing its worth the wait,
so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,
we're starting forever now,
and I miss you like crazy

I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away,
every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you baby,
a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and we're there again

Musical interlude

Just one night and well have that magic feeling like we used to do

Hold on tight and whatever comes our way were gonna make it through

i miss you

sleepless night

another sleepless night.. haiz.. so frustrated with myself that i can't sleep at night.. haiz.. so tired but i just can't sleep.. haiz.. really tired. huhu.. sometime i just wish i have some sleepness. haiz.. but i just can't cause i know that is something bothering me that i am ignoring it now.. i know what i ignoring now.. haiz.. but i just don't want to think about it.. haiz..
maybe sometime i am not tough enough like i thought.. sometime i prefer to escape.. cause escape sometime can ease my busy mind.. hehe.. sorry.. but sometime i just need some air to breath..
so .. hoping tonight will be a better night.. good luck..

freedom

people always hope for freedom.. freedom to make decision, freedom to do anything, freedom for making choices they like, freedom for this and that.. and seriously, i did wish for freedom myself but.. the only thing that i can say is "i can only dream to have this freedom but i will never going to really have it".. it is pretty weird isn't it? being so steady that you yourself are not going to have what you really want or really wish? actually, i am not suprise with this fact that " i would never own my freedom".. this is the fact that i will never deny but have to accept it..

my family rules.. haiz.. talking about those stupid rules.. that is the rules that my sister choose to ignore.. the rules that my sister choose to escape from it.. but i can't cause i am the youngest and all the hopes put on me.. haiz.. sometime i wonder why can't i be like sister? is that because i love my parents and not hoping them to get hurt?! haiz.. stupid me.. haiz.. that the only path that i have.. follow what my parents ask me to be.. follow THEIR way rather than mine way.. follow the rules and being tied.. haiz.. sometimes i really hope i can be untied.. but who is going to save me from these?! that's why.. myself.. but it going to take very long time.. haiz.. i really tired.. haiz..

"freedom is all i wish.. but that is what i never going to have.." and i have to get used to it..

061009

nice lunch

lovely lunch

different taste of char keow teao

dinner time!!

always miss this dinner

051009

hmm.. this is the first time after so long i been into my kitchen and cook for my family.. haha.. of course.. not all of them.. haha.. the pork dishes is cooked by mum.. haha.. i miss that a lot.. haha.. really taste nice.. haha..

simple and nice dinner

supper time~~ char keow teow

haiz.. what a wonderful day.. haha.. food.. food.. food.. my beloved food.. hahahahhahaha..

041009

This is 2nd day in Penang.. hmm.. it had been long time did not eat all these food.. haiz.. happy to eat them again!! haha.. ^^

hokkien mee

curry mee and kuih

duck rice

prawn yun tun - another my favourite!!

nice chicken rice !! haha..

031009

hmm.. what to talk about today? hmm.. seriously curious.. but the main thing is.. about food.. about what i had ate.. haha.. yeah.. eat!! haha.. that is the main purpose i come back to penang!! hahh.. YEAH...

yam rice

look nice and tasty..

021009

finally back home.. back to hometown.. the only thing i missed is the food..!! FOOD!! Penang's food is always tasted the best, i can say that.. haiz.. miss them all..

well, like usual, i reached at 4 something but my daddy wasn't there to wait for me.. so i have to stand there and wait for him.. of course like usual i did not sleep.. hehe.. in stead.. i went to school to meet all the teachers and friends.. i was talking non-stoply about 2 hours.. haha.. oh ya.. i missed one thing.. i did drive myself to school ALONE!! that's the main point!! i think daddy already passed me~!!! hahaha.. yay!!! ok, now back to the story.. i meet lots of friends!! haha.. i miss them a lot!! too bad i was really tired that i can't stay back to talk with them.. i going back after awhile.. to be honest, i really out of energy that time.. that's why i have to run because i am the one who is going to drive which need quite some attention.. haiz.. pros and cons.. like usual..

Leh Shan and me

Chew Hui and me

i take a nap during that afternoon and i think my parents and most of my friends are glad of it that i really take some rest.. haha.. maybe i really stubborn.. hehe.. sorry guys.. ^^

first dinner in penang - Bak Gut Teh

look nice isn't it?